Monday, May 17, 2010

Dirty 30.

Today's the day I've been dreading for the past, oh, six or so years. My 30th birthday. I know it's all in my head, I shouldn't be so upset and depressed about it, yeah I get it. But it's just something I've been pretty much stressing over for quite some time now.

Friday night my friend Kristin and I went to dinner and to a bar for some drinks. Apparently, I couldn't handle my liquor because I puked at the bar, outside on the deck. It was super classy. The only thing I can come up with is that I shouldn't have downed the margaritas at dinner, because I had my normal amount of alcohol, the only different variable was the margaritas. So, sorry, Rita, you and I will no longer be friendly acquaintances. You too, tequila. Those relationships are O-V-E-R. Some nice guy at the bar saw me puking and dragged over a trash can for me. Thanks, random stranger. Mucho appreciated. Kristin quickly called a cab and we went home. By that time, I was feeling much better, so when we got back we started drinking beers again. Puke 'n rally, bitches! We stayed up till about 4 drinking and dancing to rap music in our bikinis (no, I don't know why). It was, minus the ralfing at the bar, a good night with my bestie I haven't seen in a while.

Saturday when I woke up I drove out to my brother's place. The original plan was for us to go to a friend's house and BBQ and swim in her pool all day, but Mother Nature had a different plan and the torrential rain prevented us from doing that. Ended up just hanging out with my bro and Stephanie at his place, then that evening we went to the Magnolia Music Fest and saw a Texas Country singer, Cory Morrow. It was a good time, although I was still kind of hurting from the previous night's brou-ha-ha. The festival had a bunch of food booths and some small rides and stuff, but by far the coolest thing was the white tigers they had. Yes, REAL white tigers. We paid $3 each to go see them, and ended up going back about 5 or 6 more times throughout the night. Steph and I even got to feed the daddy tiger. There was also a mom tiger who had given birth to two cubs the morning before, and they were so friggin cute.

So that was my birthday celebration. This weekend my friends are throwing a crawfish boil in honor of my birthday and one of my friend's as well. Should be a great time.

Today, I took the day off work and pretty much laid in bed all day. That's just about all I wanted to do. Finally around 5ish I said fuck it and got up and took the kiddo and I out to eat for my birthday. Nobody else was gonna take me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit at home and cook hot dogs on my big 3-0. It made my day better when I checked my facebook and had like 60 new notifications, all of my friends wishing me a happy day. The one thing that's really upsetting me is the person who's supposed to be my best friend never called or even texted me. As I'm writing this, it's 8:37, so if she calls later I'll delete this part, but I'd place a large sum of money as a bet that she won't. We got in what I thought was a small disagreement, but it's been two weeks now and we haven't spoken. I just would think that whatever issues there were, she knows how I've been down in the dumps about this birthday, and I made a huge effort to make hers memorable, so I would assume she'd put away the angriness and call a truce just to say Happy Birthday. But I guess that's not important to her right now. It really hurts, and is what has been in the back of my mind all day. I just never thought a best friend would act this way, but I've been wrong before...

Friday, May 7, 2010

Proof that karma is real.

So, last weekend was another busy one. One of the guys my brother played rugby with was getting married in Austin (a couple hours away from here), and my brother's girlfriend Stephanie and I drove up after work on Friday. My brother had to be there early to help cook for the rehearsal dinner, so Steph and I decided to carpool, and it was one of the funnest road trips ever. We got some Boone's Farm wine on the way out, and jammed to Journey, Eminem, and Guns N Roses on the way up. I had plans to hang out with Tara, one of my best friends from my hometown who now lives in Austin, so I headed over there after we met up with my brother once we got in town.

Tara took me to this honky tonk bar - just my kind of place. Juke box, pool tables, big outdoor space with picnic tables. You get it. I love low key places like this. We were sitting outside for most of the night, enjoying the beautiful Austin weather. I went inside at one point to get us some shots, and as I was chatting with the bartender, this middle aged lady next to me turns around, looks me up and down, and says, "I'm cuter than you".

I had no words. I looked at the bartender, with my mouth open, and he was cracking up. By this time I was pretty drunk, so I tapped the lady on the shoulder and said, "Could you please repeat what you just said?". She rolled her eyes and turned back around.

I was in shock. And pretty pissed, mind you. This bitch looked like she had been rode hard and put away wet a LOT in the 70's, before I was even born. She was NOT cuter than me (this said while crossing my arms and stomping my foot like a toddler). Had I not been drunk, I know it wouldn't have bothered me. Anyway, I told Tara about it, and she laughed, and we made fun of middle aged lady all night. It was pretty fun.

The next night was the wedding. Ex BF Jered was there, which I knew he would be, but I was determined not to say a word to him. As we walked up, he stopped and said hello, and I just mumbled hi as I walked by. I just did not want to have anything at all to do with him, so he couldn't go back and tell his skank girlfriend I was talking to him so she'd text me.

Later, at the reception, Jered was walking around with those disposable cameras that people sometimes have at weddings. He was taking pictures of people around me, then leans over, sticks the camera in my face, says "HATE ME", and snaps a picture. The poor bride is going to have the meanest looking picture of me, because I was glaring at him as he took the picture. What a tool.

Even later in the evening, I was at a table talking with some of the guys. I mentioned how I didn't think I was anywhere close to drunk, even after drinking beer for 4 hours, I just felt tired. Jered apparently had been standing behind me the whole time and said, "That's why I've been drinking Sangria all night, do you want some?" I paused for a few seconds and said, "Okay, I'll go with you to get some because I don't know where it is (it was hidden inside the reception hall kitchen), but you are not allowed to look at me or talk to me the entire time, ok?" He agreed, and we went inside, and as he was pouring me a drink I said, "The reason you are not allowed to speak to me is because you twisted everything last weekend so you'd seem like a big shot to your whore girlfriend, and I am not dealing with that firecrotch's drama anymore. I don't want ANYTHING to do with you after you finish pouring me that drink". He looked at me and grunted, I guess because he was following my directions not to speak, and I took my drink and walked away.

At the end of the night, everyone decided to get in the huge hot tub at the reception location. We had all thought ahead to bring swimsuits (well most of us), so we dragged the keg over and grabbed someone's iPod, and had a great time. Jered apparently didn't think ahead, so he just stood around the outside of the hot tub looking like a creeper. About an hour passed, and he decided to just get in in his boxers. As soon as he got in, I got out and told my brother and Steph I was ready. I think we all were. We loaded up and went back to the bed and breakfast we were staying at.

Sooo here's where the title of the blog comes in. I got a text last night that said:

"Jered was making out with one of the bridesmaids in the hot tub until 4AM after yall left the reception."

I just about died laughing. Firecrotch bitch was so quick to gloat about having Jered on her arm, and how much they love each other, but he CHEATED ON HER IN A HOT TUB. He never cheated on me, and said he would never cheat on anyone. Guess she's the exception.

So, Firecrotch slut screwed a man that was married for over 2 years, then broke girl code and dated a friend's ex, and now got cheated on. That's a pretty blatant example of karma, if you ask me. I don't think I've been this happy in a while. I really really really want to text her and say something, but I know that she won't believe me and will think I'm starting shit. Which is the whole point, I'd love to gloat in her face like she did in mine, but I guess I'm going to have to be the bigger person here and let her find out on her own.

I'm going to my parents' house this weekend, so it's very likely I'll have some stories next week. I hope everyone has a great Mother's Day weekend! I'll leave you with some pictures from the wedding:

Group shot of the girls - "We're cuter than you!"

Me and Steph

My brother and I (a little fuzzy)

My friend Kim and I