Tuesday, July 28, 2009

It's a bird... it's a plane... no, it's Amber D.!

I've had several requests for what exactly went down with the broken arm incident, so I guess I'm ready to oblige. As embarrassing as it was, it was hilarious, and I can appreciate the humor even when I made an ass of myself.

One day after work, it wasn't humid, sunny, and 105 degrees outside, so I decided I could stand to do some exercise. Without MP at the house, I've had a lot of free time and couldn't bear sitting in the house watching TV anymore. MP has a trampoline in the back yard, so I decided that would be my exercise. I used to jump on the trampoline as a teenager for hours on end, and was in fab shape (which probably had more to do with teenage metabolism, but whatever), so I figured that could be a fun workout. I'm down for anything that doesn't require me to go to the gym.

My brother was staying with me for most of the summer while he was on break from teaching, so he came outside to hang out while I was jumping. He then says the words that caused the past few weeks of doctor's appointments: "I bet you can't still do a back flip."

Shit. Of COURSE I can still do a back flip, and handsprings, and front flip, and aerial, and anything else. Don't challenge me, bitch.

So I proceed to show him the friggin' awesome display of my gymnastics skills, all while my dog is going ape shit with all the bouncing going on. After a few minutes, in the middle of an awesome flip, I see my dog bouncing up and down trying to get my attention, and lose focus. For one stupid second. And that's when it happened.

As I was upside down, I looked over at the psychotic dog and didn't fully rotate around... I landed the flip on my toes instead of my flat feet, which caused me to shoot off the trampoline at warp speed, looking exactly like this guy:

I shit you not, I was completely horizontal. I landed about 8 feet from the trampoline on my right hand and knee, narrowly missing the fence, did a barrel roll on the ground, and hopped up to my feet. Like I meant to do it, the whole thing was planned as a TA-DA finale to my awesome performance. My brother was concerned for one whole second, then started cracking up and didn't stop for a good 10 minutes. He said it was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen.

I didn't realize I was hurt until the next day, when I woke up and couldn't bend my arm past 90 degrees or move my wrist. My brother took me to the doctor, who confirmed via xray that I had, in fact, fractured both my wrist and elbow. And you all know the rest pretty much... soft cast then hard cast. Thank GOD I only had to wear the hard cast up until last week, I am now cast free and plan to stay on solid ground forever.

So there ya go. Feel free to ridicule me, but I'll assure you I've heard it all already. My nicknames from my brother and friends range from ARMageddon to kickin' chicken wing, and my brother tells everyone I'm allergic to gravity. Whatever.

I'll never make the mistake of trying to exercise again.


Anonymous said...

Ok, first off, I'm glad you are healed. Secondly, I will teach you some mad gymnastics skills. Third, you know they make those mesh cage things that go around the trampoline to KEEP YOU IN right? Guess you know what I'll buy you for your birthday next year.

LOL - word verification: groum

Amber D. said...

Ha, I had one of those mesh thingys on it, but took it down before Hurricane Ike came through Houston, and never put it back up... the trampoline is gone anyway, I left it at my old house because apparently I cannot be trusted around one.

Samsmama said...

And that, my friend, is exactly why I don't exercise. Too risky.

You told that so well! The image of you flying through the air was spectacular. And your finish? I'd give it a 9. That you tried to play it off was fantastic!

calicobebop said...

Amen! No more exercise - that shit is dangerous!

Also, I'm so glad that it was only your wrist and elbow that were broken! The story was hilarious! Crazy ass animals will be the death of us.