Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What does the barber say? Neeeeext!

Below is the story of the dude I was seeing. I'm hella busy at work, but feel like a total asshole because I never post anymore. So here goes...

I've known Chris since junior high, never really hung out with him because he's two years older, but he was always at high school parties and whatnot so our paths crossed often. Later, I'd see him occasionally at bars, but he was dating this girl I knew and they had a crazy psychotic relationship that everyone made fun of (kinda like this-isn't-working-but-if-I-can't-have-you-nobody-will-and-I'll-burn-your-fucking-house-down kind of thing). I'd heard all kinds of stuff that she was straight-jacket-crazy, but we have a bunch of mutual friends so I'd see her out a lot, and she never seemed like that to me. Little did I know.

Over the Christmas holidays, I ended up going over to Chris's house a few times with my brother, who is good friends with Chris's roommate. We got to talking one night, and Chris mentioned he had tickets to go see Lil Wayne (don't judge, you know you'd go too) and said he couldn't find anyone to go with him, would I wanna go? I said hell yeah and gave him my number, and that was the beginning. He texted me that night, and every single day after that until the end. Didn't end up getting to go to the concert because I had to be back in Houston and didn't want to drive back to my hometown in the middle of the week for just one night, but it was ok. After New Year's, I went back home and Chris invited me over to hang out and watch the Cowboys game (I love the Cowboys!). That was the beginning. Long story short, we ended up seeing each other every weekend for two months.

During this time, I knew his psycho ex would freak out if she found out we were seeing each other, so I asked him to keep it quiet for the sake of my car tires and for his testicles. She'd have cut them both if she found out. I was thinking there was no need for her to know since it wasn't anything serious.

**Before you go thinking I broke girl code and refer back to what happened to me a few months ago, I'll clarify that me and his ex weren't friends, didn't hang out, anything like that, so I didn't feel I was crossing a line. I honestly thought long and hard (hee hee) about it, and after talking to several friends, we all came to the conclusion that I was NOT breaking girl code. Just to be clear. :) Anyway, back to the story**

So, after over a month or so of talking every day and seeing each other every weekend, and him getting a little jealous of guys hitting on me while we're out, I decide to have the talk about where this is going. I also decide that we haven't been really discreet about this, so since there are so many mutual friends, crazy ex is bound to find out, and I think she should hear it from him instead of through the gossip mill. I should probably mention that the crazy ex called him all the time, and one time when I posted what bar I was at on facebook, she commented and said, "Chris is there playing pool" and immediately started blowing his phone up asking who was all in the bar. I obviously went there with him, but said, "oh yeah I just saw him... small world". This made me start thinking... she knew he was there, so he must be actually talking to her, instead of ignoring her calls like he told me he was doing. Hmmm.

Few weeks later, Chris is supposed to come to Houston to stay with me for the weekend. Monday night of that week, he called me and said, "Hey, crazy ex found out about you and I seeing each other, if she calls you don't answer". Which she did about 5 minutes later. Now, my thoughts were, it's not my place to get involved in whatever drama they have. Below is the text conversation we had after I didn't answer her call:

Crazy Ex (CE): "I am not trying to be the crazy ex [she even said it!!] but I know you have been talking to Chris. I am hurt. I know you have to be aware of how close Chris and I and how much we love each other. I just want to talk to you about this."

Me: "I'm sorry if you're hurt. Don't know how you heard but wanted it to be from him and not from anyone else. I don't see why we'd need to talk about this though."

CE: "Oh I have been talking to him about this and will more in a bit. I stay with him at least once a month. I was there all last week. [Funny, because I stayed with him that weekend. Another example of her delusions.] I could forward you tons of text messages from today on how much he loves me and misses me and that he wants to marry me still."

Me: "See, this is what I didn't want... drama. I'm going to let you guys hash it out, I really don't want to be involved. I could tell you what he says to me but that's not my place and it's none of your business."

So I let Chris know what's going on and went to bed, sick of dealing with all this. At 2:30 AM I get a text from her that says:

"Sorry so late. Chris and I are okay. We're going to give it another shot. We really do love each other a lot. I asked him if this would upset you but he said no that you were just friends and nothing more".


The next morning, he called as usual, and I said, so I guess we're done here, right, you're back with crazy ex? And he said, "WTF are you talking about, no way... she called me last night saying she was going to kill herself, shaking a bottle of pills into the phone so I could hear them, and saying I need to call 911. I haven't talked to her since." As we were talking, I checked my facebook and the girl updated her relationship status to "In a Relationship" and said, FINALLY BACK WITH CHRIS! in her updates. I started laughing and told him, and he flipped out. Within two minutes both of the updates were deleted.

Friday comes, and Chris is supposed to come to Houston after work. As we're talking that day, I've got this weird feeling, and I tell him that I'd bet anything she's going to be at his house when he gets off work that day. I just know how crazy she is. I should have mentioned before, she lives in Austin, which is a 5 hour drive from where he lives. But I know how this girl works, and I told him I'd be willing to bet a very large sum of money that she'd be at his house that afternoon. He told me I was absolutely nuts, and there was no way. That evening, around 5 (when he gets off work), I checked facebook and on crazy ex's updates it says "Good 'ol Paulwood!" Paulwood's the name of his subdivision.

I flipped out and texted him, and said, "Have fun with crazy ex. I'm done." He responded that yes, she had been there, but he made her leave. I told him if he didn't make it to my house that evening and put forth some effort, I was done.

He didn't drive to Houston.

Now they're back together.

I'm such an idiot, every word out of his mouth must have been a lie the whole time we were seeing each other, and I was so dumb I believed him. All I can assume is that he expected me to never find out he still talked to her so much, and never expected me to get some balls and end things.

Like a game of football, I got PLAYED, dude.

Oh well... like Jay Z says, on to the next one.

1 comment:

Jules said...

Oooh, I could guess like a million chicks on this one, BUT I'm going to do the classy thing and one-up you. I seriously OWN the title of fool...

I dated a guy for 4 months... We really didn't spend any time apart... he stayed at my house more than his own. Everything was absolutely butterflies, ribbons and cute little puppies... until his wife called me. WTF?

Apparently, she lived on the West Coast, and had stayed behind to finish the semester at school. Even worse? (Oh yes, ma'am, it gets worse.) He told her he had met someone else, filed for divorce and actually thought I wouldn't find out.

How do these people sleep at night? The end result is that he is alone and I'm friends with his ex-wife.

Love the "for the sake of my tires and your testicles..." STELLAR. Now email me and tell me the crazy's name...