Thursday, August 20, 2009

Back at square one.

So, exBF's sister had a baby two weeks ago. I've been dreading going over there, just because I haven't seen her since her brother and I broke up, and I used to be over there every single day and we were great friends. It hurts me so much that I'm no longer part of their family, and I miss her and exBF's mom almost as much as I still miss him... which is a lot. A hell of a lot.

But I needed to put my feelings aside and go see that sweet baby boy and give them the gift I had bought for them, and try to be a grown up. I decided to go yesterday, and I had a little pep talk with myself in my head on the way over and felt okay about it. To add to the trepidation, she lives around the corner from my old house, so it was super hard going back to the neighborhood that I had loved so much and me and BF had so many memories there. Anyway. I did it, and didn't even cry when I pulled into the subdivision.

The visit was great, both she and her mom were there, and we chatted for a while about the birth, the baby, her other child, and everything going on in our lives. Everyone seemed to skate around the subject of the breakup, which was just fine with me. Ex "MIL"'s phone rang a couple of times and she took the calls in the other room, and one time I swore I heard exBF's voice, but I wasn't sure. Anyway, it was a great visit, and I held the tiny baby the whole time, and it was awesome. Made me miss having one for a minute.

All of a sudden I hear the front door open, and I assume it's her husband coming home from work. I'm looking down at the baby and goo goo ga ga'ing, then I hear "Hey". Look up, and it's exBF, in the flesh, right in front of me. I pause for a good 5 seconds, and manage to squeak out "Hi", and look right back down at the baby, trying not to drop him.

I haven't seen him in two months. I haven't talked to or had a text from him in a month and a half. I still think about him a million times a day, but I think I'm doing an okay job of keeping myself together. All of that flew out of the window when I saw him again, and I'm so mad at myself. He went into to the kitchen, and I got up and handed the baby back to his mom, and ran in the back room to get MP so we could leave. It was awkward like times ten, with a capital A. I was seriously shaking so bad I could barely hug his mom and sister goodbye, and the tears were about to start falling down my face. As I left, ex "MIL" followed me out, and was apologizing over and over, as I'm crying, and saying he had called earlier, and she told him I was over there and to wait to come over until I left. She's sitting there consoling me and I feel like a complete ass. It wasn't her fault he was there, yet she's apologizing. This is why I love this woman so much... she really did care for me like a daughter, and was pretty upset when things didn't work out between her son and I.

So I feel like I'm back at the beginning of the emotional rollercoaster, and I'm a wreck all over again. I wish I just would have mailed the gift.


Anonymous said...

Awwwww Amber I'm so sorry.

Crystal said...

now i kinda wish it WAS your other arm. better than a broken heart.

i'm sorry. i have been there too. to quote one of the greatest artists of our time, "two steps forward, three steps back" and it does suck (both the emotions and the fact that i mentioned MC Skat Cat), but it DOES get easier. it is a good thing that you went over there. now you got the first time seeing him again out of the way. i really hope you feel better soon!!!!!

calicobebop said...

I hate that damn emotional roller coaster! I hope it gets better for you soon. Nothing worse than him springin up on you like that! Seriously, do you think he planned that? I mean, if he knew you were there and all...

My offer to buy drinks still stands!

Candice said...

That sucks. I'm reall sorry you feel as though you have to start all over again emotionally.

I suppose you were bound to run into your ex at some point. At least it's done, and with any luck at all you will feel stronger with each passing day.


Amber D. said...

Courtney - Thanks. Your virtual hugs are great. Now, let's have a virtual shot of whiskey together. :)

Crystal - Yeah, a friend told me after I broke my arm that bones and hearts will always eventually heal.. I'd kinda rather have a broken arm than broken heart though. And I appreciate the MC Skat Cat reference, I always wanted Paula's striped leggings from that video when I was a kid.

Calico - I really don't know if he came over there on purpose. He's not the type to be sentimental or sad, he was probably over the breakup the day after it happened. I don't think that he misses me so much that he just HAD to see me, but who knows. If that was the case, he definitely went about it the wrong way.

Candice - Yes, I know it was bound to happen, and I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner, as we have a lot of the same friends. I'm glad I got it out of the way, but wish I would have handled it a little better... if I had been at a bar or something, I would have been more relaxed, and could have probably acted semi-normal instead of like a bumbling idiot. :) Oh, I hope you've recovered from all the ugly ta-ta sightings on your vacay.

Samsmama said...

Oh, sweetness, I'm SO sorry! That sucks that you were so excited to go over there and that it ended so badly. Kudos to his mother for how she reacted. It's obvious she cares for you and misses you.

Hang in there! Time wounds all heels.

Virtual whiskey has been sent your way.