Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Babydaddy Drama

I've posted before about the idiot that I call my babydaddy... shockingly, there's never a shortage of ways he can piss me off. Let me give you an example of what level of idiocy we're dealing with here: at the beginning of the summer, the dumbass shot himself in the foot while cleaning his gun. Yeah, stupid motherfucker didn't check to see if it was loaded first. Hole through his foot, blood everywhere, police called, multiple surgeries, you get it... And he's responsible for my child??? I forbade MP to go to his house until babydaddy's wife assured me she got rid of the guns in the house. Clearly this asshole has no business owning firearms if he can't be responsible enough to keep them unloaded in a house with CHILDREN running around. I shudder to think what could have happened if MP or one of her sisters got ahold of one of the guns while he was taking a nap or something.

So he wanted MP for a few weeks during the summer as usual, but once he got her up there he called me and asked if he could keep her a few more weeks so he could take her to the amusement park, water park, etc. I said okay, knowing damn well HE wouldn't be doing any of these things with her (his wife, mother, and sisters would), since he never does, but allowed it because MP loves spending time with her two sisters.

MP stayed most of the summer with them, and when I got her back, she had some interesting stories. **SIDENOTE: I make it a point to never, EVER, talk bad about him in front of her. I think (as I'm sure most of you mothers that have a child with an ex think as well) that whatever drama unfolds between us is to never be brought up in front of the child, as she needs to form her own opinions about her parents and not be forced to be uncomfortable, choose sides, etc. I have never and will never bad-mouth that SOB in front of MP, as hard as it is sometimes. :) I'll just bite my tongue and vent to my friends or to you guys.**

When talking to MP about all the fun she had and things she did, she mentions of course that daddy didn't go anywhere with them and she stayed at a sitter's for a lot of the summer. Then she says, "Daddy was talking to Aunt Rachel and said you probably didn't break your arm on a trampoline, you broke it in a B-A-R. But I can spell and I know he said bar, like where you go with your friends sometimes."

What has two thumbs and was LIVID? THIS GIRL.

I immediately texted him and said "Next time you want to say something rude about me and spell it out in front of my child, remember she can read now."

He responded, acting like he had no idea what I was talking about, and it went back and forth for a few minutes until I stopped wasting my time. Basically he was calling MP a drama queen and liar. Two days later, he called my cell, and I immediately handed the phone to MP because I have no desire to talk to him. She talks to him for a total of two minutes then hands the phone back to me. "Daddy wants to talk to you". Awesome.

We proceed to get in the WWIII of Amber/Babydaddy fights. This is the guy who hasn't called MP on her birthday in two years, who always sends his mom or wife to pick up MP instead of coming himself, who doesn't call her and ask about school, etc. I can honestly count on one hand the times he's called her to talk this year. Babydaddy yells at me that I never said thank you for the school clothes he bought her. I replied that I thanked his MOTHER profusely, since she was the one who took MP shopping and paid for them. He had nothing to do with it. I also reminded him that I haven't gotten a thank you for housing her, feeding her, attending all school parties and after school activities, being there 24-7 for her, and basically keeping her alive for the past 6 years. I get $200 a month (if his wife remembers to send it) for child support, and THAT'S FAIR??? I just spent twice that amount signing her up for dance, after-school care, paying for school supplies and getting her a new cute haircut for the school year. And that was in the span of three days.

I ended the conversation by hanging up on him (mature, I know) because he wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. He kept trying to be calm and say, "I don't know where all this hostility comes from, Amber. I can talk calm, why do you have to yell and curse at me?" I honestly have only been that angry about 5 times in my life, and cursing comes along with that kind of anger. The thing that totally set me off and sent me into orbit was when we were talking about visitation, and he said, "Earlier this summer when I called you to keep her longer, I wasn't asking you, I was TELLING you I was keeping her longer."

Psycho say WHAT??? He sure didn't have that cocky attitude when he had her in his posession, because I would have been in the car with my 6'4" brother and dad in two seconds.

So, here's my dilemma. I called the Texas Attorney General's office, who handles my child support, to see what my options were. Our custody agreement was done when MP was 5 months old, and clearly our lives, living situations, etc. are different now. The office told me that I'd have to hire a private lawyer if I wanted the court order changed, and basically if he doesn't have a job, there's no way I can get more child support than what he's paying now. Apparently people think that you can actually raise a child on $200 a month. So that aside, I would like to amend the court order in regards to visitation. We alternate holidays, which I don't like, but understand that's what normally happens, so I can deal with that. But he's insisting that he gets her for two months straight during the summer, and I think that is entirely too long a time period for her to be gone. Also worth mentioning is that I have always generously met them over halfway the distance between Houston and San Antonio to pick her up or drop her off, and I'm wondering if I can get it put in the order that they have to pick her up from my residence.

This went on quite a bit longer than I wanted to... so if you still are with me here at the end, I would appreciate to know what you'd do. Get an attorney? Leave it alone? I have to give it a lot more thought, but as of right now I'm leaning toward the attorney...

Let me mention that I want to do what is best for my daughter in all of this, regardless of what I want... I know that she needs to spend time with her father and his family, and I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy. I just think that some of his demands are excessive, and when she is asking to go back to mommy's house because she misses me, she needs to be able to.


Anonymous said...

Amber - hi, you don't know me but Amber L does. Ask her about me...I hope it's nice ;-)

Anyway, I would definitely get a lawyer. I dated an asshole like your babydaddy. I got along fine with his ex-wife. He was anything BUT fair. He didn't meet her halfway on anything.

Spend the extra cash to get a private attorney, get more child support, work on the visitation arrangements. Talk about the guns in the house!!

Good Luck!!

Lin said...

I say you get an attorney. I'm sure it's not gonna be cheap but it'll be best if you to modify your custody agreement.

Obviously you're not okay with the current terms so you need to review them & have some of them changed/added. You're the parent, looking out for your child is the best thing you can do.

Samsmama said...

He should not be allowed to have firearms in the house if he can't be responsible enough to, oh, I don't know, NOT SHOOT HIMSELF!?!

Yes, get an attorney. You can't argue with a legal document. $200 a month isn't jack and two months away is too much.

Good luck to ya! I can certainly relate to having a jackass ex.

calicobebop said...

Wait a minute - you get $200? I was told that the best I could expect from Muffin's unemployed father was $85 and I NEVER get THAT! Maybe I need to move to TX...

And yes, even though it costs an arm and a leg - get a lawyer. You've got the documentation to nail his ass and clearly he's not as interested in having a daughter as he is in having something to hold over you. What a JACKASS!

(ps - Jackass is what I call my babydaddy and no, I never say it in front of her. Sometimes taking the high road sucks. grrr...)

Amber D. said...

Jonni - Amber talks very highly of you, so no worries there. :) Like you did, I get along very well with his wife. She treats my daughter like one of her own, and that's more than I could ask for. Her husband is just a prick.

Lin - Great advice. I haven't looked into the cost for an attorney, but I used to work for a law firm and may have some attorneys that would be more than happy to help...

Samsmama - Yes, I definitely know you can relate to an asshole ex. I do read every post of yours. :) I'm definitely using the firearms thing against him, along with all the other documentation I have collected over the years. Safe to say, there's a lot. I'm very efficient. :)

Calico - Yes, I get $200, but that's because when we did the agreement he actually had a job. $100 is for insurance, which I pay, and actually that isn't even close to what I pay for MP to be on my policy per month. I do think it's a contest to see how much he can have control over, but this is one contest he ain't gonna win. (Said in best Texas girl accent). :)

Cary said...

We need to put your ex and Smama's ex in a locked cage match to the death.

Two men enter, one man leaves.

Then as soon as the one leaves, we gun him down just for shits and giggles. I'll do it. I got a gun. Never shot myself in the foot with it though. I bet that hurts.