Monday, August 31, 2009

Weekend Wrap Up - first edition

A lot of the blogs I read do a weekend wrap up, so I decided I'd jump on the bandwagon and try to start doing one as well.

Friday I picked up MP from daycare and went home to relax for a bit. My friend Tiffany was supposed to come over and we were going to do a girls' night in, with wine, pizza, and movies. Tiff had a conflict at the last minute and couldn't make it, so Sassypants called and told me to get my ass over to her house because her kid was driving her crazy, and my kid was driving me crazy, and if they were together they could play upstairs and drive each other crazy. It worked, pretty much. There was only one time when I had to go upstairs to Kid Town (the room Sassypants and I put all her son's toys in, we jokingly named it Kid Town and it kind of stuck) and have a talk with them about behaving. Sassy's kid listens to me (she says he's afraid of me) so she'll send me up there to put the fear of God in them when they're getting out of line. A couple of our friends were over there too, and before long we had segregated the women on the front porch gossiping, the boys in the living room playing Wii, and the kiddos upstairs. It was a good time. I might mention there was lots 'o wine flowing. You probably already knew that.

Saturday MP woke me up around 7 (WTF is up with children waking up early on weekends??). My cousin wanted to get her for the day/evening, and called early to come pick her up. I met her around 8:30 then headed back home to catch up on some DVR'd shows I had recorded earlier in the week. I met my newly engaged friend downtown to go to the Bridal Expo with her, and we stayed there a couple of hours. You know that was like torture for me, but I love her so I went. When we left, she wanted to go to the huge Forever 21 store they just opened in downtown Houston, so we headed over there... I swore I wasn't going to spend any money, and I didn't. But it was like bringing a drug addict to a pharmacy, it was HARD. I had several things in my hand, but at the last minute put them down and walked out of the store. It took some major willpower, but I was proud of myself!

After we left there, we met her fiancee for dinner at a seafood restaurant. It was super yummy. We headed back to her house to get ready to out for the night. As we were getting ready we were drinking Red Bull and vodkas, and that definitely woke me up. We got a cab and went to a club called Wild West (they play country and rap, like most dance places here in Texas). We had a great time, ran into some people we knew and ended up all going back to my friends' apartment and hanging out for a while. I managed to smuggle a beer out of the club in my pants (last call is at 2 AM, and I had just bought a new beer... I didn't want to throw an almost full, cold beer out, so instead I put it in my waistband of my pants and hid it under my shirt.) I'm nothing if not classy.

We drank for a bit at their apartment, then I hit my limit and wanted to sleep. We all slept in till 11 the next morning, then made plans to go to brunch. My friend was pretty hungover and struggling bad. She actually got up from the table at brunch and went outside to throw up. We really are girls you wanna bring home to mom, right?

After brunch I went home and took a nap, waiting on MP to get home. She was dropped off around 5 or so, then I heated up some pizza and we laid on the couch watching "Raising Helen" until her bedtime. It was nice to cuddle with her for a while.

So, no run ins with the law, no broken bones, and no heartbreak. I actually met a cute guy, but we'll see if he calls. I'm not getting my hopes up, but it was nice to go out and have fun and not have exBF on my mind all night long. I guess it is slowly getting better...

So, what did you guys do? Anything fun?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Back to the grind.

Short list of the goings-on of this week:

1. MP started 1st grade.
2. MP began taking ballet, tap, and jazz classes.
3. A migraine made it's home in my noggin for 3 consecutive days.
4. I actually cooked dinner every night of the week. No takeout. That's shocking.
5. My boss was in the office, which means I have little time to blog or facebook because he's making me do mundane shit.
6. MP lost yet another tooth. (I swear she loses one every 2-3 weeks!)

Sounds pretty boring, and it is, but I'm giving you a reason why I haven't posted in a bit. I've got a lot planned for the weekend, so hopefully I'll have some fun stories for you on Monday. And hopefully none of those stories involve a broken arm, broken heart, or run-ins with the law.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Random thoughts

I got this email from a friend, and had to share... I know it's taking the lazy road, but I'm positive you all will love it. Sassypants and I almost pissed ourselves reading it. It's a list of a lot of things we've probably all thought of, but never voiced out loud. Enjoy! (My comments in italics)

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. Guilty.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. But it's if you choose to admit you're wrong that's the dilemma.
3. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. I do this ALL.THE.TIME.
5. That's enough, Nickelback. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Couldn't agree more.
6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. Right!?
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. I'll give you a minute to figure it out...
8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. This is so true, and it baffles me... how did we ALL just know to do that??
9. There is a great need for sarcasm font. YES!
10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it. Ha, Saturday Night Fever. My mom told me the condom they showed in it was candy. Imagine my surprise the first time I saw a condom in real life.
11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. Again, guilty!
12. The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image. All I can say is LMAO.
13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? Thank you!
14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each handthan take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. It's called laziness, and I'm diagnosed.
15. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. After reading this, Sassy and I agreed and shook on it.
16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying tofinish a text. So true.
17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. I liked this so much I used it as my facebook status.
18. Was learning cursive really necessary? No shit. My signature is half cursive, half print. I normally write in all caps.
19. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say". Yup.
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. Gawd, I wish I would have figured that out 20 pounds ago.
21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. Haven't taken a scantron test in a while, but I do remember that.
22. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro. LMAO.
23. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". Ahhhh Sassypants, this one's for you. :)
24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? I think three times, tops.
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! I LOVE THIS!! Wait your turn like the rest of us, asshole.
26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies". Did this last week. I said N as in Ninja.
27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? That would be awesome.
28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. NO SHIT.
30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. I always think this!
31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. WHY would you want the first blast of cold water??
32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never getdirty, and you can wear them forever. True dat. And by the third wear, they are stretched out perfectly. 33. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
34. Bad decisions make good stories. Hence most of my blog posts.
35. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! Yessss.
36. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year? I am terrified of what it's going to be like when MP is in high school. Lord help me.
37. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. LMAO. Or really good at hiding.
38. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... This is a staple of every meeting we have at work, and I still start stuttering over my own name! WTF.
39. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. This usually happens mid morning for me.
40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. I'm down!
41. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. I wonder how many deaths we'd see in obituaries from this?
42. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. I have to always hit cancel and go re-read the document.
43. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. It also means I won't buy it.
44. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of peoplewatching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' That's why I'm never the remote holder. I'm too much of a people pleaser, and it stresses me out.
45. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed. We should probably check on this.
46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? LMAO. Like times TEN.
47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. Happens to me all the time. You're guaranteed to run into someone important when you woke up late and didn't put on makeup though.
48. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. How is that possible? Even when I make playlists??
50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... Nice.
51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. They're everywhere in this little wooded community I live in.
52. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. Hilarious!
54. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. Or I'll change their name to "DO NOT ANSWER." There's about ten in my phone right now.
55. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid,I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college. "Hundreds of dollars worth of birth control, I coulda been rich!" said Sassypants.
56. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what to do with it.
57. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... Flying like a vampire out of the bed, too.
58. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that? Not a clue.
59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com andthe link takes me to a video instead of text.
60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. Hahaha.
61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
62. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay. Or roofies, whatever.
63. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Back at square one.

So, exBF's sister had a baby two weeks ago. I've been dreading going over there, just because I haven't seen her since her brother and I broke up, and I used to be over there every single day and we were great friends. It hurts me so much that I'm no longer part of their family, and I miss her and exBF's mom almost as much as I still miss him... which is a lot. A hell of a lot.

But I needed to put my feelings aside and go see that sweet baby boy and give them the gift I had bought for them, and try to be a grown up. I decided to go yesterday, and I had a little pep talk with myself in my head on the way over and felt okay about it. To add to the trepidation, she lives around the corner from my old house, so it was super hard going back to the neighborhood that I had loved so much and me and BF had so many memories there. Anyway. I did it, and didn't even cry when I pulled into the subdivision.

The visit was great, both she and her mom were there, and we chatted for a while about the birth, the baby, her other child, and everything going on in our lives. Everyone seemed to skate around the subject of the breakup, which was just fine with me. Ex "MIL"'s phone rang a couple of times and she took the calls in the other room, and one time I swore I heard exBF's voice, but I wasn't sure. Anyway, it was a great visit, and I held the tiny baby the whole time, and it was awesome. Made me miss having one for a minute.

All of a sudden I hear the front door open, and I assume it's her husband coming home from work. I'm looking down at the baby and goo goo ga ga'ing, then I hear "Hey". Look up, and it's exBF, in the flesh, right in front of me. I pause for a good 5 seconds, and manage to squeak out "Hi", and look right back down at the baby, trying not to drop him.

I haven't seen him in two months. I haven't talked to or had a text from him in a month and a half. I still think about him a million times a day, but I think I'm doing an okay job of keeping myself together. All of that flew out of the window when I saw him again, and I'm so mad at myself. He went into to the kitchen, and I got up and handed the baby back to his mom, and ran in the back room to get MP so we could leave. It was awkward like times ten, with a capital A. I was seriously shaking so bad I could barely hug his mom and sister goodbye, and the tears were about to start falling down my face. As I left, ex "MIL" followed me out, and was apologizing over and over, as I'm crying, and saying he had called earlier, and she told him I was over there and to wait to come over until I left. She's sitting there consoling me and I feel like a complete ass. It wasn't her fault he was there, yet she's apologizing. This is why I love this woman so much... she really did care for me like a daughter, and was pretty upset when things didn't work out between her son and I.

So I feel like I'm back at the beginning of the emotional rollercoaster, and I'm a wreck all over again. I wish I just would have mailed the gift.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Babydaddy Drama

I've posted before about the idiot that I call my babydaddy... shockingly, there's never a shortage of ways he can piss me off. Let me give you an example of what level of idiocy we're dealing with here: at the beginning of the summer, the dumbass shot himself in the foot while cleaning his gun. Yeah, stupid motherfucker didn't check to see if it was loaded first. Hole through his foot, blood everywhere, police called, multiple surgeries, you get it... And he's responsible for my child??? I forbade MP to go to his house until babydaddy's wife assured me she got rid of the guns in the house. Clearly this asshole has no business owning firearms if he can't be responsible enough to keep them unloaded in a house with CHILDREN running around. I shudder to think what could have happened if MP or one of her sisters got ahold of one of the guns while he was taking a nap or something.

So he wanted MP for a few weeks during the summer as usual, but once he got her up there he called me and asked if he could keep her a few more weeks so he could take her to the amusement park, water park, etc. I said okay, knowing damn well HE wouldn't be doing any of these things with her (his wife, mother, and sisters would), since he never does, but allowed it because MP loves spending time with her two sisters.

MP stayed most of the summer with them, and when I got her back, she had some interesting stories. **SIDENOTE: I make it a point to never, EVER, talk bad about him in front of her. I think (as I'm sure most of you mothers that have a child with an ex think as well) that whatever drama unfolds between us is to never be brought up in front of the child, as she needs to form her own opinions about her parents and not be forced to be uncomfortable, choose sides, etc. I have never and will never bad-mouth that SOB in front of MP, as hard as it is sometimes. :) I'll just bite my tongue and vent to my friends or to you guys.**

When talking to MP about all the fun she had and things she did, she mentions of course that daddy didn't go anywhere with them and she stayed at a sitter's for a lot of the summer. Then she says, "Daddy was talking to Aunt Rachel and said you probably didn't break your arm on a trampoline, you broke it in a B-A-R. But I can spell and I know he said bar, like where you go with your friends sometimes."

What has two thumbs and was LIVID? THIS GIRL.

I immediately texted him and said "Next time you want to say something rude about me and spell it out in front of my child, remember she can read now."

He responded, acting like he had no idea what I was talking about, and it went back and forth for a few minutes until I stopped wasting my time. Basically he was calling MP a drama queen and liar. Two days later, he called my cell, and I immediately handed the phone to MP because I have no desire to talk to him. She talks to him for a total of two minutes then hands the phone back to me. "Daddy wants to talk to you". Awesome.

We proceed to get in the WWIII of Amber/Babydaddy fights. This is the guy who hasn't called MP on her birthday in two years, who always sends his mom or wife to pick up MP instead of coming himself, who doesn't call her and ask about school, etc. I can honestly count on one hand the times he's called her to talk this year. Babydaddy yells at me that I never said thank you for the school clothes he bought her. I replied that I thanked his MOTHER profusely, since she was the one who took MP shopping and paid for them. He had nothing to do with it. I also reminded him that I haven't gotten a thank you for housing her, feeding her, attending all school parties and after school activities, being there 24-7 for her, and basically keeping her alive for the past 6 years. I get $200 a month (if his wife remembers to send it) for child support, and THAT'S FAIR??? I just spent twice that amount signing her up for dance, after-school care, paying for school supplies and getting her a new cute haircut for the school year. And that was in the span of three days.

I ended the conversation by hanging up on him (mature, I know) because he wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. He kept trying to be calm and say, "I don't know where all this hostility comes from, Amber. I can talk calm, why do you have to yell and curse at me?" I honestly have only been that angry about 5 times in my life, and cursing comes along with that kind of anger. The thing that totally set me off and sent me into orbit was when we were talking about visitation, and he said, "Earlier this summer when I called you to keep her longer, I wasn't asking you, I was TELLING you I was keeping her longer."

Psycho say WHAT??? He sure didn't have that cocky attitude when he had her in his posession, because I would have been in the car with my 6'4" brother and dad in two seconds.

So, here's my dilemma. I called the Texas Attorney General's office, who handles my child support, to see what my options were. Our custody agreement was done when MP was 5 months old, and clearly our lives, living situations, etc. are different now. The office told me that I'd have to hire a private lawyer if I wanted the court order changed, and basically if he doesn't have a job, there's no way I can get more child support than what he's paying now. Apparently people think that you can actually raise a child on $200 a month. So that aside, I would like to amend the court order in regards to visitation. We alternate holidays, which I don't like, but understand that's what normally happens, so I can deal with that. But he's insisting that he gets her for two months straight during the summer, and I think that is entirely too long a time period for her to be gone. Also worth mentioning is that I have always generously met them over halfway the distance between Houston and San Antonio to pick her up or drop her off, and I'm wondering if I can get it put in the order that they have to pick her up from my residence.

This went on quite a bit longer than I wanted to... so if you still are with me here at the end, I would appreciate to know what you'd do. Get an attorney? Leave it alone? I have to give it a lot more thought, but as of right now I'm leaning toward the attorney...

Let me mention that I want to do what is best for my daughter in all of this, regardless of what I want... I know that she needs to spend time with her father and his family, and I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy. I just think that some of his demands are excessive, and when she is asking to go back to mommy's house because she misses me, she needs to be able to.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I cannot make this shit up.

An actual instant messenger conversation that happened between me and Sassypants just now. She is known for her book smarts, not her common sense smarts. Every so often, she provides me with a story to make fun of her until she dies. This is one of them. (I still love you, though, Sassy...)

**Back story: a high school classmate of ours lost his leg in Iraq. She must have been looking at his facebook profile or something when she had a lightbulb go off.**

Sassypants: do you think *classmate's name*'s kids have legs?

Me: um

Sassypants: well he's missing one


Long pause in IM conversation


Me: I wasn't away from my computer that long, I was just staring at it to figure out if you were serious
Me: and I see you are
Me: so I'll say, yes, Amber, they have legs
Me: Losing legs in a war is not genetic.

Sassypants: but it's possilble that they don't

Me: Again, pausing.

Sassypants: I'll just go look at his pictures

Me: Ok, yes, it is POSSIBLE they don't due to a birth defect, but just because he doesn't have a leg (that he lost in war) does not mean that his kids won't have them.

Sassypants: they do, in fact, have legs

Me: I am totally posting this on my blog.

Sassypants: what?

Me: This IM conversation

Sassypants: is this funny?

Me: OMG
Me: Are you delusional? Of course it's funny. Just like you asking where the homecoming game was going to be.

Sassypants: I see what you're saying
Sassypants: that the leg thing can't be passed on genetically
Sassypants: but he lost his leg BEFORE they were born

Me: Would you ever think of asking anyone that had a baby if their kid had both legs?

Sassypants: well no
Sassypants: I would just look at it

Me: **crickets**

Sassypants: moving on

Me: I see this conversation going nowhere fast.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Dear Miss Priss

I understand you're still getting used to the new house we moved into. You weren't here for the first few weeks when I was alone and getting used it, so I can relate to the fact that being in a new place is a little different. But you have got to learn that those noises outside are made by TREES, those things we didn't have around our old house. Any time a pine needle grazes your window, it doesn't mean a bad guy is out there trying to break in. Oh, and while we're on the topic of bad guys, every time you see a white van, that doesn't mean a bad guy is in it waiting to steal cute little blue eyed girls. Sometimes they are just white vans, or cleaning services, or windshield repair guys. There is also no need for you to get out of your bed 5 trillion times during the night to tell me you are scared or have to potty. It scares mommy to death when her door is flown open and you yell "MOM" at the top of your lungs. Enough to where the first words out of my mouth are probably something a sailor shouldn't hear, much less your innocent six year old ears. On top of that, it doesn't help mommy's coworkers when she's a raving bitch due to lack of sleep the next day.

Your paranoia is waayy premature for your age. You stress about things I would never consider a six year old thinks about. You shouldn't start worrying about everything until you have rent and bills to pay and another mouth to feed. On that note, please stop telling everyone that we had to go to the grocery store because mommy had NOTHING for you to eat in the house. That was because I'll be damned if I'm going to cook a four course meal for only myself, and with a broken arm to boot. So, yeah, there were more beers than edible items in my refrigerator when you got back from your traveling summer, but I have rectified that situation so could you puhLEEZ stop telling strangers that mommy likes whiskey? Mmmkay, thanks.

I still love you more than you'll ever know, and when you come and cuddle with me on the couch, it makes my week. And when I told you BF wouldn't be around anymore, and you told me I should go on the internet and find a boyfriend on match.com because I'm beautiful, it made me smile for the first time in a while when his name was mentioned in a sentence. Ahhh to be so sweet and innocent again.

So, baby girl, let's work on these issues of being unneccesarily worrisome and scared (I think it's a ruse for you to try to sleep in my bed, but whatever), and it will be smooth sailing at the bachelorette pad from now on.

Love you more than the moon and sun,
Mommy