Friday, July 31, 2009

Last man standing

I got a call today from my best friend (the other one, not Sassypants), to tell me that she got engaged in the Bahamas this week. I am so happy for her, she has been dating her boyfriend (well, fiance' now I suppose) for over five years, and we all knew it was coming, but just didn't know when. In the midst of my happiness for her, I felt a weird twinge in my stomach. I dismissed it until I was talking to Sassypants later, and she asked if I was okay. That's when it hit me - sadness. Sassy knew what I was feeling without me even knowing it. I feel like such an asshole for even being a tiny bit sad/jealous/whatever, but I guess I'm not the first one to feel like this. Sassypants says she feels the same way when someone comes up pregnant... it's not that she is any less happy for the person, it's just bittersweet for her because that's what she's been wanting and can't have. It probably doesn't help that I'm on the heels of a breakup and want to stab any happy couple I see in the eye with my dinner fork.

But that's another issue I'm working on that has nothing to do with this post. :)

Anyhoo, when I started thinking, I quickly realized that I am the ONLY, I repeat, ONLY person in my several different groups of friends that is not engaged or married. I'm not looking for sympathy or poor pitiful Amber or anything, it's just a strange thing to be the only one left out of the group without a significant other. Trips and get togethers with my friends can be torturous when you're the only one without a date, regardless of if you are friends with everyone and their S.O. or not. There was an episode of Sex and the City titled, "They Shoot Single People, Don't They?" or something like that, which echoes my sentiments exactly.

To sum up, I'm so grateful that I didn't marry that guy I was engaged to at 19 years old, or stay in the relationship with the controlling asshole at age 23, or any of the other stupid boys I've dated before, just to say I'm with someone. I know that I am fine on my own, and I will most likely get married someday. And if I don't, I don't. I just wanted to write this because I'm quite positive I'm not the only person out there who's felt a twinge of jealousy toward a friend, regardless of your genuine happiness for them... and I kinda needed to let it out.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

It's a bird... it's a plane... no, it's Amber D.!

I've had several requests for what exactly went down with the broken arm incident, so I guess I'm ready to oblige. As embarrassing as it was, it was hilarious, and I can appreciate the humor even when I made an ass of myself.

One day after work, it wasn't humid, sunny, and 105 degrees outside, so I decided I could stand to do some exercise. Without MP at the house, I've had a lot of free time and couldn't bear sitting in the house watching TV anymore. MP has a trampoline in the back yard, so I decided that would be my exercise. I used to jump on the trampoline as a teenager for hours on end, and was in fab shape (which probably had more to do with teenage metabolism, but whatever), so I figured that could be a fun workout. I'm down for anything that doesn't require me to go to the gym.

My brother was staying with me for most of the summer while he was on break from teaching, so he came outside to hang out while I was jumping. He then says the words that caused the past few weeks of doctor's appointments: "I bet you can't still do a back flip."

Shit. Of COURSE I can still do a back flip, and handsprings, and front flip, and aerial, and anything else. Don't challenge me, bitch.

So I proceed to show him the friggin' awesome display of my gymnastics skills, all while my dog is going ape shit with all the bouncing going on. After a few minutes, in the middle of an awesome flip, I see my dog bouncing up and down trying to get my attention, and lose focus. For one stupid second. And that's when it happened.

As I was upside down, I looked over at the psychotic dog and didn't fully rotate around... I landed the flip on my toes instead of my flat feet, which caused me to shoot off the trampoline at warp speed, looking exactly like this guy:

I shit you not, I was completely horizontal. I landed about 8 feet from the trampoline on my right hand and knee, narrowly missing the fence, did a barrel roll on the ground, and hopped up to my feet. Like I meant to do it, the whole thing was planned as a TA-DA finale to my awesome performance. My brother was concerned for one whole second, then started cracking up and didn't stop for a good 10 minutes. He said it was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen.

I didn't realize I was hurt until the next day, when I woke up and couldn't bend my arm past 90 degrees or move my wrist. My brother took me to the doctor, who confirmed via xray that I had, in fact, fractured both my wrist and elbow. And you all know the rest pretty much... soft cast then hard cast. Thank GOD I only had to wear the hard cast up until last week, I am now cast free and plan to stay on solid ground forever.

So there ya go. Feel free to ridicule me, but I'll assure you I've heard it all already. My nicknames from my brother and friends range from ARMageddon to kickin' chicken wing, and my brother tells everyone I'm allergic to gravity. Whatever.

I'll never make the mistake of trying to exercise again.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

You really like me?

So, apparently I do still have a few readers that will check in when I write every month or so (not like I had a ton of readers before, but you know... I take what I can get). Courtney, aka Whiskey Girl, gave me an award! So thanks, Courtney, for staying along with me during this ridiculous ass-rape-with-no-lube of a summer I've had.

I'm supposed to give the award to 15 other awesome blogs that I follow, but I want it to be more selective and a bigger deal for my winners. (That's totally bullshit, I am really just lazy and don't want to have to go click on a ton of blogs while I'm at work to copy and paste the names of the funny blogs I follow but they probably don't know, since they have millions of readers and don't give a shit who I am).

Was that the longest sentence in parentheses in America? I think so. Moving on.

So I have picked the following lovely ladies who have really been awesome at leaving me cheerful, sarcastic, and sexual comments lately. I truly do appreciate you keeping up with me until I get my bloggy mojo back.

So here are the rules:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

And here are my homies:

Candice at Life According to Candice
Calico over at Calicobebop
My bitch Crystal at It's Not Me, It's You
Samsmama at Raising Stink
And, of course, Tits McGee at Sassy Pants Mommy.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Some pics from the Aerosmith/ZZ Top concert

Since we were way, way, WAY back on the lawn, I have no good pics of the bands... But here are some with the group, the beards, and a great glimpse of my awesome orange cast.

Me, my brother, and his best friend doing the ZZ pose (well, they're doing it, I'm trying with the cast...):

Waiting on the concert to start:

Me and Justin, aka QB, or Bizzle:

My brother, me, and QB:

Dancing to ZZ Top:

And here are me and Paula with the beards on. Just call me Billy F. Gibbons.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Since you're prolly sick of the whiny posts

I have a weekend on tap that has put me in the best mood I've been in since June 17th. Here's the agenda:

Tonight = Aerosmith and ZZ Top. My brother is already waiting at my house with a handle of whiskey and a stack of ZZ Top CD's in the stereo. I'm leaving the office at 11 to work from home (translation: drink whiskey, listen to ZZ and try to work till 3). We'll pre-pregame at my house, then pregame at a bar across the street from the amphitheater, then on to the concert at 7. I'm stoked, if you can't tell.

Tomorrow = New Kids on the Block, round two. It's gonna be AWESOME. Pretty much the same plan of pre-pregaming and pregaming as the night before, but probably with beer instead of whiskey. Nobody likes a group of bourbon-infused bitches. Concert starts around 7, at the same arena as the other concert... which happens to be 5 minutes from my house. We'll have a group of girls screaming their heads off for our childhood/teen idols, and it will be batshit crazy. But that's how I like it!

Sunday = MP comes back from her dad's!! Six weeks without her, and I'm climbing the fucking walls. I can't wait to see her, I will have to restrain myself from cuddling her to death. I need some hugs and kisses!!

Thanks to everyone for the comments... sorry I haven't really been responding. Work and life takes three times the amount of time to do with only one arm. I'll be back once this cast is off. :)

Monday, July 6, 2009

You're never gonna believe this...

But I broke my arm. Yup. In the midst of all the other stuff going on, and in addition to a bladder condition that was just diagnosed that's way fun, I broke my fucking arm. I'm in a soft cast until Wednesday, then a regular one for 6 weeks. I'm going to quit saying things can't get worse, because God's up there laughing, "Silly girl... it can ALWAYS get worse. SEE?"

It just took me ten minutes to type that paragraph, so I'll see if Sassypants will guest post the story sometime.

Oh, did I mention it's my right arm? You can probably guess that I'm not a lefty. :)