Friday, December 25, 2009


But not enough time. Here's the bullet points...

**Mom got effed up on Christmas Eve. Shocker.

**I spent Christmas Eve in a BYOB bar. Pictures will be included.

**Snuggie action.

**Waffle House.

**Drunken Santa present giving involving Twister and a broken lamp.

**White Elephant gift exchange almost coming to blows.

**Whiskey, beer, and karaoke.

**Drunk uncle who never drinks slurring words awesomely.

**Family arguing abundantly.

**Cheese dip ruining my expensive peacoat.

I'll leave you with that to think about until I have the time to actually write the post. You'll need to tune in for that one. :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Overflowing with frickin' Christmas cheer. Or not.

I know I'm not the only one stressed out around the holidays. It's a given that EVERYONE'S stress level spikes around this time. That's why it's so hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit and enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, etc., because I've constantly got a knot in my stomach about money, gifts, travel, etc. I've actually done better this year though, I got my Christmas tree the Monday after Thanksgiving (more to come on that), and taken MP to look at lights, and watched all the claymation Christmas specials, etc. like a good mommy should. Since I haven't posted stories in a while, I figured today would be a good day to do that (since I'm at work, nobody's here, and I have less to do than I normally do). Here goes.

I went to get my Christmas tree early this year, since I like having it in my house for the whole month of December. I always get a real tree... I know it's more work than an artificial one, but I love the way my house smells. It just smells like Christmas. Anyway, I went to a garden center here in Houston, and was worried bc I've never had to do the whole tree thing alone before, and I was wondering how I was going to manage getting the tree on/in my car (I drive a SUV), and in my house. I asked the guy at the center if he could help put it on my car, and of course he didn't speak English. Ask three more people, and none of them speak English either. NOBODY in the damn place spoke English. I literally threw my hands up in the air and stomped out of the place, I was so pissed. THIS IS AMERICA. Have someone in your store that can speak the native language, mmkay!? So I go to Kroger, and they have trees there! I was so excited. I know everyone speaks English there. I get a little guy to help me get the 7' tree to my car, and on the way out of the store, I slip and fall right on my ass. I was only on the ground for a millisecond because I jumped right back up, but MP yelled, "MOMMY ARE YOU OKAY! YOU JUST FELL!!", drawing attention to me. There was a lady coming out of the store behind me and she had this look on her face... I looked at her and said, "It's okay, you can laugh. If I walked out of a store behind you and you fell, I'd totally laugh after I knew you were okay". So she did. I would have done the same. Anyway, we get the tree IN my car (yeah that was fun), and I get home and realize I have absolutely nobody to help me do this. So I roll my sleeves up, change shoes, and proceed to drag this enormous tree up my walkway and into my house. A half hour later, I had it in the stand (somewhat) securely, and ready for MP and I to decorate. It may or may not be leaning towards the wall a bit, but hey, I did it all by myself.

MP's class holiday party was last week. The room mom was going to be out of town, so she emailed me and asked if I could handle coordinating the day of stuff, and I hesitantly said I would. Now, here's my deal. I am a single mom that works full time. There are plenty of moms in the class that don't work that she could have asked. I don't mind helping out at all, but my idea of helping out is bringing a couple bags of chips and showing up in time to help my kiddo decorate her ornament. Instead, since I felt bad saying no, I took the day off work so I could make sure to be at the school early and prepared, and I could also try to knock out my shopping in the morning. When I get to the classroom, two other moms are there and bitching about what a crappy room mom the other lady is, and how everything is stupid, and how they could have done a much better job. WTF. I hate people like this. (Sidenote - I know I'm Negative Nancy a lot, but the way these women were bitching, you'd think the children's Christmas craft was making Nazi swastikas out of cotton balls or something. They were just bitching to bitch.) I shut my mouth and worked on getting the ornament stuff sorted out and organized, all while they're bitching and moaning about the room mom who's not there to defend herself. They also don't bother talking to me. Now, I know some of my blog friends are stay at home moms, but from what I gather, you are not THIS TYPE of SAHM. These bitches wear Juicy Couture track suits, have perfectly manicured nails, fresh highlights with perfectly cut hair, and spend all day shopping with their husband's money. Ok, fine. But the worst part is these ladies look down on me like I'm trash because I'm a single mom, work full time, send my daughter to school with messy hair and unmatched socks sometimes (MP likes to dress herself, and I don't always notice if one sock is pink and one is white, sue me), and don't wear designer clothes. I CANNOT STAND BITCHES LIKE THIS. I did the bare minimum to get through the class party then took MP home early. I will continue to go to school functions because it makes MP's day, but I will never, NEVER offer to set up or coordinate another one. Let those bitches fight about it, I'm o-u-t.

So I also have a story about babydaddy, but since this post's gone a little long, I'll save that one. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to write while I'm in my hometown trying to avoid my crazy ass family. If you need a reminder of what I have to go through on the holidays, see here.

Hope everyone has a great Christmas/Hanukah/whatever you celebrate!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Quote of the day

"I can't believe you made me turn off Mmm Bop to listen to New Kids on the Block!"

From my brother, tonight.

He came in town to hang out with me, since MP's grounded (AGAIN. She just can't keep her yap shut in class. Her words, not mine.) and our plans to go to Sassy's house had to get cancelled.

We were playing our favorite drinking game, which is switching between the music channels on cable to see who could name the artist first without looking at the screen. Bonus points if you can name both artist and song. We were switching between 80's and 90's channels, and Hanson was on first (which he got right off the bat...embarrassing for a 27 year old hetero dude), so I switched to 80's and got the first words of NKOTB because they're my favorite, and he said the above sentence. I made him listen to the rest of "Didn't I Blow Your Mind (This Time)", and he got angry.

Guess Hanson's less gay?? DOUBT IT.

I love my brother.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Holy Snowballs Batman!

It's actually snowing here.

In Houston, Texas.

I've seen snow about 4 times in my entire life, and only once did it collect on the ground and stay for more than an hour. This one's supposed to be a pretty big snowstorm, like with actual inches collected on the ground. I am like a little kid right now, I want to play in the snow because I never have!! I know some of my Northern friends will find this absolutely crazy, but it's true. It's such a big deal here that everyone's been freaking out about it for a week now. Today I left work around 11 to drive home and log on from there, so I wouldn't have to drive in rush hour traffic with the snow/rain/ice, and once I got here and logged on there was a company-wide email sent out saying that everyone was being sent home. Scooore! I'm on my way to light a fire in the fireplace, lay on the couch, look at my pretty Christmas tree, and catch up on some DVR'd shows I never have time to watch. Maybe some wine too... don't judge, I know it's only 1PM, but it's totally appropriate for the circumstances. Who am I kidding, I'd probably still drink if it was sunny and 75 degrees...

I wish it would snow every Friday!