Yeah, I said I was going to be blogging more on the regular in my last post... this summer. If you were disappointed, it's your own fault because you can see I never do as I say I will, at least in respect to blogging. BUT here I am!
So much has happened in the last 6 months or so. Here's one of the stories that I'm famous for, one of those "no way that really happened" tales. If I'm good for nothing else, my life is great for a good laugh.
That boyfriend I talked about in my last post lasted less than a month. It goes down as one of the "Black Hole Theory" stories of ALL TIME. It's a great story for you married/attached friends out there who have the grass-is-greener-complex about us singles!
This guy, let's call him R.J. (names have not been changed to protect the guilty) and I met in July at a restaurant I go to a lot. He came up to me and started talking to me, but I was in the midst of grieving over a good friend who had passed away that week, and more worried about drowning my sorrows than hooking up with anyone. Needless to say, I was not the most approachable person that evening and blew him off. A few days later he found me on facebook, and sent me a message. I ignored the request and message, but the next week, he was back at the restaurant again and I was a little more able to talk to people, so I let him buy me a drink. He got my number and asked me out for the next week, and I hesitantly said okay (I hadn't been on a REAL date in years, unless you count going to a bar with a guy and paying for my own drinks as a REAL date).
He took me to a super nice restaurant, and we had a great time (and two bottles of wine... that probably made it more fun), and talked for so long we missed the movie we were supposed to go to. It was still relatively early, so we went to a dive bar (my favorite!) and talked and drank some more. It was really fun being with him - but if you know anything about me, you know I have walls bigger than that one in China built up around me. I am very cautious about letting people in, due to my sordid past of douchebag exes who have cheated, lied, and dated my friends. I have trust issues, to put it mildly. But R.J. said and did everything right, so I agreed to see him again.
So things went great for a couple of weeks, and then I finally decided I might be able to not hyperventilate at the thought of calling someone my boyfriend. So we made it official, and things were great... for four days. He suddenly got really busy, work was really stressful, and the gym and tannning and laundry (no, he's not from Jersey Shore) were taking up a lot of his time. I finally laid it out on the table, I'm not going to compete for my "boyfriend"'s time with free weights and dryer sheets. He apologized and promised to come over the next night so we could have dinner and watch a movie. He was supposed to be here at 6:30, but didn't show up until 10. The next morning, he kissed me goodbye, said he'd call me when he got to work, walked out the door, and that is the last I've heard from him since.
Within a day, he had deleted me off his facebook friends and wouldn't respond to any of my texts asking if he was alive. I only texted him a couple of times, because I'll be damned if I turn into one of those chicks who lets the dude know he got to her. So. WTF happened?? I still don't know. I was talking to a different guy for a week or so a few months after the R.J. incident, and the exact same thing happened, he just stopped calling and texting, and dropped off the face of the earth. It has got to be something I'm doing, but I have no idea what it is. My girlfriends that I've shared these stories with are as puzzled as I am.
Anywho, I really really (cross your fingers) really am going to try to keep up with this blog more frequently, I super promise. I have many more stories of events that have transpired over the past few months, and I need to entertain yall with them, just so you can convince me I'm not as crazy as I think I am. :)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.
(Sing that like David Bowie, okay?)
Yeah I know, it's been over two months. Sorry. MAJOR shit has gone down in my personal life... lots of changes. And in my favorite way to recap, I'll give you a list!
Things I've done in the past month and a half:
*Quit my corporate job.
*Got a job at a teeny construction company.
*Moved back to the area where I grew up.
*Traded in living in a house for a townhome (I like it way better, no yard to mow!)
*Got me one of those boyfriend thingys.
*Possibly may be breaking up with that boyfriend thingy (jury's still out, I should have a decision by the weekend).
*Readjusting to small town living.
All of this is for the best for MP and I, and I am very happy with my decision. I thought long and hard for 6 months before I made the move, and although I worry every day still, I feel more at peace with this decision than a lot of the ones I've made in the past 4 years. I decided I wanted my daughter to grow up in a small town like I did, and be closer to family.
So. We shall see how this all turns out. I'm uncharacteristically optimistic about it all.
Hope to be back posting more on the regular. :)
Yeah I know, it's been over two months. Sorry. MAJOR shit has gone down in my personal life... lots of changes. And in my favorite way to recap, I'll give you a list!
Things I've done in the past month and a half:
*Quit my corporate job.
*Got a job at a teeny construction company.
*Moved back to the area where I grew up.
*Traded in living in a house for a townhome (I like it way better, no yard to mow!)
*Got me one of those boyfriend thingys.
*Possibly may be breaking up with that boyfriend thingy (jury's still out, I should have a decision by the weekend).
*Readjusting to small town living.
All of this is for the best for MP and I, and I am very happy with my decision. I thought long and hard for 6 months before I made the move, and although I worry every day still, I feel more at peace with this decision than a lot of the ones I've made in the past 4 years. I decided I wanted my daughter to grow up in a small town like I did, and be closer to family.
So. We shall see how this all turns out. I'm uncharacteristically optimistic about it all.
Hope to be back posting more on the regular. :)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Dirty 30.
Today's the day I've been dreading for the past, oh, six or so years. My 30th birthday. I know it's all in my head, I shouldn't be so upset and depressed about it, yeah I get it. But it's just something I've been pretty much stressing over for quite some time now.
Friday night my friend Kristin and I went to dinner and to a bar for some drinks. Apparently, I couldn't handle my liquor because I puked at the bar, outside on the deck. It was super classy. The only thing I can come up with is that I shouldn't have downed the margaritas at dinner, because I had my normal amount of alcohol, the only different variable was the margaritas. So, sorry, Rita, you and I will no longer be friendly acquaintances. You too, tequila. Those relationships are O-V-E-R. Some nice guy at the bar saw me puking and dragged over a trash can for me. Thanks, random stranger. Mucho appreciated. Kristin quickly called a cab and we went home. By that time, I was feeling much better, so when we got back we started drinking beers again. Puke 'n rally, bitches! We stayed up till about 4 drinking and dancing to rap music in our bikinis (no, I don't know why). It was, minus the ralfing at the bar, a good night with my bestie I haven't seen in a while.
Saturday when I woke up I drove out to my brother's place. The original plan was for us to go to a friend's house and BBQ and swim in her pool all day, but Mother Nature had a different plan and the torrential rain prevented us from doing that. Ended up just hanging out with my bro and Stephanie at his place, then that evening we went to the Magnolia Music Fest and saw a Texas Country singer, Cory Morrow. It was a good time, although I was still kind of hurting from the previous night's brou-ha-ha. The festival had a bunch of food booths and some small rides and stuff, but by far the coolest thing was the white tigers they had. Yes, REAL white tigers. We paid $3 each to go see them, and ended up going back about 5 or 6 more times throughout the night. Steph and I even got to feed the daddy tiger. There was also a mom tiger who had given birth to two cubs the morning before, and they were so friggin cute.
So that was my birthday celebration. This weekend my friends are throwing a crawfish boil in honor of my birthday and one of my friend's as well. Should be a great time.
Today, I took the day off work and pretty much laid in bed all day. That's just about all I wanted to do. Finally around 5ish I said fuck it and got up and took the kiddo and I out to eat for my birthday. Nobody else was gonna take me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit at home and cook hot dogs on my big 3-0. It made my day better when I checked my facebook and had like 60 new notifications, all of my friends wishing me a happy day. The one thing that's really upsetting me is the person who's supposed to be my best friend never called or even texted me. As I'm writing this, it's 8:37, so if she calls later I'll delete this part, but I'd place a large sum of money as a bet that she won't. We got in what I thought was a small disagreement, but it's been two weeks now and we haven't spoken. I just would think that whatever issues there were, she knows how I've been down in the dumps about this birthday, and I made a huge effort to make hers memorable, so I would assume she'd put away the angriness and call a truce just to say Happy Birthday. But I guess that's not important to her right now. It really hurts, and is what has been in the back of my mind all day. I just never thought a best friend would act this way, but I've been wrong before...
Friday night my friend Kristin and I went to dinner and to a bar for some drinks. Apparently, I couldn't handle my liquor because I puked at the bar, outside on the deck. It was super classy. The only thing I can come up with is that I shouldn't have downed the margaritas at dinner, because I had my normal amount of alcohol, the only different variable was the margaritas. So, sorry, Rita, you and I will no longer be friendly acquaintances. You too, tequila. Those relationships are O-V-E-R. Some nice guy at the bar saw me puking and dragged over a trash can for me. Thanks, random stranger. Mucho appreciated. Kristin quickly called a cab and we went home. By that time, I was feeling much better, so when we got back we started drinking beers again. Puke 'n rally, bitches! We stayed up till about 4 drinking and dancing to rap music in our bikinis (no, I don't know why). It was, minus the ralfing at the bar, a good night with my bestie I haven't seen in a while.
Saturday when I woke up I drove out to my brother's place. The original plan was for us to go to a friend's house and BBQ and swim in her pool all day, but Mother Nature had a different plan and the torrential rain prevented us from doing that. Ended up just hanging out with my bro and Stephanie at his place, then that evening we went to the Magnolia Music Fest and saw a Texas Country singer, Cory Morrow. It was a good time, although I was still kind of hurting from the previous night's brou-ha-ha. The festival had a bunch of food booths and some small rides and stuff, but by far the coolest thing was the white tigers they had. Yes, REAL white tigers. We paid $3 each to go see them, and ended up going back about 5 or 6 more times throughout the night. Steph and I even got to feed the daddy tiger. There was also a mom tiger who had given birth to two cubs the morning before, and they were so friggin cute.
So that was my birthday celebration. This weekend my friends are throwing a crawfish boil in honor of my birthday and one of my friend's as well. Should be a great time.
Today, I took the day off work and pretty much laid in bed all day. That's just about all I wanted to do. Finally around 5ish I said fuck it and got up and took the kiddo and I out to eat for my birthday. Nobody else was gonna take me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit at home and cook hot dogs on my big 3-0. It made my day better when I checked my facebook and had like 60 new notifications, all of my friends wishing me a happy day. The one thing that's really upsetting me is the person who's supposed to be my best friend never called or even texted me. As I'm writing this, it's 8:37, so if she calls later I'll delete this part, but I'd place a large sum of money as a bet that she won't. We got in what I thought was a small disagreement, but it's been two weeks now and we haven't spoken. I just would think that whatever issues there were, she knows how I've been down in the dumps about this birthday, and I made a huge effort to make hers memorable, so I would assume she'd put away the angriness and call a truce just to say Happy Birthday. But I guess that's not important to her right now. It really hurts, and is what has been in the back of my mind all day. I just never thought a best friend would act this way, but I've been wrong before...
Friday, May 7, 2010
Proof that karma is real.
So, last weekend was another busy one. One of the guys my brother played rugby with was getting married in Austin (a couple hours away from here), and my brother's girlfriend Stephanie and I drove up after work on Friday. My brother had to be there early to help cook for the rehearsal dinner, so Steph and I decided to carpool, and it was one of the funnest road trips ever. We got some Boone's Farm wine on the way out, and jammed to Journey, Eminem, and Guns N Roses on the way up. I had plans to hang out with Tara, one of my best friends from my hometown who now lives in Austin, so I headed over there after we met up with my brother once we got in town.
Tara took me to this honky tonk bar - just my kind of place. Juke box, pool tables, big outdoor space with picnic tables. You get it. I love low key places like this. We were sitting outside for most of the night, enjoying the beautiful Austin weather. I went inside at one point to get us some shots, and as I was chatting with the bartender, this middle aged lady next to me turns around, looks me up and down, and says, "I'm cuter than you".
I had no words. I looked at the bartender, with my mouth open, and he was cracking up. By this time I was pretty drunk, so I tapped the lady on the shoulder and said, "Could you please repeat what you just said?". She rolled her eyes and turned back around.
I was in shock. And pretty pissed, mind you. This bitch looked like she had been rode hard and put away wet a LOT in the 70's, before I was even born. She was NOT cuter than me (this said while crossing my arms and stomping my foot like a toddler). Had I not been drunk, I know it wouldn't have bothered me. Anyway, I told Tara about it, and she laughed, and we made fun of middle aged lady all night. It was pretty fun.
The next night was the wedding. Ex BF Jered was there, which I knew he would be, but I was determined not to say a word to him. As we walked up, he stopped and said hello, and I just mumbled hi as I walked by. I just did not want to have anything at all to do with him, so he couldn't go back and tell his skank girlfriend I was talking to him so she'd text me.
Later, at the reception, Jered was walking around with those disposable cameras that people sometimes have at weddings. He was taking pictures of people around me, then leans over, sticks the camera in my face, says "HATE ME", and snaps a picture. The poor bride is going to have the meanest looking picture of me, because I was glaring at him as he took the picture. What a tool.
Even later in the evening, I was at a table talking with some of the guys. I mentioned how I didn't think I was anywhere close to drunk, even after drinking beer for 4 hours, I just felt tired. Jered apparently had been standing behind me the whole time and said, "That's why I've been drinking Sangria all night, do you want some?" I paused for a few seconds and said, "Okay, I'll go with you to get some because I don't know where it is (it was hidden inside the reception hall kitchen), but you are not allowed to look at me or talk to me the entire time, ok?" He agreed, and we went inside, and as he was pouring me a drink I said, "The reason you are not allowed to speak to me is because you twisted everything last weekend so you'd seem like a big shot to your whore girlfriend, and I am not dealing with that firecrotch's drama anymore. I don't want ANYTHING to do with you after you finish pouring me that drink". He looked at me and grunted, I guess because he was following my directions not to speak, and I took my drink and walked away.
At the end of the night, everyone decided to get in the huge hot tub at the reception location. We had all thought ahead to bring swimsuits (well most of us), so we dragged the keg over and grabbed someone's iPod, and had a great time. Jered apparently didn't think ahead, so he just stood around the outside of the hot tub looking like a creeper. About an hour passed, and he decided to just get in in his boxers. As soon as he got in, I got out and told my brother and Steph I was ready. I think we all were. We loaded up and went back to the bed and breakfast we were staying at.
Sooo here's where the title of the blog comes in. I got a text last night that said:
"Jered was making out with one of the bridesmaids in the hot tub until 4AM after yall left the reception."
I just about died laughing. Firecrotch bitch was so quick to gloat about having Jered on her arm, and how much they love each other, but he CHEATED ON HER IN A HOT TUB. He never cheated on me, and said he would never cheat on anyone. Guess she's the exception.
So, Firecrotch slut screwed a man that was married for over 2 years, then broke girl code and dated a friend's ex, and now got cheated on. That's a pretty blatant example of karma, if you ask me. I don't think I've been this happy in a while. I really really really want to text her and say something, but I know that she won't believe me and will think I'm starting shit. Which is the whole point, I'd love to gloat in her face like she did in mine, but I guess I'm going to have to be the bigger person here and let her find out on her own.
I'm going to my parents' house this weekend, so it's very likely I'll have some stories next week. I hope everyone has a great Mother's Day weekend! I'll leave you with some pictures from the wedding:
Group shot of the girls - "We're cuter than you!"
Me and Steph
My brother and I (a little fuzzy)
My friend Kim and I
Tara took me to this honky tonk bar - just my kind of place. Juke box, pool tables, big outdoor space with picnic tables. You get it. I love low key places like this. We were sitting outside for most of the night, enjoying the beautiful Austin weather. I went inside at one point to get us some shots, and as I was chatting with the bartender, this middle aged lady next to me turns around, looks me up and down, and says, "I'm cuter than you".
I had no words. I looked at the bartender, with my mouth open, and he was cracking up. By this time I was pretty drunk, so I tapped the lady on the shoulder and said, "Could you please repeat what you just said?". She rolled her eyes and turned back around.
I was in shock. And pretty pissed, mind you. This bitch looked like she had been rode hard and put away wet a LOT in the 70's, before I was even born. She was NOT cuter than me (this said while crossing my arms and stomping my foot like a toddler). Had I not been drunk, I know it wouldn't have bothered me. Anyway, I told Tara about it, and she laughed, and we made fun of middle aged lady all night. It was pretty fun.
The next night was the wedding. Ex BF Jered was there, which I knew he would be, but I was determined not to say a word to him. As we walked up, he stopped and said hello, and I just mumbled hi as I walked by. I just did not want to have anything at all to do with him, so he couldn't go back and tell his skank girlfriend I was talking to him so she'd text me.
Later, at the reception, Jered was walking around with those disposable cameras that people sometimes have at weddings. He was taking pictures of people around me, then leans over, sticks the camera in my face, says "HATE ME", and snaps a picture. The poor bride is going to have the meanest looking picture of me, because I was glaring at him as he took the picture. What a tool.
Even later in the evening, I was at a table talking with some of the guys. I mentioned how I didn't think I was anywhere close to drunk, even after drinking beer for 4 hours, I just felt tired. Jered apparently had been standing behind me the whole time and said, "That's why I've been drinking Sangria all night, do you want some?" I paused for a few seconds and said, "Okay, I'll go with you to get some because I don't know where it is (it was hidden inside the reception hall kitchen), but you are not allowed to look at me or talk to me the entire time, ok?" He agreed, and we went inside, and as he was pouring me a drink I said, "The reason you are not allowed to speak to me is because you twisted everything last weekend so you'd seem like a big shot to your whore girlfriend, and I am not dealing with that firecrotch's drama anymore. I don't want ANYTHING to do with you after you finish pouring me that drink". He looked at me and grunted, I guess because he was following my directions not to speak, and I took my drink and walked away.
At the end of the night, everyone decided to get in the huge hot tub at the reception location. We had all thought ahead to bring swimsuits (well most of us), so we dragged the keg over and grabbed someone's iPod, and had a great time. Jered apparently didn't think ahead, so he just stood around the outside of the hot tub looking like a creeper. About an hour passed, and he decided to just get in in his boxers. As soon as he got in, I got out and told my brother and Steph I was ready. I think we all were. We loaded up and went back to the bed and breakfast we were staying at.
Sooo here's where the title of the blog comes in. I got a text last night that said:
"Jered was making out with one of the bridesmaids in the hot tub until 4AM after yall left the reception."
I just about died laughing. Firecrotch bitch was so quick to gloat about having Jered on her arm, and how much they love each other, but he CHEATED ON HER IN A HOT TUB. He never cheated on me, and said he would never cheat on anyone. Guess she's the exception.
So, Firecrotch slut screwed a man that was married for over 2 years, then broke girl code and dated a friend's ex, and now got cheated on. That's a pretty blatant example of karma, if you ask me. I don't think I've been this happy in a while. I really really really want to text her and say something, but I know that she won't believe me and will think I'm starting shit. Which is the whole point, I'd love to gloat in her face like she did in mine, but I guess I'm going to have to be the bigger person here and let her find out on her own.
I'm going to my parents' house this weekend, so it's very likely I'll have some stories next week. I hope everyone has a great Mother's Day weekend! I'll leave you with some pictures from the wedding:
Group shot of the girls - "We're cuter than you!"
Me and Steph
My brother and I (a little fuzzy)
My friend Kim and I
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Flopping Douchebag.
This past Friday was my brother's college rugby team's annual Alumni weekend, which I haven't missed in the past 9 or 10 years. It's always a blast, everyone comes back for the weekend and it's a great chance to see everyone who we used to party with every weekend. Re-live the glory days, if you will. Yes, I know I didn't play rugby, but those guys and their wives/girlfriends are some of my best friends, and I look forward to this weekend all year.
I got to Huntsville (the town it's held in) around 4 on Friday afternoon. It's tradition to head to the local bar that is home to the ruggers, and my brother calls it the best bar on the Earth. I have to agree. It's a great place, everyone knows everyone, the owner's super understanding of the crazy rugby players that pay his light bill every month, and the jukebox has got awesome music on it. My brother and his girlfriend Stephanie showed up about 10-15 minutes after I did, and the party was on.
About an hour or so after I got there, I glanced in the parking lot and saw my ex boyfriend Jered walking up. I may have mentioned before that he played rugby with my brother, so I pretty much knew he'd be there, and had prepared myself. Funny thing is, he actually PLAYED on the team, and I didn't of course, but everyone preferred to hang out with me at the bar and took my side on the whole breakup. THAT's pretty damn cool if you ask me. He looked so out of place and uncomfortable, and Steph and I kept giggling about it all night. La-hooo, za-herrr.
I had been avoiding the tool for the entire afternoon and evening, but around 8 or 9 he came up to me, grabbed my arm, and asked if we could talk about things. I was incredibly inebriated by this point so I rolled my eyes and said fine. We walked to the side of the bar and he starts to tell me how he really hates how things turned out with us, he was hoping we could be friends. I told him that we WERE cool when we broke up, I had no problems with being friends one day after I got over the heartbreak stuff, but then he started dating the ugly whorebag ex friend of mine. Yes, I used all of those words. I also called her firecrotch slut, disgusting, and almost anything else I could think of. I also said I'm surprised he would date a girl who slept with married men. He didn't really say much as I was talking shit on his girlfriend, which was surprising. I also said she and him deserved each other because they are both shitty people. He then proceeded to tell me that he loves her. I was with the guy for an entire YEAR and he would always tell me that he didn't love me. That kind of stopped me in my tracks, because I realized he was trying to hurt me, but it didn't work because I am so over it. I said, "well maybe she can deal with your weird sexual fetishes because I sure couldn't, even though I did love you". I think I won that round.
He told me that I'd left some boxes at my old house (his new girlfriend's house, remember) when I moved out, and that he'd brought them with him because he figured he'd see my brother. I told him, let's go get them because I wanted that to be the end of it... closure. We walked to his truck then to my car to put the stuff away, then he walked back over to where my brother and Steph were sitting. And that's when the best thing I've ever seen happened.
I introduced Steph to Jered, she looked him up and down with narrowed eyes, and said, "Oh, yes, you must be Amber's douchebag ex."
I died laughing.
Thank you, Steph, for that. I think that's an introduction for the history books.
He walked off shortly after that, and the party continued. We went back to one of our friends' houses for the after party, and douchebag ex showed up and passed out on the couch. I went downstairs to go to sleep around 4 (I think).
The next morning I woke up, on the floor, with no pillow, with one of my guy friends spooning me with his hand in my jeans pocket. Under a snuggie. WTF. It's probably one of the weirdest things I've woken up to. I was fully clothed though, so all was good.
Then I checked my phone, and there was a text from the ex's girlfriend. It said, "Please grow up".
WHAT.THE.FUCK. I was beyond livid.
I responded "Lose my number, bitch", and ran upstairs to look for Jered. I found him on the couch he passed out on and smacked him in the head to wake him up. I said, "I don't know what the fuck you told your whore girlfriend but obviously she's a psycho. Tell her to NEVER call or text me again". He looked thoroughly confused, and said he'd take care of it, and as we were talking another text came through from her - "Then stop talking about." I told him he could add on to the message to never call me again that she should probably learn grammar and the English language as well.
All I can think of is that he told her that I was talking shit about her, which isn't a lie. I'm sure there was some exaggeration on his part so he could feel important, but that's okay. Some people feel the need to lie to feel better about themselves.
I'll be seeing him again this weekend for one of the rugby guys' weddings. I asked him last weekend if he was going and he said he was, and said he wasn't bringing his girlfriend because he didn't think it was appropriate. Now, why would it be appropriate to date her but not bring her?? I think he was worried I'd start something with her, which I would NEVER do at someone's wedding. I WOULD, however, make damn sure that none of my friends talked to her, which means the only person that she could conversate with would be her boyfriend. I kinda wish she would go just so I could see it. :)
This post ran a lot longer than expected, so I'll fill you in on the ZZ Top concert I went to Saturday night at another time.
**UPDATE: Upon reading this, Steph sent me the following email that I think I should include because it's funny: "You forgot the part when I asked Jered why he wasn’t bringing fire crotch to the wedding and he told me “it just wouldn’t be appropriate” to which I responded “Oh but f*cking her behind Amber’s back for several weeks after Amber specifically asked Laine NOT to go after you was appropriate”?"***
You see why I love her?
Oh yeah, Sassypants is doing well, she's due in a couple of months, and is having another boy. She is beyond ready to pop the kid out, and is extremely miserable. I'm going to get on her to post on her blog, since she's been MIA for MONTHS.
I got to Huntsville (the town it's held in) around 4 on Friday afternoon. It's tradition to head to the local bar that is home to the ruggers, and my brother calls it the best bar on the Earth. I have to agree. It's a great place, everyone knows everyone, the owner's super understanding of the crazy rugby players that pay his light bill every month, and the jukebox has got awesome music on it. My brother and his girlfriend Stephanie showed up about 10-15 minutes after I did, and the party was on.
About an hour or so after I got there, I glanced in the parking lot and saw my ex boyfriend Jered walking up. I may have mentioned before that he played rugby with my brother, so I pretty much knew he'd be there, and had prepared myself. Funny thing is, he actually PLAYED on the team, and I didn't of course, but everyone preferred to hang out with me at the bar and took my side on the whole breakup. THAT's pretty damn cool if you ask me. He looked so out of place and uncomfortable, and Steph and I kept giggling about it all night. La-hooo, za-herrr.
I had been avoiding the tool for the entire afternoon and evening, but around 8 or 9 he came up to me, grabbed my arm, and asked if we could talk about things. I was incredibly inebriated by this point so I rolled my eyes and said fine. We walked to the side of the bar and he starts to tell me how he really hates how things turned out with us, he was hoping we could be friends. I told him that we WERE cool when we broke up, I had no problems with being friends one day after I got over the heartbreak stuff, but then he started dating the ugly whorebag ex friend of mine. Yes, I used all of those words. I also called her firecrotch slut, disgusting, and almost anything else I could think of. I also said I'm surprised he would date a girl who slept with married men. He didn't really say much as I was talking shit on his girlfriend, which was surprising. I also said she and him deserved each other because they are both shitty people. He then proceeded to tell me that he loves her. I was with the guy for an entire YEAR and he would always tell me that he didn't love me. That kind of stopped me in my tracks, because I realized he was trying to hurt me, but it didn't work because I am so over it. I said, "well maybe she can deal with your weird sexual fetishes because I sure couldn't, even though I did love you". I think I won that round.
He told me that I'd left some boxes at my old house (his new girlfriend's house, remember) when I moved out, and that he'd brought them with him because he figured he'd see my brother. I told him, let's go get them because I wanted that to be the end of it... closure. We walked to his truck then to my car to put the stuff away, then he walked back over to where my brother and Steph were sitting. And that's when the best thing I've ever seen happened.
I introduced Steph to Jered, she looked him up and down with narrowed eyes, and said, "Oh, yes, you must be Amber's douchebag ex."
I died laughing.
Thank you, Steph, for that. I think that's an introduction for the history books.
He walked off shortly after that, and the party continued. We went back to one of our friends' houses for the after party, and douchebag ex showed up and passed out on the couch. I went downstairs to go to sleep around 4 (I think).
The next morning I woke up, on the floor, with no pillow, with one of my guy friends spooning me with his hand in my jeans pocket. Under a snuggie. WTF. It's probably one of the weirdest things I've woken up to. I was fully clothed though, so all was good.
Then I checked my phone, and there was a text from the ex's girlfriend. It said, "Please grow up".
WHAT.THE.FUCK. I was beyond livid.
I responded "Lose my number, bitch", and ran upstairs to look for Jered. I found him on the couch he passed out on and smacked him in the head to wake him up. I said, "I don't know what the fuck you told your whore girlfriend but obviously she's a psycho. Tell her to NEVER call or text me again". He looked thoroughly confused, and said he'd take care of it, and as we were talking another text came through from her - "Then stop talking about." I told him he could add on to the message to never call me again that she should probably learn grammar and the English language as well.
All I can think of is that he told her that I was talking shit about her, which isn't a lie. I'm sure there was some exaggeration on his part so he could feel important, but that's okay. Some people feel the need to lie to feel better about themselves.
I'll be seeing him again this weekend for one of the rugby guys' weddings. I asked him last weekend if he was going and he said he was, and said he wasn't bringing his girlfriend because he didn't think it was appropriate. Now, why would it be appropriate to date her but not bring her?? I think he was worried I'd start something with her, which I would NEVER do at someone's wedding. I WOULD, however, make damn sure that none of my friends talked to her, which means the only person that she could conversate with would be her boyfriend. I kinda wish she would go just so I could see it. :)
This post ran a lot longer than expected, so I'll fill you in on the ZZ Top concert I went to Saturday night at another time.
**UPDATE: Upon reading this, Steph sent me the following email that I think I should include because it's funny: "You forgot the part when I asked Jered why he wasn’t bringing fire crotch to the wedding and he told me “it just wouldn’t be appropriate” to which I responded “Oh but f*cking her behind Amber’s back for several weeks after Amber specifically asked Laine NOT to go after you was appropriate”?"***
You see why I love her?
Oh yeah, Sassypants is doing well, she's due in a couple of months, and is having another boy. She is beyond ready to pop the kid out, and is extremely miserable. I'm going to get on her to post on her blog, since she's been MIA for MONTHS.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
What does the barber say? Neeeeext!
Below is the story of the dude I was seeing. I'm hella busy at work, but feel like a total asshole because I never post anymore. So here goes...
I've known Chris since junior high, never really hung out with him because he's two years older, but he was always at high school parties and whatnot so our paths crossed often. Later, I'd see him occasionally at bars, but he was dating this girl I knew and they had a crazy psychotic relationship that everyone made fun of (kinda like this-isn't-working-but-if-I-can't-have-you-nobody-will-and-I'll-burn-your-fucking-house-down kind of thing). I'd heard all kinds of stuff that she was straight-jacket-crazy, but we have a bunch of mutual friends so I'd see her out a lot, and she never seemed like that to me. Little did I know.
Over the Christmas holidays, I ended up going over to Chris's house a few times with my brother, who is good friends with Chris's roommate. We got to talking one night, and Chris mentioned he had tickets to go see Lil Wayne (don't judge, you know you'd go too) and said he couldn't find anyone to go with him, would I wanna go? I said hell yeah and gave him my number, and that was the beginning. He texted me that night, and every single day after that until the end. Didn't end up getting to go to the concert because I had to be back in Houston and didn't want to drive back to my hometown in the middle of the week for just one night, but it was ok. After New Year's, I went back home and Chris invited me over to hang out and watch the Cowboys game (I love the Cowboys!). That was the beginning. Long story short, we ended up seeing each other every weekend for two months.
During this time, I knew his psycho ex would freak out if she found out we were seeing each other, so I asked him to keep it quiet for the sake of my car tires and for his testicles. She'd have cut them both if she found out. I was thinking there was no need for her to know since it wasn't anything serious.
**Before you go thinking I broke girl code and refer back to what happened to me a few months ago, I'll clarify that me and his ex weren't friends, didn't hang out, anything like that, so I didn't feel I was crossing a line. I honestly thought long and hard (hee hee) about it, and after talking to several friends, we all came to the conclusion that I was NOT breaking girl code. Just to be clear. :) Anyway, back to the story**
So, after over a month or so of talking every day and seeing each other every weekend, and him getting a little jealous of guys hitting on me while we're out, I decide to have the talk about where this is going. I also decide that we haven't been really discreet about this, so since there are so many mutual friends, crazy ex is bound to find out, and I think she should hear it from him instead of through the gossip mill. I should probably mention that the crazy ex called him all the time, and one time when I posted what bar I was at on facebook, she commented and said, "Chris is there playing pool" and immediately started blowing his phone up asking who was all in the bar. I obviously went there with him, but said, "oh yeah I just saw him... small world". This made me start thinking... she knew he was there, so he must be actually talking to her, instead of ignoring her calls like he told me he was doing. Hmmm.
Few weeks later, Chris is supposed to come to Houston to stay with me for the weekend. Monday night of that week, he called me and said, "Hey, crazy ex found out about you and I seeing each other, if she calls you don't answer". Which she did about 5 minutes later. Now, my thoughts were, it's not my place to get involved in whatever drama they have. Below is the text conversation we had after I didn't answer her call:
Crazy Ex (CE): "I am not trying to be the crazy ex [she even said it!!] but I know you have been talking to Chris. I am hurt. I know you have to be aware of how close Chris and I and how much we love each other. I just want to talk to you about this."
Me: "I'm sorry if you're hurt. Don't know how you heard but wanted it to be from him and not from anyone else. I don't see why we'd need to talk about this though."
CE: "Oh I have been talking to him about this and will more in a bit. I stay with him at least once a month. I was there all last week. [Funny, because I stayed with him that weekend. Another example of her delusions.] I could forward you tons of text messages from today on how much he loves me and misses me and that he wants to marry me still."
Me: "See, this is what I didn't want... drama. I'm going to let you guys hash it out, I really don't want to be involved. I could tell you what he says to me but that's not my place and it's none of your business."
So I let Chris know what's going on and went to bed, sick of dealing with all this. At 2:30 AM I get a text from her that says:
"Sorry so late. Chris and I are okay. We're going to give it another shot. We really do love each other a lot. I asked him if this would upset you but he said no that you were just friends and nothing more".
WHAT!?
The next morning, he called as usual, and I said, so I guess we're done here, right, you're back with crazy ex? And he said, "WTF are you talking about, no way... she called me last night saying she was going to kill herself, shaking a bottle of pills into the phone so I could hear them, and saying I need to call 911. I haven't talked to her since." As we were talking, I checked my facebook and the girl updated her relationship status to "In a Relationship" and said, FINALLY BACK WITH CHRIS! in her updates. I started laughing and told him, and he flipped out. Within two minutes both of the updates were deleted.
Friday comes, and Chris is supposed to come to Houston after work. As we're talking that day, I've got this weird feeling, and I tell him that I'd bet anything she's going to be at his house when he gets off work that day. I just know how crazy she is. I should have mentioned before, she lives in Austin, which is a 5 hour drive from where he lives. But I know how this girl works, and I told him I'd be willing to bet a very large sum of money that she'd be at his house that afternoon. He told me I was absolutely nuts, and there was no way. That evening, around 5 (when he gets off work), I checked facebook and on crazy ex's updates it says "Good 'ol Paulwood!" Paulwood's the name of his subdivision.
I flipped out and texted him, and said, "Have fun with crazy ex. I'm done." He responded that yes, she had been there, but he made her leave. I told him if he didn't make it to my house that evening and put forth some effort, I was done.
He didn't drive to Houston.
Now they're back together.
I'm such an idiot, every word out of his mouth must have been a lie the whole time we were seeing each other, and I was so dumb I believed him. All I can assume is that he expected me to never find out he still talked to her so much, and never expected me to get some balls and end things.
Like a game of football, I got PLAYED, dude.
Oh well... like Jay Z says, on to the next one.
I've known Chris since junior high, never really hung out with him because he's two years older, but he was always at high school parties and whatnot so our paths crossed often. Later, I'd see him occasionally at bars, but he was dating this girl I knew and they had a crazy psychotic relationship that everyone made fun of (kinda like this-isn't-working-but-if-I-can't-have-you-nobody-will-and-I'll-burn-your-fucking-house-down kind of thing). I'd heard all kinds of stuff that she was straight-jacket-crazy, but we have a bunch of mutual friends so I'd see her out a lot, and she never seemed like that to me. Little did I know.
Over the Christmas holidays, I ended up going over to Chris's house a few times with my brother, who is good friends with Chris's roommate. We got to talking one night, and Chris mentioned he had tickets to go see Lil Wayne (don't judge, you know you'd go too) and said he couldn't find anyone to go with him, would I wanna go? I said hell yeah and gave him my number, and that was the beginning. He texted me that night, and every single day after that until the end. Didn't end up getting to go to the concert because I had to be back in Houston and didn't want to drive back to my hometown in the middle of the week for just one night, but it was ok. After New Year's, I went back home and Chris invited me over to hang out and watch the Cowboys game (I love the Cowboys!). That was the beginning. Long story short, we ended up seeing each other every weekend for two months.
During this time, I knew his psycho ex would freak out if she found out we were seeing each other, so I asked him to keep it quiet for the sake of my car tires and for his testicles. She'd have cut them both if she found out. I was thinking there was no need for her to know since it wasn't anything serious.
**Before you go thinking I broke girl code and refer back to what happened to me a few months ago, I'll clarify that me and his ex weren't friends, didn't hang out, anything like that, so I didn't feel I was crossing a line. I honestly thought long and hard (hee hee) about it, and after talking to several friends, we all came to the conclusion that I was NOT breaking girl code. Just to be clear. :) Anyway, back to the story**
So, after over a month or so of talking every day and seeing each other every weekend, and him getting a little jealous of guys hitting on me while we're out, I decide to have the talk about where this is going. I also decide that we haven't been really discreet about this, so since there are so many mutual friends, crazy ex is bound to find out, and I think she should hear it from him instead of through the gossip mill. I should probably mention that the crazy ex called him all the time, and one time when I posted what bar I was at on facebook, she commented and said, "Chris is there playing pool" and immediately started blowing his phone up asking who was all in the bar. I obviously went there with him, but said, "oh yeah I just saw him... small world". This made me start thinking... she knew he was there, so he must be actually talking to her, instead of ignoring her calls like he told me he was doing. Hmmm.
Few weeks later, Chris is supposed to come to Houston to stay with me for the weekend. Monday night of that week, he called me and said, "Hey, crazy ex found out about you and I seeing each other, if she calls you don't answer". Which she did about 5 minutes later. Now, my thoughts were, it's not my place to get involved in whatever drama they have. Below is the text conversation we had after I didn't answer her call:
Crazy Ex (CE): "I am not trying to be the crazy ex [she even said it!!] but I know you have been talking to Chris. I am hurt. I know you have to be aware of how close Chris and I and how much we love each other. I just want to talk to you about this."
Me: "I'm sorry if you're hurt. Don't know how you heard but wanted it to be from him and not from anyone else. I don't see why we'd need to talk about this though."
CE: "Oh I have been talking to him about this and will more in a bit. I stay with him at least once a month. I was there all last week. [Funny, because I stayed with him that weekend. Another example of her delusions.] I could forward you tons of text messages from today on how much he loves me and misses me and that he wants to marry me still."
Me: "See, this is what I didn't want... drama. I'm going to let you guys hash it out, I really don't want to be involved. I could tell you what he says to me but that's not my place and it's none of your business."
So I let Chris know what's going on and went to bed, sick of dealing with all this. At 2:30 AM I get a text from her that says:
"Sorry so late. Chris and I are okay. We're going to give it another shot. We really do love each other a lot. I asked him if this would upset you but he said no that you were just friends and nothing more".
WHAT!?
The next morning, he called as usual, and I said, so I guess we're done here, right, you're back with crazy ex? And he said, "WTF are you talking about, no way... she called me last night saying she was going to kill herself, shaking a bottle of pills into the phone so I could hear them, and saying I need to call 911. I haven't talked to her since." As we were talking, I checked my facebook and the girl updated her relationship status to "In a Relationship" and said, FINALLY BACK WITH CHRIS! in her updates. I started laughing and told him, and he flipped out. Within two minutes both of the updates were deleted.
Friday comes, and Chris is supposed to come to Houston after work. As we're talking that day, I've got this weird feeling, and I tell him that I'd bet anything she's going to be at his house when he gets off work that day. I just know how crazy she is. I should have mentioned before, she lives in Austin, which is a 5 hour drive from where he lives. But I know how this girl works, and I told him I'd be willing to bet a very large sum of money that she'd be at his house that afternoon. He told me I was absolutely nuts, and there was no way. That evening, around 5 (when he gets off work), I checked facebook and on crazy ex's updates it says "Good 'ol Paulwood!" Paulwood's the name of his subdivision.
I flipped out and texted him, and said, "Have fun with crazy ex. I'm done." He responded that yes, she had been there, but he made her leave. I told him if he didn't make it to my house that evening and put forth some effort, I was done.
He didn't drive to Houston.
Now they're back together.
I'm such an idiot, every word out of his mouth must have been a lie the whole time we were seeing each other, and I was so dumb I believed him. All I can assume is that he expected me to never find out he still talked to her so much, and never expected me to get some balls and end things.
Like a game of football, I got PLAYED, dude.
Oh well... like Jay Z says, on to the next one.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Duuuude. I've been gone a while.
I just realized I last posted way back in January. I always have stuff happening to me that I think to myself I need to blog about, but life's been getting in the way a lot lately. I'll give you bullet points, as I seem to do a lot, and hopefully get back atcha in the next few days to give you full recaps.
* Guy I got under in the last post is no longer in my life. Long story that will have to have it's own seperate post because it's a doozy. I'm thisclose to becoming a lesbian or starting my cat collection, either one.
* I just recently (as of this week) transferred jobs at work. This is part of the reason I've been MIA.
* A trip to the bar last weekend that included about 12 shots (no exaggeration), me groping the bartender's store-bought boobies, and dropping it like it's hot on the pole in the middle of the plywood dance floor. I don't get down like that anymore, and I was hurtin' for the whole next morning after. But it was fun. :)
That's all I can think of at this moment. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead. Oh, and Sassy Pants is still alive and kickin' too... still prego and starting to waddle. I know the sex of the baby but I don't know if she wants to share it with yall herself or not so I'm not stealing her glory. BUT she hasn't posted since like October, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'll ask her and get back with you.
Hopefully, I'll be able to wrap this post up within two or three days. Cross your fingers that I'll be able to do so...if I still have anyone out there interested in the goings on of my pathetic life... :)
* Guy I got under in the last post is no longer in my life. Long story that will have to have it's own seperate post because it's a doozy. I'm thisclose to becoming a lesbian or starting my cat collection, either one.
* I just recently (as of this week) transferred jobs at work. This is part of the reason I've been MIA.
* A trip to the bar last weekend that included about 12 shots (no exaggeration), me groping the bartender's store-bought boobies, and dropping it like it's hot on the pole in the middle of the plywood dance floor. I don't get down like that anymore, and I was hurtin' for the whole next morning after. But it was fun. :)
That's all I can think of at this moment. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead. Oh, and Sassy Pants is still alive and kickin' too... still prego and starting to waddle. I know the sex of the baby but I don't know if she wants to share it with yall herself or not so I'm not stealing her glory. BUT she hasn't posted since like October, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'll ask her and get back with you.
Hopefully, I'll be able to wrap this post up within two or three days. Cross your fingers that I'll be able to do so...if I still have anyone out there interested in the goings on of my pathetic life... :)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The best way to get over a guy...
is to get under a new one.
One of my favorite quotes from "Sex and the City". It's ohhh so true. :)
One of my favorite quotes from "Sex and the City". It's ohhh so true. :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The full stories from the last post.
Below are the full (or, maybe condensed a bit) explanations of the event teasers I left you with on Christmas Day. I was drunk when I wrote them, by the way, so it's kinda amusing seeing what I wrote and now having to explain them. I've included the original text so you (I) can remember what I wrote. Here goes:
**Mom got effed up on Christmas Eve. Shocker.
Yeah, I may have mentioned before that my mom has an addiction to prescription painkillers that she won't admit to. She thinks my brother and I are crazy, and she thinks she doesn't have a problem. Anyway. She got all spaced out at my dad's parent's house and ended up eating pecan pie (or jabbing a fork into the full pie tin and missing her mouth on the way to take a bite) in a sleepy daze. I could have slapped the bitch, and would have if my grandmother hadn't have been sitting right there. Or if my brother didn't yank me outside.
**I spent Christmas Eve in a BYOB bar. Pictures will be included.
After said "high mother" incident, my brother and I grabbed a bottle of bourbon and went to a dirty bar that serves beer only (that's why we brought our own bottle) and listened to drunks sing horrible Christmas karaoke and play pool. I think at one point I floated above my body, looked down, and realized how pathetic it was to be sitting on an old spool that was serving as a bar stool, swigging cheap bourbon out of the bottle, with a guy with one eye hitting on me, and my brother off-key-karaokeing ZZ Top with a pool cue as his fake guitar. Then I just realized that's life and tried to make the best of it. And here are the pictures. Excuse the quality, they're from my Blackberry, in a dark bar, with a not so sober hand holding the phone.
The sum of our bar experience: Beer, bourbon, quarters for playing pool, and smokes. KLASSY.
Me standing next to the neon Christmas tree, swigging my cheap bourbon. My bro thought it would win for most pathetic Christmas card.:
My brother holding a Christmas card some 500 pound man gave me. You can see the upscale bar atmosphere in the background.
**Snuggie action.
Nuff said... here's a picture of my dad in the pink snuggie Santa brought me:
**Waffle House.
You should know this story by now. We get yummy Waffle House every Christmas morning. This year I actually got to sit my ass on the couch while my brother had to get out and pick it up. Ha, sucka!
**Drunken Santa present giving involving Twister and a broken lamp.
Since my brother and I had been at a bar on Christmas Eve, we were not sober when we got home, and had to put out MP's gifts from Santa. We got everything set up, got in bed and had almost passed out when MP woke up and said no way she could sleep and ran in the living room before I could stop her. I had to get everyone out of bed so they could see her open her gifts, and we ended up drinking coffee at 1:30AM and watching her play with everything. This included Twister. My brother volunteered to play with her, lost his not-quite-sober-yet balance, and fell into that table up there in the picture next to my dad, and broke the lamp. Here's a pic pre-disaster:
**White Elephant gift exchange almost coming to blows.
I got a margarita machine out of the gift exchange, and everyone wanted it. That simple. But I ended up walking away with it, thank goodness.
**Whiskey, beer, and karaoke.
I think I've told this story already. Damn, I was drunk when I wrote the list.
**Drunk uncle who never drinks slurring words awesomely.
My super straight laced uncle put away an entire bottle of Crown, and entertained me ALL Christmas day. Since I was drunk as well, I can't remember what he said. Dammit. I know he had some great drunk slurry made-up words.
**Family arguing abundantly.
But that's a given, right? Especially when your mom takes non-prescribed narcotics and ruins the 6th Christmas in a row.
**Cheese dip ruining my expensive peacoat.
I was in charge of bringing the crock pot full of cheese dip back from my grandmothers, and that was a bad idea. I was drunk, tripped over the cord, and the crock pot spilled the lava-like Velveeta all over me and my coat. Thankfully, I have finally located all the areas of cheesy gooeyness and removed them. Only took me a week.
So. Merry freaking Christmas. Hope everyone had a wonderful one... and my New Year's Eve trip to New Orleans post will follow soon. :)
Friday, December 25, 2009
SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT...
But not enough time. Here's the bullet points...
**Mom got effed up on Christmas Eve. Shocker.
**I spent Christmas Eve in a BYOB bar. Pictures will be included.
**Snuggie action.
**Waffle House.
**Drunken Santa present giving involving Twister and a broken lamp.
**White Elephant gift exchange almost coming to blows.
**Whiskey, beer, and karaoke.
**Drunk uncle who never drinks slurring words awesomely.
**Family arguing abundantly.
**Cheese dip ruining my expensive peacoat.
I'll leave you with that to think about until I have the time to actually write the post. You'll need to tune in for that one. :)
**Mom got effed up on Christmas Eve. Shocker.
**I spent Christmas Eve in a BYOB bar. Pictures will be included.
**Snuggie action.
**Waffle House.
**Drunken Santa present giving involving Twister and a broken lamp.
**White Elephant gift exchange almost coming to blows.
**Whiskey, beer, and karaoke.
**Drunk uncle who never drinks slurring words awesomely.
**Family arguing abundantly.
**Cheese dip ruining my expensive peacoat.
I'll leave you with that to think about until I have the time to actually write the post. You'll need to tune in for that one. :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Overflowing with frickin' Christmas cheer. Or not.
I know I'm not the only one stressed out around the holidays. It's a given that EVERYONE'S stress level spikes around this time. That's why it's so hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit and enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, etc., because I've constantly got a knot in my stomach about money, gifts, travel, etc. I've actually done better this year though, I got my Christmas tree the Monday after Thanksgiving (more to come on that), and taken MP to look at lights, and watched all the claymation Christmas specials, etc. like a good mommy should. Since I haven't posted stories in a while, I figured today would be a good day to do that (since I'm at work, nobody's here, and I have less to do than I normally do). Here goes.
I went to get my Christmas tree early this year, since I like having it in my house for the whole month of December. I always get a real tree... I know it's more work than an artificial one, but I love the way my house smells. It just smells like Christmas. Anyway, I went to a garden center here in Houston, and was worried bc I've never had to do the whole tree thing alone before, and I was wondering how I was going to manage getting the tree on/in my car (I drive a SUV), and in my house. I asked the guy at the center if he could help put it on my car, and of course he didn't speak English. Ask three more people, and none of them speak English either. NOBODY in the damn place spoke English. I literally threw my hands up in the air and stomped out of the place, I was so pissed. THIS IS AMERICA. Have someone in your store that can speak the native language, mmkay!? So I go to Kroger, and they have trees there! I was so excited. I know everyone speaks English there. I get a little guy to help me get the 7' tree to my car, and on the way out of the store, I slip and fall right on my ass. I was only on the ground for a millisecond because I jumped right back up, but MP yelled, "MOMMY ARE YOU OKAY! YOU JUST FELL!!", drawing attention to me. There was a lady coming out of the store behind me and she had this look on her face... I looked at her and said, "It's okay, you can laugh. If I walked out of a store behind you and you fell, I'd totally laugh after I knew you were okay". So she did. I would have done the same. Anyway, we get the tree IN my car (yeah that was fun), and I get home and realize I have absolutely nobody to help me do this. So I roll my sleeves up, change shoes, and proceed to drag this enormous tree up my walkway and into my house. A half hour later, I had it in the stand (somewhat) securely, and ready for MP and I to decorate. It may or may not be leaning towards the wall a bit, but hey, I did it all by myself.
MP's class holiday party was last week. The room mom was going to be out of town, so she emailed me and asked if I could handle coordinating the day of stuff, and I hesitantly said I would. Now, here's my deal. I am a single mom that works full time. There are plenty of moms in the class that don't work that she could have asked. I don't mind helping out at all, but my idea of helping out is bringing a couple bags of chips and showing up in time to help my kiddo decorate her ornament. Instead, since I felt bad saying no, I took the day off work so I could make sure to be at the school early and prepared, and I could also try to knock out my shopping in the morning. When I get to the classroom, two other moms are there and bitching about what a crappy room mom the other lady is, and how everything is stupid, and how they could have done a much better job. WTF. I hate people like this. (Sidenote - I know I'm Negative Nancy a lot, but the way these women were bitching, you'd think the children's Christmas craft was making Nazi swastikas out of cotton balls or something. They were just bitching to bitch.) I shut my mouth and worked on getting the ornament stuff sorted out and organized, all while they're bitching and moaning about the room mom who's not there to defend herself. They also don't bother talking to me. Now, I know some of my blog friends are stay at home moms, but from what I gather, you are not THIS TYPE of SAHM. These bitches wear Juicy Couture track suits, have perfectly manicured nails, fresh highlights with perfectly cut hair, and spend all day shopping with their husband's money. Ok, fine. But the worst part is these ladies look down on me like I'm trash because I'm a single mom, work full time, send my daughter to school with messy hair and unmatched socks sometimes (MP likes to dress herself, and I don't always notice if one sock is pink and one is white, sue me), and don't wear designer clothes. I CANNOT STAND BITCHES LIKE THIS. I did the bare minimum to get through the class party then took MP home early. I will continue to go to school functions because it makes MP's day, but I will never, NEVER offer to set up or coordinate another one. Let those bitches fight about it, I'm o-u-t.
So I also have a story about babydaddy, but since this post's gone a little long, I'll save that one. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to write while I'm in my hometown trying to avoid my crazy ass family. If you need a reminder of what I have to go through on the holidays, see here.
Hope everyone has a great Christmas/Hanukah/whatever you celebrate!
I went to get my Christmas tree early this year, since I like having it in my house for the whole month of December. I always get a real tree... I know it's more work than an artificial one, but I love the way my house smells. It just smells like Christmas. Anyway, I went to a garden center here in Houston, and was worried bc I've never had to do the whole tree thing alone before, and I was wondering how I was going to manage getting the tree on/in my car (I drive a SUV), and in my house. I asked the guy at the center if he could help put it on my car, and of course he didn't speak English. Ask three more people, and none of them speak English either. NOBODY in the damn place spoke English. I literally threw my hands up in the air and stomped out of the place, I was so pissed. THIS IS AMERICA. Have someone in your store that can speak the native language, mmkay!? So I go to Kroger, and they have trees there! I was so excited. I know everyone speaks English there. I get a little guy to help me get the 7' tree to my car, and on the way out of the store, I slip and fall right on my ass. I was only on the ground for a millisecond because I jumped right back up, but MP yelled, "MOMMY ARE YOU OKAY! YOU JUST FELL!!", drawing attention to me. There was a lady coming out of the store behind me and she had this look on her face... I looked at her and said, "It's okay, you can laugh. If I walked out of a store behind you and you fell, I'd totally laugh after I knew you were okay". So she did. I would have done the same. Anyway, we get the tree IN my car (yeah that was fun), and I get home and realize I have absolutely nobody to help me do this. So I roll my sleeves up, change shoes, and proceed to drag this enormous tree up my walkway and into my house. A half hour later, I had it in the stand (somewhat) securely, and ready for MP and I to decorate. It may or may not be leaning towards the wall a bit, but hey, I did it all by myself.
MP's class holiday party was last week. The room mom was going to be out of town, so she emailed me and asked if I could handle coordinating the day of stuff, and I hesitantly said I would. Now, here's my deal. I am a single mom that works full time. There are plenty of moms in the class that don't work that she could have asked. I don't mind helping out at all, but my idea of helping out is bringing a couple bags of chips and showing up in time to help my kiddo decorate her ornament. Instead, since I felt bad saying no, I took the day off work so I could make sure to be at the school early and prepared, and I could also try to knock out my shopping in the morning. When I get to the classroom, two other moms are there and bitching about what a crappy room mom the other lady is, and how everything is stupid, and how they could have done a much better job. WTF. I hate people like this. (Sidenote - I know I'm Negative Nancy a lot, but the way these women were bitching, you'd think the children's Christmas craft was making Nazi swastikas out of cotton balls or something. They were just bitching to bitch.) I shut my mouth and worked on getting the ornament stuff sorted out and organized, all while they're bitching and moaning about the room mom who's not there to defend herself. They also don't bother talking to me. Now, I know some of my blog friends are stay at home moms, but from what I gather, you are not THIS TYPE of SAHM. These bitches wear Juicy Couture track suits, have perfectly manicured nails, fresh highlights with perfectly cut hair, and spend all day shopping with their husband's money. Ok, fine. But the worst part is these ladies look down on me like I'm trash because I'm a single mom, work full time, send my daughter to school with messy hair and unmatched socks sometimes (MP likes to dress herself, and I don't always notice if one sock is pink and one is white, sue me), and don't wear designer clothes. I CANNOT STAND BITCHES LIKE THIS. I did the bare minimum to get through the class party then took MP home early. I will continue to go to school functions because it makes MP's day, but I will never, NEVER offer to set up or coordinate another one. Let those bitches fight about it, I'm o-u-t.
So I also have a story about babydaddy, but since this post's gone a little long, I'll save that one. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to write while I'm in my hometown trying to avoid my crazy ass family. If you need a reminder of what I have to go through on the holidays, see here.
Hope everyone has a great Christmas/Hanukah/whatever you celebrate!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Quote of the day
"I can't believe you made me turn off Mmm Bop to listen to New Kids on the Block!"
From my brother, tonight.
He came in town to hang out with me, since MP's grounded (AGAIN. She just can't keep her yap shut in class. Her words, not mine.) and our plans to go to Sassy's house had to get cancelled.
We were playing our favorite drinking game, which is switching between the music channels on cable to see who could name the artist first without looking at the screen. Bonus points if you can name both artist and song. We were switching between 80's and 90's channels, and Hanson was on first (which he got right off the bat...embarrassing for a 27 year old hetero dude), so I switched to 80's and got the first words of NKOTB because they're my favorite, and he said the above sentence. I made him listen to the rest of "Didn't I Blow Your Mind (This Time)", and he got angry.
Guess Hanson's less gay?? DOUBT IT.
I love my brother.
From my brother, tonight.
He came in town to hang out with me, since MP's grounded (AGAIN. She just can't keep her yap shut in class. Her words, not mine.) and our plans to go to Sassy's house had to get cancelled.
We were playing our favorite drinking game, which is switching between the music channels on cable to see who could name the artist first without looking at the screen. Bonus points if you can name both artist and song. We were switching between 80's and 90's channels, and Hanson was on first (which he got right off the bat...embarrassing for a 27 year old hetero dude), so I switched to 80's and got the first words of NKOTB because they're my favorite, and he said the above sentence. I made him listen to the rest of "Didn't I Blow Your Mind (This Time)", and he got angry.
Guess Hanson's less gay?? DOUBT IT.
I love my brother.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Holy Snowballs Batman!
It's actually snowing here.
In Houston, Texas.
I've seen snow about 4 times in my entire life, and only once did it collect on the ground and stay for more than an hour. This one's supposed to be a pretty big snowstorm, like with actual inches collected on the ground. I am like a little kid right now, I want to play in the snow because I never have!! I know some of my Northern friends will find this absolutely crazy, but it's true. It's such a big deal here that everyone's been freaking out about it for a week now. Today I left work around 11 to drive home and log on from there, so I wouldn't have to drive in rush hour traffic with the snow/rain/ice, and once I got here and logged on there was a company-wide email sent out saying that everyone was being sent home. Scooore! I'm on my way to light a fire in the fireplace, lay on the couch, look at my pretty Christmas tree, and catch up on some DVR'd shows I never have time to watch. Maybe some wine too... don't judge, I know it's only 1PM, but it's totally appropriate for the circumstances. Who am I kidding, I'd probably still drink if it was sunny and 75 degrees...
I wish it would snow every Friday!
In Houston, Texas.
I've seen snow about 4 times in my entire life, and only once did it collect on the ground and stay for more than an hour. This one's supposed to be a pretty big snowstorm, like with actual inches collected on the ground. I am like a little kid right now, I want to play in the snow because I never have!! I know some of my Northern friends will find this absolutely crazy, but it's true. It's such a big deal here that everyone's been freaking out about it for a week now. Today I left work around 11 to drive home and log on from there, so I wouldn't have to drive in rush hour traffic with the snow/rain/ice, and once I got here and logged on there was a company-wide email sent out saying that everyone was being sent home. Scooore! I'm on my way to light a fire in the fireplace, lay on the couch, look at my pretty Christmas tree, and catch up on some DVR'd shows I never have time to watch. Maybe some wine too... don't judge, I know it's only 1PM, but it's totally appropriate for the circumstances. Who am I kidding, I'd probably still drink if it was sunny and 75 degrees...
I wish it would snow every Friday!
Monday, November 23, 2009
The bitch is back.
So. This one's gonna be another bitter Betty bitching post, so if you're looking for funny I can't help you out. I had a whole post planned out that I was gonna do this week, but then Friday happened.
If you are sick of me whining about the ex, I completely understand and won't be offended if you skip this post and come back later when I'm in a funny mood.
So. Friday. My friend Sarah and I met my brother and his date at my favorite bar. I was happy because I hadn't gotten out in a while, and my cousin had called me that day to see if she could get MP for the weekend. Anyway, we were having a good time, listening to the band and stuff, and then I see exBF's sister walk in. I waved at her and she came over to give me a hug, and I chatted with her for a sec until I realized her brother and a friend of mine were with her. This wasn't weird, as the girl is the person who owned the house I moved out of this summer, and her and exBF's sister live down the street from each other and know each other. I gave her a hug too, and said hello, but she was acting weird. I asked exBF's sister if they were on a date or something, and she said of course not, no way. Cool. Still awkward that he's at this bar, but I can deal with it.
Later we leave and go to another bar and then back to my house to hang out and drink. I mention how weird it was to see Jered (exBF's name, guess he doesn't need to be anonymous anymore. Want his SSN?) at that bar, since he kinda knows that's my turf and I go there a lot. Then my brother says, "Oh yeah, when I saw him a few weeks ago he asked how you were, and told me he was seeing her."
Picture now, my jaw dropping on the floor.
Silence for 10 seconds, then I manage to squeak out, "WHAT???"
He can clearly tell that his size 14 foot is snugly inserted in his mouth and says "Well I just thought you should know!"
Now, I would have lost my shit even if I was sober, but I had been drinking and took about 5 shots after I saw Jered at the bar (to numb the pain), and this was definitely not a good time to tell me. I ran into my bedroom and started bawling, and I know my brother felt like a POS.
Anyway. Next day. I text Jered, first time since we broke up, and ask him if he is seriously dating her. He says he is, for about a week now. Then he called me, but that conversation was pretty much him defending the whore and saying how uncomfortable she was and how it's weird for him to be sleeping in the same house that he used to go see me at. I said, well, at least you know where the bathroom's at so you can wipe your dick off after you bang her in my old bedroom. Juvenile, I know. But I am extremely snarky and rude when I've been crossed.
So there's more. The girl (her name is now Firecrotch Slut, or FS for short) had asked me since the first day I knew her if I had any single guy friends to hook her up with. I saw her two months ago at a bar, and she said how desperate she was to find a boyfriend, and would I go troll the bar with her? I half-jokingly said, "I will, but please just don't ever go after Jered" where she responded, "Oh hell no, we're friends! Girls don't do that to each other, and I don't like him anyway".
FS had a relationship with a married man for a year and a half. I shouldn't be surprised that she will go against girl code and date someone I truly loved, because if a person will sleep with a married man and have no regrets about the morality of that, she'll fuck over a friend as well.
This morning I posted "guess I shouldn't be surprised when a person who I considered a friend is dating my ex... she dated a married man, clearly boundaries don't exist." as my facebook status. (I told you, snarky, mean, catty when I'm pissed. You can throw in juvenile and high-school-malicious too I guess. At least I realize it.) Within ten minutes I get a text from Jered asking me to take down that status update, and to leave her out of this, it's between he and I.
He's got to be ten kinds of crazy to think that I'm taking that status down. I think it's funny. I'm not doing it to get sympathy comments, I'm doing it to be a bitch, plain and simple. I'm thinking about updating it to something like "Jered's apparently uncomfortable with me posting true facts about his new girlfriend, so here's the status change update that he requested". But I'm not gonna. I'm just gonna leave the other one up for now.
I know I've rambled, and there's still more to the story, but it does feel good to get it out and vent a little bit. I'm going to leave you with a picture of her and I when she was my "friend". You may understand my confusion as to why he'd date her after you see what she looks like.
If you are sick of me whining about the ex, I completely understand and won't be offended if you skip this post and come back later when I'm in a funny mood.
So. Friday. My friend Sarah and I met my brother and his date at my favorite bar. I was happy because I hadn't gotten out in a while, and my cousin had called me that day to see if she could get MP for the weekend. Anyway, we were having a good time, listening to the band and stuff, and then I see exBF's sister walk in. I waved at her and she came over to give me a hug, and I chatted with her for a sec until I realized her brother and a friend of mine were with her. This wasn't weird, as the girl is the person who owned the house I moved out of this summer, and her and exBF's sister live down the street from each other and know each other. I gave her a hug too, and said hello, but she was acting weird. I asked exBF's sister if they were on a date or something, and she said of course not, no way. Cool. Still awkward that he's at this bar, but I can deal with it.
Later we leave and go to another bar and then back to my house to hang out and drink. I mention how weird it was to see Jered (exBF's name, guess he doesn't need to be anonymous anymore. Want his SSN?) at that bar, since he kinda knows that's my turf and I go there a lot. Then my brother says, "Oh yeah, when I saw him a few weeks ago he asked how you were, and told me he was seeing her."
Picture now, my jaw dropping on the floor.
Silence for 10 seconds, then I manage to squeak out, "WHAT???"
He can clearly tell that his size 14 foot is snugly inserted in his mouth and says "Well I just thought you should know!"
Now, I would have lost my shit even if I was sober, but I had been drinking and took about 5 shots after I saw Jered at the bar (to numb the pain), and this was definitely not a good time to tell me. I ran into my bedroom and started bawling, and I know my brother felt like a POS.
Anyway. Next day. I text Jered, first time since we broke up, and ask him if he is seriously dating her. He says he is, for about a week now. Then he called me, but that conversation was pretty much him defending the whore and saying how uncomfortable she was and how it's weird for him to be sleeping in the same house that he used to go see me at. I said, well, at least you know where the bathroom's at so you can wipe your dick off after you bang her in my old bedroom. Juvenile, I know. But I am extremely snarky and rude when I've been crossed.
So there's more. The girl (her name is now Firecrotch Slut, or FS for short) had asked me since the first day I knew her if I had any single guy friends to hook her up with. I saw her two months ago at a bar, and she said how desperate she was to find a boyfriend, and would I go troll the bar with her? I half-jokingly said, "I will, but please just don't ever go after Jered" where she responded, "Oh hell no, we're friends! Girls don't do that to each other, and I don't like him anyway".
FS had a relationship with a married man for a year and a half. I shouldn't be surprised that she will go against girl code and date someone I truly loved, because if a person will sleep with a married man and have no regrets about the morality of that, she'll fuck over a friend as well.
This morning I posted "guess I shouldn't be surprised when a person who I considered a friend is dating my ex... she dated a married man, clearly boundaries don't exist." as my facebook status. (I told you, snarky, mean, catty when I'm pissed. You can throw in juvenile and high-school-malicious too I guess. At least I realize it.) Within ten minutes I get a text from Jered asking me to take down that status update, and to leave her out of this, it's between he and I.
He's got to be ten kinds of crazy to think that I'm taking that status down. I think it's funny. I'm not doing it to get sympathy comments, I'm doing it to be a bitch, plain and simple. I'm thinking about updating it to something like "Jered's apparently uncomfortable with me posting true facts about his new girlfriend, so here's the status change update that he requested". But I'm not gonna. I'm just gonna leave the other one up for now.
I know I've rambled, and there's still more to the story, but it does feel good to get it out and vent a little bit. I'm going to leave you with a picture of her and I when she was my "friend". You may understand my confusion as to why he'd date her after you see what she looks like.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I'm sorry....
Been gone a while, and no time to post anything significantly cool today either. I've been hella busy at work with my old boss transferring out and a new one transferring in. It's a lot of work, to put it mildly.
I promise to come back soon. Until then, here's some pictures that made me laugh out loud today...
I am now a fan of the facebook page Not Listening to Nickelback, where I got these. It's awesome.
I promise to come back soon. Until then, here's some pictures that made me laugh out loud today...
I am now a fan of the facebook page Not Listening to Nickelback, where I got these. It's awesome.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Concertgoing, run-in with the ex, and Halloween post all crammed in one!
Last Saturday my brother and I met some friends at Ziegfest, an annual Texas country music festival that's held here in H-town. It starts around 2ish in the afternoon, and there are two stages and about 8-10 bands or so. We got there around 4:30 and staked out some grass (not drug-grass, people... that's not my thing) to post up and listen to some good music. Here's some pictures from the fun day/night:
Here's a shot of a friend and I from the beginning of the day, obviously...
My bro and I, a little later.
Group shot as the sun was going down, the beers were flowing, and the coldness was beginning.
Some of the dead soldiers, as we like to call them. I tried to make a pyramid. The one I made at the end of the night was phenomenal.
Sun's down, my friend is slightly inebriated by this point.
My bro and I again. We smuggled some vodka in, but had no mixers... I went to find some Sprite but the line was a mile long, so I found a sno-cone stand. Nobody was there because it was freezing, so I just got a couple of extra cups and we made strawberry vodka slushies. I'm pretty resourceful. You can see the evidence on my brother's tongue.
We were giggly dancing here.
Rockin' out to Cross Canadian Ragweed. Love them!!
After the concert ended around 11:00 we went to a bar... we walk in, and I immediately spot the ex boyfriend. I couldn't turn around and walk out at that point, so I had to stay and suffer through the misery of being in the same place as him until the bar closed. We just ignored each other, but it was like there was a huge pink furry elephant with neon lights on it in the room the whole time for everyone else that was there. I think I did pretty well by not freaking out or crying or anything, but it still sucks really bad. I wish I could just get over him!
All in all though, it was a really fun day/night. My brother and I are happiest when we're at concerts, so it was nice to get to spend some time with him in our favorite element.
This weekend MP and I are going back to my hometown so I can take her trick or treating with my parents in their neighborhood. I'm still not sure if I'm going to do the whole dressing up and going out thing this year... normally I'll have my costume ready to go weeks in advance, but I'm not feeling so hot on the 'ol body image right now, and am not in the mood to dress like a skank and go to a bar. Who knows though, I may change my mind. Hope you all have a fab (and SAFE!) Halloween weekend!
Here's a shot of a friend and I from the beginning of the day, obviously...
My bro and I, a little later.
Group shot as the sun was going down, the beers were flowing, and the coldness was beginning.
Some of the dead soldiers, as we like to call them. I tried to make a pyramid. The one I made at the end of the night was phenomenal.
Sun's down, my friend is slightly inebriated by this point.
My bro and I again. We smuggled some vodka in, but had no mixers... I went to find some Sprite but the line was a mile long, so I found a sno-cone stand. Nobody was there because it was freezing, so I just got a couple of extra cups and we made strawberry vodka slushies. I'm pretty resourceful. You can see the evidence on my brother's tongue.
We were giggly dancing here.
Rockin' out to Cross Canadian Ragweed. Love them!!
After the concert ended around 11:00 we went to a bar... we walk in, and I immediately spot the ex boyfriend. I couldn't turn around and walk out at that point, so I had to stay and suffer through the misery of being in the same place as him until the bar closed. We just ignored each other, but it was like there was a huge pink furry elephant with neon lights on it in the room the whole time for everyone else that was there. I think I did pretty well by not freaking out or crying or anything, but it still sucks really bad. I wish I could just get over him!
All in all though, it was a really fun day/night. My brother and I are happiest when we're at concerts, so it was nice to get to spend some time with him in our favorite element.
This weekend MP and I are going back to my hometown so I can take her trick or treating with my parents in their neighborhood. I'm still not sure if I'm going to do the whole dressing up and going out thing this year... normally I'll have my costume ready to go weeks in advance, but I'm not feeling so hot on the 'ol body image right now, and am not in the mood to dress like a skank and go to a bar. Who knows though, I may change my mind. Hope you all have a fab (and SAFE!) Halloween weekend!
Friday, October 23, 2009
I got tagged twice. Hee hee.
So, in the past couple of days I've been tagged on a couple of blogs. It must mean I'm awesome. Ok, well, that's how I'm taking it anyway. Most people would do these seperately, but I'm a busy gal so I'm combining them. I'm all about shortcuts.
First up: Kelly nominated me as a Kreativ Blogger, and I'm super honored (I love her blog, and finally committed as a follower recently, after stalking her blog for a few months). Although the misspelling of 'creative' in this award does bug me quite a bit, as I am pretty much a stickler for correct grammar. I hate those people on facebook who can't spell and are in graduate school, or those who STILL don't get the difference between THERE, THEY'RE, and THIER, and YOUR and YOU'RE. And people who spell refrigerator with a "d" between the I and G. I'm always the asshole who writes a comment correcting them, like I'm their high school English teacher.
Oh, right... Kreativ Blogger award. Sorry.
What I'm supposed to do is write 7-10 facts about me then pass the “Kreativ Blogger’ award on to other favorite bloggers of mine. I've done one similar to this before, but I'll try to think of some other stuff. I'm not THAT interesting, yo. Here goes:
1. I'm a grammar nazi. You probably have already figured that out by the ramblings in the beginning of this post. No further explanation should be necessary.
2. I was on an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos before. In high school drill team before halftime, we'd go to the side of the football field and stretch before performing. I would always get my friend to hook my shoelace above my head to the fence above me (my back was against the fence), and that way I could keep my leg stretched for a while. I flexed my foot and my shoelace broke, making my leg snap down and smack my friend in the face... all while my mom was filming. She sent in the tape, and they actually put it on air. We didn't win any money though. :(
3. I have a MASSIVE crush on Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block. I've been in love with him since I was 9. That's twenty years, folks. I literally almost started crying both times in the past year when I saw NKOTB in concert when he came on stage. We also share a birthday, so I really feel this is the universe's way of telling me we're meant to be together.
4. I have an abnormal memory for dates and events that have happened in the past. Sassy always asks me when something happened because I can always remember the date. The latest one was when her last period was and I replied, "Well, it was the week before your hubby's birthday party, which fell on September 26th, so I would say you started around September 20th or so." Which helped her determine exactly how far along in her pregnancy she is. Ask me any date of a weekend night in the past year or so, and I can figure out where I was and who I was with. It's kinda weird, and not a notably cool thing, but I'm running out of interesting facts, people.
5. I'm on Facebook about 5 of the 8 hours I'm at work. I have a major obsession. I need an intervention, for real.
6. I'm really scared that I'm screwing my kid up by not having a "normal" family life for her. She seems well adjusted and all, but I can just see us in 10 years in a psychologist's office and all her problems stemming from living with her single mom for the majority of her life. Maybe I'm just paranoid, I dunno.
7. Even though I put this on my previous list, I'm listing it again because I'm running out of facts and I feel VERY STRONGLY about it: I HATE MAYONNAISE. Hate, hate, hate it, as much as I hate pedophiles and murderers. MP actually LIKES the shit, I have to make her sandwiches with it, and I gag the whole time. I love my kid so much that I'll put the substance I despise most in the world within a foot of my nose just to please her. That's devotion.
8. I'm a total band groupie. Not the kind that sleeps with them though. I'm a huge fan of Charlie Robison (if you don't know him, he's a great Texas Country musician, and used to be married to Emily of the Dixie Chicks). You probably don't know who he is if you don't live in the south. Anyway, I've been on his bus a few times, and the last time just he and I hung out in the back, drinking Jaeger and smoking cigs, and talking for hours. He was awesome (and super HOT). I've also met Pat Green, Cross Canadian Ragweed, and gotten backstage at several other concerts. Even if it's a local band playing in my favorite bar, I manage to go over there and make friends with someone in the band before the night's over. It's an addiction.
Alright, I told you I'm not that interesting. I can't think of much else... so on to the next one...
Sassy tagged me as an Over the Top blogger - thanks, dude! Here are the rules for the Over The Top Award:
USE ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit yourself and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers so try your best.
Tag 6 other bloggers and let them know that you think they are 'Over the Top'!
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk.
2.Your hair? Ponytail.
3. Your mother? Talkative.
4. Your father? Generous.
5. Your favorite food? Cajun.
6. Your dream last night? Sad.
7. Your favorite drink? Whiskey.
8. Your dream/goal? Happiness.
9. What room are you in? Office.
10. Your hobby? Cooking.
11. Your fear? Hurt.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy.
13. Where were you last night? Home.
14. Something that you aren’t? Rich.
15. Muffins? Blueberry.
16. Wish list item? Lasik.
17. Where did you grow up? Orange.
18. Last thing you did? Procrastinated.
19. What are you wearing? Sweater.
20. Your TV? Average.
21. Your pets? Nonexistent.
22. Friends? Loved.
23. Your life? Stressful.
24. Your mood? Complacent.
25. Missing someone? Jered.
26. Vehicle? SUV.
27. Something you’re not wearing? Watch.
28. Your favorite store? Forever21.
29. Your favorite color? Pink.
30. When was the last time you laughed? Earlier.
31. Last time you cried? Today.
32. Your best friend? Amber.
33. One place that I go to over and over? Work.
34. One person who emails me regularly? Kristin.
35. Favorite place to eat? Outback.
Sooo here are the people I'm tagging. You can do one, both, or neither. I won't be offended.
1. Kayleigh at http://somepeopledoartsandcraftswejudge.blogspot.com/
2. Megan at http://meganmcdaniel.blogspot.com/
3. Crystal at http://sexylovepits.blogspot.com/
4. Sassy (do the first one, since you tagged me for the second one) :)
5. Courtney at http://whiskeygirl9.blogspot.com/
6. Spot at http://whatpassesforsaneonacrazyday.blogspot.com/
7. Calico at http://calicobebop.blogspot.com/
Sorry if I missed anybody... I gotta get back to work!
First up: Kelly nominated me as a Kreativ Blogger, and I'm super honored (I love her blog, and finally committed as a follower recently, after stalking her blog for a few months). Although the misspelling of 'creative' in this award does bug me quite a bit, as I am pretty much a stickler for correct grammar. I hate those people on facebook who can't spell and are in graduate school, or those who STILL don't get the difference between THERE, THEY'RE, and THIER, and YOUR and YOU'RE. And people who spell refrigerator with a "d" between the I and G. I'm always the asshole who writes a comment correcting them, like I'm their high school English teacher.
Oh, right... Kreativ Blogger award. Sorry.
What I'm supposed to do is write 7-10 facts about me then pass the “Kreativ Blogger’ award on to other favorite bloggers of mine. I've done one similar to this before, but I'll try to think of some other stuff. I'm not THAT interesting, yo. Here goes:
1. I'm a grammar nazi. You probably have already figured that out by the ramblings in the beginning of this post. No further explanation should be necessary.
2. I was on an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos before. In high school drill team before halftime, we'd go to the side of the football field and stretch before performing. I would always get my friend to hook my shoelace above my head to the fence above me (my back was against the fence), and that way I could keep my leg stretched for a while. I flexed my foot and my shoelace broke, making my leg snap down and smack my friend in the face... all while my mom was filming. She sent in the tape, and they actually put it on air. We didn't win any money though. :(
3. I have a MASSIVE crush on Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block. I've been in love with him since I was 9. That's twenty years, folks. I literally almost started crying both times in the past year when I saw NKOTB in concert when he came on stage. We also share a birthday, so I really feel this is the universe's way of telling me we're meant to be together.
4. I have an abnormal memory for dates and events that have happened in the past. Sassy always asks me when something happened because I can always remember the date. The latest one was when her last period was and I replied, "Well, it was the week before your hubby's birthday party, which fell on September 26th, so I would say you started around September 20th or so." Which helped her determine exactly how far along in her pregnancy she is. Ask me any date of a weekend night in the past year or so, and I can figure out where I was and who I was with. It's kinda weird, and not a notably cool thing, but I'm running out of interesting facts, people.
5. I'm on Facebook about 5 of the 8 hours I'm at work. I have a major obsession. I need an intervention, for real.
6. I'm really scared that I'm screwing my kid up by not having a "normal" family life for her. She seems well adjusted and all, but I can just see us in 10 years in a psychologist's office and all her problems stemming from living with her single mom for the majority of her life. Maybe I'm just paranoid, I dunno.
7. Even though I put this on my previous list, I'm listing it again because I'm running out of facts and I feel VERY STRONGLY about it: I HATE MAYONNAISE. Hate, hate, hate it, as much as I hate pedophiles and murderers. MP actually LIKES the shit, I have to make her sandwiches with it, and I gag the whole time. I love my kid so much that I'll put the substance I despise most in the world within a foot of my nose just to please her. That's devotion.
8. I'm a total band groupie. Not the kind that sleeps with them though. I'm a huge fan of Charlie Robison (if you don't know him, he's a great Texas Country musician, and used to be married to Emily of the Dixie Chicks). You probably don't know who he is if you don't live in the south. Anyway, I've been on his bus a few times, and the last time just he and I hung out in the back, drinking Jaeger and smoking cigs, and talking for hours. He was awesome (and super HOT). I've also met Pat Green, Cross Canadian Ragweed, and gotten backstage at several other concerts. Even if it's a local band playing in my favorite bar, I manage to go over there and make friends with someone in the band before the night's over. It's an addiction.
Alright, I told you I'm not that interesting. I can't think of much else... so on to the next one...
Sassy tagged me as an Over the Top blogger - thanks, dude! Here are the rules for the Over The Top Award:
USE ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit yourself and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers so try your best.
Tag 6 other bloggers and let them know that you think they are 'Over the Top'!
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk.
2.Your hair? Ponytail.
3. Your mother? Talkative.
4. Your father? Generous.
5. Your favorite food? Cajun.
6. Your dream last night? Sad.
7. Your favorite drink? Whiskey.
8. Your dream/goal? Happiness.
9. What room are you in? Office.
10. Your hobby? Cooking.
11. Your fear? Hurt.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy.
13. Where were you last night? Home.
14. Something that you aren’t? Rich.
15. Muffins? Blueberry.
16. Wish list item? Lasik.
17. Where did you grow up? Orange.
18. Last thing you did? Procrastinated.
19. What are you wearing? Sweater.
20. Your TV? Average.
21. Your pets? Nonexistent.
22. Friends? Loved.
23. Your life? Stressful.
24. Your mood? Complacent.
25. Missing someone? Jered.
26. Vehicle? SUV.
27. Something you’re not wearing? Watch.
28. Your favorite store? Forever21.
29. Your favorite color? Pink.
30. When was the last time you laughed? Earlier.
31. Last time you cried? Today.
32. Your best friend? Amber.
33. One place that I go to over and over? Work.
34. One person who emails me regularly? Kristin.
35. Favorite place to eat? Outback.
Sooo here are the people I'm tagging. You can do one, both, or neither. I won't be offended.
1. Kayleigh at http://somepeopledoartsandcraftswejudge.blogspot.com/
2. Megan at http://meganmcdaniel.blogspot.com/
3. Crystal at http://sexylovepits.blogspot.com/
4. Sassy (do the first one, since you tagged me for the second one) :)
5. Courtney at http://whiskeygirl9.blogspot.com/
6. Spot at http://whatpassesforsaneonacrazyday.blogspot.com/
7. Calico at http://calicobebop.blogspot.com/
Sorry if I missed anybody... I gotta get back to work!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Dear little prankster at the cajun restaurant I lunched at:
I know you thought it would be HILARIOUS to not screw down the ketchup bottle after you used it. You probably also thought that the person sitting at the table after you would check the aforementioned bottle before shaking it. What you didn't anticipate was the level of starvation I was at. Being that hungry for the steaming french fries and crab cakes that was in front of me made me not even think to check to see if the cap was screwed on tightly. Well, little bastard, that's exactly what happened. As I shook the bottle from side to side, the cap flew off and hit the window as the red fluid shot all over me, the table, the window, and into my purse. You also made my newly pregnant friend laugh so hard that I was worried for her health. So, thank you, little pranking bastard. I now reek of tomato, have stains all over the front of my shirt, stickiness in my hair (that I had to pull in a ponytail when I was actually having a decent hair day), and I'm scared to reach into my purse, because I keep finding cold wet puddles of gooey tomato paste in it. It's also way fun when someone walks in your office and asks what's on your pants, when you thought you got all the spots taken care of.
I'm going to be cleaning up this mess for days. FML.
I'm going to be cleaning up this mess for days. FML.
Friday, October 16, 2009
I suck as a blogger.
But I do try to read everyone else's blogs that DO manage to post. I've had a super busy week, so that's my excuse.
Yesterday I had the longest day ever, had dental appointments for me and MP, took her back to school, ran to the bakery to get a cake for our monthly birthday celebration at work, went to work, had two meetings and an assload of work, left and went to the bank, mall, and parent teacher conference, came home and did dinner, MP's bath, homework, and two loads of laundry, cleaned my kitchen and living room, then got to watch one DVR'd show (Cougar Town... anyone watch that??? It's SOO FUNNY!), then passed out by 9. That's just one day out of this week, and most of the other days have been equally busy.. so you can not be mad at me now for not posting. :)
I have a story for yall but no time to post it in it's longevity... it includes a trip to Austin, me getting stranded and sleeping in my car, and a 7AM roadtrip jamming New Kids on the Block. I'll give you that as a teaser, and hopefully get the post up in the next week.
This weekend my parents are getting MP so I get a much needed break... I'm pretty stoked. Going to see a band with a friend tonight, then girl's night out tomorrow with Sassy and a couple other girlfriends. I'm sure there will be some interesting goings on, so you'll have some stories to look forward to. Until then...
Yesterday I had the longest day ever, had dental appointments for me and MP, took her back to school, ran to the bakery to get a cake for our monthly birthday celebration at work, went to work, had two meetings and an assload of work, left and went to the bank, mall, and parent teacher conference, came home and did dinner, MP's bath, homework, and two loads of laundry, cleaned my kitchen and living room, then got to watch one DVR'd show (Cougar Town... anyone watch that??? It's SOO FUNNY!), then passed out by 9. That's just one day out of this week, and most of the other days have been equally busy.. so you can not be mad at me now for not posting. :)
I have a story for yall but no time to post it in it's longevity... it includes a trip to Austin, me getting stranded and sleeping in my car, and a 7AM roadtrip jamming New Kids on the Block. I'll give you that as a teaser, and hopefully get the post up in the next week.
This weekend my parents are getting MP so I get a much needed break... I'm pretty stoked. Going to see a band with a friend tonight, then girl's night out tomorrow with Sassy and a couple other girlfriends. I'm sure there will be some interesting goings on, so you'll have some stories to look forward to. Until then...
Monday, October 5, 2009
I hung out in the backseat of a Cutlass when I was 9, didn't you??
I have quite a bit of blog fodder for you guys, but it's waaay too much for just one post. I've had an eventful few weeks (not all of it great, but most of it entertaining). So lucky for you guys, you'll be getting some new posts in the next few days if I can get my motivation up. (That's what HE said).
So, Crystal... this one's for you darlin'.
Two weekends ago Sassypants' husband had a birfday. We planned a party for that Saturday afternoon, when UT had a game (hook 'em Horns!!) and we figured we'd grill fajitas and have some drinks and watch some good college football all day with good friends. I went to Sassy's house that morning, and we went to the grocery store to get all the food and beer and stuff while her hubs and his friend assembled the new patio furniture they just got. Sassy and I got busy in the kitchen when we got back from the store (get your mind out of the gutter, dirty peeps), and made a great spread of appetizers - from her bomb diggity pasta salad with spinach, tomatoes, and feta, and my stuffed potato skins, plus lots of chips and dips.
After we finished slaving in the kitchen we went outside to enjoy the new furniture and drink some cold beers. We had invited a bunch of friends, but one of the first to show up was our bloggy friend Crystal. Now, if you haven't read her blog (yeah I linked her twice, what?), go NOW. I won't be offended, you can come back to me later. This bitch is hilarious. She's even better in person. She sits down with us and joins right on in with the gossiping and joking around. She mentions she has a low tolerance and is a cheap drunk, but we didn't really pay attention until an hour later when she was DEEE-RUUUNK. With every sip of Shiner Blonde beer this trick drinks, she gets funnier and funnier. Sassy and I knew she was crazy, but the other guests at the party realized quickly that outside on the patio was the place to be, just to hear the shit that came out of her mouth. I'll give you a taste of her verbal stylings:
- While talking about a charity (why we were discussing that I have no idea), she slurs her words and ends up saying Ronald Donald McHouse instead of Ronald McDonald House.
- When talking about options for saving money, she pipes up that her fiance' is going to have to deal with her stubbly bush because she's not getting her snatch waxed until the wedding. Her words VERBATIM.
- When a date of one of the guys that was at the party mentioned that she was born in 1989, Crystal scowls at the youngness of this little whippersnapper and bellows, "I was getting finger banged in the back of a Cutlass in 1989!".
- As we were trying to finish up everything for the fajitas inside the house, Crystal was playing Mr. Potato Head with Sassypants' son, who is four. I'm not completely sure of the wording because I was drunk by then, but I think she asked him if he thought it was weird that Mr. Potato Head keeps all his stuff in his butt. And now he asks everyone if they keep their stuff in their butt. Sassy thanks you, Crystal. And so do the other moms at his daycare.
We soon ended up in the garage playing flip cup, which isn't a great game to play if you're already three sheets to the wind. Crystal and I went head to head for a couple of rounds, and I don't remember who won, but there was a lot of shit talking and beer dripping on her boobs, which caused lactation jokes. Oh, and I did find out that her tits are REAL, which is amazing because they're pretty much perfect and Sassypants and I were convinced she'd had them done. We almost got her to show us, but I guess even drunk she has limits.
All in all, it was a great day/night, and I think we'll all agree it just wouldn't have been the same without her there. So. My message to Crystal: get your tolerance up for your bachelorette party, hooker, because Sassypants and I are GOING. And we'll be bringing the tape recorder this time.
So, Crystal... this one's for you darlin'.
Two weekends ago Sassypants' husband had a birfday. We planned a party for that Saturday afternoon, when UT had a game (hook 'em Horns!!) and we figured we'd grill fajitas and have some drinks and watch some good college football all day with good friends. I went to Sassy's house that morning, and we went to the grocery store to get all the food and beer and stuff while her hubs and his friend assembled the new patio furniture they just got. Sassy and I got busy in the kitchen when we got back from the store (get your mind out of the gutter, dirty peeps), and made a great spread of appetizers - from her bomb diggity pasta salad with spinach, tomatoes, and feta, and my stuffed potato skins, plus lots of chips and dips.
After we finished slaving in the kitchen we went outside to enjoy the new furniture and drink some cold beers. We had invited a bunch of friends, but one of the first to show up was our bloggy friend Crystal. Now, if you haven't read her blog (yeah I linked her twice, what?), go NOW. I won't be offended, you can come back to me later. This bitch is hilarious. She's even better in person. She sits down with us and joins right on in with the gossiping and joking around. She mentions she has a low tolerance and is a cheap drunk, but we didn't really pay attention until an hour later when she was DEEE-RUUUNK. With every sip of Shiner Blonde beer this trick drinks, she gets funnier and funnier. Sassy and I knew she was crazy, but the other guests at the party realized quickly that outside on the patio was the place to be, just to hear the shit that came out of her mouth. I'll give you a taste of her verbal stylings:
- While talking about a charity (why we were discussing that I have no idea), she slurs her words and ends up saying Ronald Donald McHouse instead of Ronald McDonald House.
- When talking about options for saving money, she pipes up that her fiance' is going to have to deal with her stubbly bush because she's not getting her snatch waxed until the wedding. Her words VERBATIM.
- When a date of one of the guys that was at the party mentioned that she was born in 1989, Crystal scowls at the youngness of this little whippersnapper and bellows, "I was getting finger banged in the back of a Cutlass in 1989!".
- As we were trying to finish up everything for the fajitas inside the house, Crystal was playing Mr. Potato Head with Sassypants' son, who is four. I'm not completely sure of the wording because I was drunk by then, but I think she asked him if he thought it was weird that Mr. Potato Head keeps all his stuff in his butt. And now he asks everyone if they keep their stuff in their butt. Sassy thanks you, Crystal. And so do the other moms at his daycare.
We soon ended up in the garage playing flip cup, which isn't a great game to play if you're already three sheets to the wind. Crystal and I went head to head for a couple of rounds, and I don't remember who won, but there was a lot of shit talking and beer dripping on her boobs, which caused lactation jokes. Oh, and I did find out that her tits are REAL, which is amazing because they're pretty much perfect and Sassypants and I were convinced she'd had them done. We almost got her to show us, but I guess even drunk she has limits.
All in all, it was a great day/night, and I think we'll all agree it just wouldn't have been the same without her there. So. My message to Crystal: get your tolerance up for your bachelorette party, hooker, because Sassypants and I are GOING. And we'll be bringing the tape recorder this time.
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