Monday, January 5, 2009

Yeah, two in one day... what?

Ok here's another one... TM tagged me, so I have to do it. She's scary if I don't do what she says. And she just quit smoking for New Year's, so she's extra scary right about now. I shall oblige.

Apparently I have to list ten things about myself that nobody knows, and be honest or something along those lines. I'm too lazy to go back and read all the rules. I think that's the gist. Here goes:

1. I hate mayonnaise. Hate, hate, hate, like can't even see it or I'll throw up immediately hate it. Honestly, the mention of it makes me get the gurgly stomach. TM loves the shit, and actually DIPS HER FUCKING FRENCH FRIES IN IT. I think she does it mainly to see how green I'll get. Blech. I really cannot even think about it anymore, I'm getting nauseous.

2. I cannot take the sound of cardboard scraping against cardboard. I freak the eff out whenever I hear it, and get chills all over the back of my neck, and make this circus freak clicking noise with my tounge and the back of my bottom lip that is a total reflex I cannot control. I also cannot explain the noise, that was the best I could do. Moving's quite an issue, obviously, because the sound of cardboard scraping against itself is inevitable.

3. I really like rap. Like, old school Master P and Snoop and Dre and Pac and Biggie and Ice Cube and Ice T and Run DMC, all of it... and I know most of the words to a lot of obscure songs that you probably haven't heard of. Pour one out for Pimp C, homies.

4. I am mildly obsessive compulsive about certain things. My house can be messy at times, but the crap has an organization to it. I cannot STAND when any of my food touches on my dinner plate (TM says she's buying me and her husband those divided kiddie plates, because he has the same phobia). I get abnormally upset when my order is wrong from a food place, and have burst into tears because of one tiny thing incorrect with my order. Normally the mistake is that they put mayo on my burger... but you will see lots more than tears on that one, friend. Like I'll go back through the drive through and throw it at the idiot who couldn't take the order correctly. Yes, I've done it.

5. I'm crazy flexible, like, all over. I can pull my thumb back to touch the top of my wrist, my legs can go behind my head, I can do backbends and splits still, all that stuff. BF loves it, obviously. It also helps when I'm breaking and entering and need to fit in small spaces. Kidding.

6. I've been friends with TM for going on 24 years. That's super crazy, right!? It gets weirder. We have the same first name. We work for the same company, in the same group, at the same location, two floors apart (and this is a HUGE oil and gas company, so it's not like we're insurance agents in an office of 4 people). We live way close to each other. It's like we share a life almost, except she's got huge knockers and a great ass.

Damn, these are hard. I'm not that interesting.

7. I got a tattoo drunkenly and it looks like crap. I requested a pink star on my foot the size of a dime or so, and got one the size of a silver dollar on my ankle. It looks similar the Houston Astros logo (definitely NOT what I was going for), so now I jokingly call it my Go 'Stros tat. It's grown on me a bit, but I wouldn't be mad if it wasn't there anymore.

8. I absolutely hate Nickleback and Rob Thomas (with or without Matchbox 20). I don't know what it is, but every time I hear something by either one of them, I'd rather have sex with Mini-Me than have to keep the song on. And Mini-Me is the most disgusting creature on the planet. Next to Chad Kroeger's voice. (Sorry if anyone reading this is a big Nickleback or RT fan... You probably don't like rap, so you can hate me about that.)

9. I can seriously watch Food Network 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm not kidding. I actually didn't change the channel all day Saturday when I was vegging out from the time I woke up until the time I left for dinner at 6. I would totally marry Bobby Flay or Tyler Florence, and I wish that Paula Dean was my aunt and Rachael Ray was my cousin or something (she doesn't annoy me like she does most of America). I troll the internet looking for gossip on my favorite FN stars. I'm weird.

10. I fractured my ankle jumping over a fence around a parking lot at a bar (on the way in). I was also wearing a skirt. I also still hobbled up the stairs after the incident to drink the pain away. Turns out, I needed, like, serious surgery. I guess I thought I just sprained it. Anyhoo, I have deemed this "the weak ankle". To this day, when the weather changes, I feel it in the weak ankle. The weak ankle also causes me to fall down. A lot. Sober. So, I guess I got what I deserved by being lazy and not walking around to the entrance.

Since I have like three followers and they've all been tagged already, I'm tagging no one. :)


Sassy Pants said...

Dude. You fall down so much that we don't even really notice anymore whether you're vertical or horizontal.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

omg, where do i start?! this whole thing was a fucking hilarious read FROM BEGINNING TO END.

i like mayo, so i can't relate there. but i also like rap AND i like nickelback. SO THERE! heh. seriously, I LOVE OLD SKOOL RAP. people don't understand how i can love a band like rush, and still admit to the fact that my BFF and i choreographed a dance to Tricky by Run DMC when we were in middle school...

also? i have an entirely regrettable tattoo that i don't even like talking about. but it's located in a place that no one can see... unless i'm nekkid.

Crystal said...

one time, in high school, my friends and i made a video to L'Trimm's Cars that go Boom and also Gimmie dat Nut by Easy E. we were a nice, wholesome group of 14 year olds. i still remember the choreography.

in college, my roommate and i made up a dance to lil troy's baller shot caller song.

next time i see you, we are going to have to make up a dance. i rock the pac, man. i fucking. rock. the. pac.

Amber D. said...

SPM - Yeah, I know... thanks for always helping me up when I fall. Or at least after you stop laughing. Did you ever notice your initials are the same as South Park Mexican's? Just sayin'.

MoFM - You seem so cool... I can't believe you like Nickelback! Just kiddin. And you betta believe I have It's Tricky on my iPod... it always reminds me of the scene from Road Trip, and I must do the dance every time I hear it!

Crystal - Gimme Dat Nut. Classic. That's on my iPod too. My ex used to sing it to me... so romantic. I'm so in for some choreography to some Pac. Hows about Picture Me Rollin' or 2 of Americaz Most Wanted??