Happy Birthday, Miss Priss!!

6 years ago today, I was in labor for the second time in 10 days, wishing the day would end... That's a long faded memory now, thank goodness. Can't believe my baby is already 6 years old... time flies. We're having her party tomorrow, so I'll have some new pics up next week but until then...



This is her standing next to an ass (hehe) two years ago at her birthday party (at a farm, not my house... I may live in Texas, but there's no asses in my backyard. Unless BF is back there). She wouldn't take off the tiara all day, in classic MP style. I just love this pic.

A new addition to my family. No, I'm not pregnant!

MP's birthday is tomorrow, and I still have no idea what to get her. The kid has three of everything. So she might be spoiled, what about it??

BF brought over his gift to her last night... a new puppy!! I was quite skeptical of this, and have been going over the pros and cons for weeks now, but BF convinced me that every kid needs a pet, and I finally caved.

He called me yesterday to tell me he picked the puppy up (a beagle/poodle mix), and also bought everything she'd need (food, treats, bowls, a crate, etc.). He even bought her a pink and white polka dot collar!! The boy knows me well. He didn't want to wait until Friday to give it to her, so he decided to do it last night. He called as he was pulling in the neighborhood and asked me to have her sit on the living room floor and blindfold her so he could surprise her. I did as I was told, and when he got there he had a disposable camera wound and ready to go, with the flash on, so I could take pictures. (I know this sounds hella 1995, but my digital camera crapped out on me, so we made do with what we could.) What a thoughtful boyfriend. :)

So, MP is sitting there and he lets the puppy go, and she runs right up to MP and starts licking her on the face. MP starts freaking out, laughing, and immediately starts rolling on the floor with the puppy. She was so excited, and I got a lot of great pictures (I hope).

BF and I sit MP down to explain her new responsibilities. She was pretty distracted with the puppy, but I think she got the gist of everything. I told her we needed a name for the pup, and she immediately says "Bella". So Bella it is. I'm glad she didn't rattle off Hannah Montana or Sharpay (from High School Musical, if you're lucky enough to not know who that is).

The night went pretty well, except for my lack of sleep. I had to let her out at 2AM wearing nothing but a ZZ Top t-shirt and a thong, but really, what neighbors are up at 2AM on Thursday morning? Guess I'm going to have to start sleeping in clothes. But that's beside the point. I went back to bed and let her sleep with us, since I have to crate her during the day and don't want to keep her in there at night too. Probably not the best idea, since she kept me up until 4:30 with her doggy dreams, but oh well. We're all adjusting, so I figure it will get better with time.

Then, this morning as we were about to leave, I hear MP from her room... "Bella, that's not very ladylike!" Turns out she pooped right in the middle of her floor. And so life with a puppy begins...

I'll post the pictures as soon as I go down to the store and get them developed. I'm so old-skool!

Miss Priss Withdrawls - and a little ranting.

I'm having serious cuddlebug withdrawls. I need my little one back, stat! Her dad lives three hours away from here, and during her spring break she went to stay with him. She's been gone since last Friday, and won't be back until tomorrow night or Sunday. I should be used to this, for her whole life whenever she'd go to her daddy's she would stay at least 4 days, sometimes up to 2 weeks, because he rarely got her and I would let her stay a little longer. Now that she's in school though, she obviously can't go as often. I'm not driving an hour and a half to meet on a Friday night just to turn around Sunday morning to do the same thing. He never calls and asks to get her anyway, so this works out for all involved (except probably the most important person involved, MISS PRISS). I'm just so happy that MP doesn't seem to realize the lack of communication on her dad's part...yet. I'm sure it will happen in the next few years, and when that day comes I know that I can say I've done everything that I could to make him part of her life. I think she'll figure everything out on her own, and it makes me unbelievably sad to think of her being hurt. But it's his loss... he's the one losing out on daily recounts of what happened at school, how her friends are, what she's learning, and even how her birthday was. Yeah, he didn't even call her last year on her birthday, actually nobody from his family did. I cried for her, even though she didn't realize he hadn't called. And when she did ask me why her dad didn't call her on her birthday a few days later, I lied for her dad and said he did but I forgot to tell her. I won't be doing that again. I understand he's got a wife and two kids in San Antonio with him, but he constantly forgets about his first born baby girl, and soon she'll be in the know enough to not want anything to do with him. Again... his loss. I just can't imagine NOT wanting to spend every second with this precious girl!

Enough of the ranting... it's Friday! Two days of weekend coming up, yay!

**UPDATE, 1 hour after posting: texted babydaddy's wife (the only one I communicate with, funny huh... I never even talk to him about arrangements anymore because he doesn't have his shit together); trying to find out when the hell I can get her back bc they never responded before... she asks if we can do it Sunday because babydaddy has been out of town all week for training in my hometown. WHAT.THE.FUCK. Why the hell did MP even go then? Mood: back to pissed off. It will be a long ass time before I let her go again... turns out she was at a babysitter's house for the whole week. She could have done that here. On the bright side, babydaddy finally got a job after 5 years so maybe my child support can return to consistent instead of wondering when and if I'm going to get it...

OK, think I'm really done now. At least I hope so.

Interview with the spawn

Answered by Miss Priss, age 5 (well, 6 in 2 weeks...). Answers are exactly as she quoted them.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
I love you.

2. What makes mom happy?
Me!

3. What makes mom sad?
When I act mean and bad and when someone stole something that was yours (I have no idea what she's talking about on the last part)

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
You do funny stuff and squeeze that butt. (Squeeze that butt is how I wake her up in the morning, she has a tushie that just needs to be squeezed sometimes!)

5. What was your mom like as a child?
You were always being silly and you had fun at recess.

6. How old is your mom?
28 (She usually says 58 so I'll take this answer!)

7. How tall is your mom?
20 feet long (oh dear)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me and spend time with me and Jered.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
You just go to your friends and hang out and you go on a field trip with your friends like to the river.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Because you sing good and because youre the most talented girl I've ever met. (Singing, no way)

11. What is your mom really good at?
You are really really really good at going to nap. (Ha, I love to sleep, what can I say?)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Letting me play with my friends. (Seeing as she only wants to run around with boys that are 4 years older, I'll say I guess I'm not good at letting her play with her friends!)

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Work at *insert correct name of company I work for here*. (Very good!)

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
I would really say fried chicken. (Nope, but I am a Southern girl and love my fried foods.)

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
Because what you do for me.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
SpongeBob. (I don't see the resemblance?)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Sometimes we play games.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Because we're both talented and we both like boys. (Niiiice. I'm in for some serious shit in her teenage years.)

19. How are you and your mom different?
We don't have the same hair cause yours is brown and blonde and mine is brown.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because you spend time with me.

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
To the river. (10-4, little one!)

When I told her that was the end, she said she wished there was more. :)

Yep, it's definitely Monday.

This morning I overslept, then MP also fell back to sleep after I woke her up, making me late.

Shattered my driver's side rearview mirror of my car as I was backing out of my garage this morning, trying to figure out why my babysitter wasn't answering her phone. My dumb ass hit the side of the garage backing up. My own fault for not paying attention, but WTF!

Babysitter wasn't awake when I went to drop MP off this morning, therefore I had to park and go in her house and wake her up (I have a key, I didn't break in).

Aforementioned parking-and-going-inside makes me 5 more minutes late.

Disabled vehicle on the side of the road on the way to work, causing everyone to rubberneck and make me even more late.

Get to work and park in the garage. Take a look at the rearview mirror and determine it's probably going to cost an assload of money to fix it, as the electric motor isn't working either.

Get in my office and realize I have 4 expense reports and three foreign visa applications and one passport request to do RIGHT NOW. (But I just finished them, thank GOD).

I need to go home and get in bed with a glass of wine. I just might do it.

See, even a pessimist can be grateful!

Reading over some of my bloggyspace friends' blogs, I decided to follow suit and write about things I'm grateful for. Yeah, this is kind of out of character for me, since I'm pretty much a glass-half-empty kinda gal, but I do know I am a lucky girl in a lot of ways. It could be worse, a lot worse...

My daughter (of course)
I know that I wasn't ready to have her when I did, and there were a lot (A LOT) of struggles during pregnancy, birth, and raising her so far... but I wouldn't go back and change a thing. She's independent, witty, smart, and an all around good kid , and I know that there are a lot of single moms out there that struggle much worse than me. A good thing about her growing up the way she has is that she adapts to new things very well, and flourishes. No way could I have ever done that, growing up in my sheltered two parent stable household. Of course, she has her days, as we all do, but those days pale in comparison to the days where she draws me a picture with two stick figures and I LUV MOMMY on it, and offers to unload the dishwasher because "mommy looks tired". It's the little things...


My job
I'm lucky to just have one. And from the looks of things, I'll have one for a while, since my company is actively HIRING instead of doing layoffs. There are things that happen on an hourly basis that piss me off to no end, but hey, I get to go home to a nice house with electricity and water, food stocked in the fridge, and have some extra money to unwind with friends on the weekends, so I really have no reason to complain. I know there are people out there who are stressing about their wife and kids to support with no job, and that put things right back into perspective when I'm bitching about the asshole who treats me like I'm his personal servant. There are lots of people out there that would jump at the chance to be the Italian asshole's personal servant.

My bed
Yes, my bed. You have no idea. I am so freaking grateful to have the big, comfy, soft, king size bed with fluffy pillows and a warm comforter and soft sheets. I would live in that bitch if I could. TM can relate to me on this one.

Friends and boyfriend
I'm so lucky to have the people in my life that I do. I've lost touch with a lot of old friends over the years, the ones that I swore would be bridesmaids in my wedding and I would be there at their kids' births... but people change, and instead of being sad over friendships fading away, I am happy for the ones that have remained strongly intact. I'm lucky to have three best friends as well, Matter of Fact Mommy! My brother, my girl KG, and of course, TM. I know that no matter what problem I have, I can turn to any one of them and they can help me fix it (or they can just fix me a strong drink, and I'll forget about the problem, ha.) And then there's BF... we were friends with benefits for almost a year before we started dating, and I never thought anything would come out of our situation other than what it was. But now we've been officially together for 8 months and he really makes me happier than I thought he ever could. Letting someone in your life when you have a child is one of the hardest things to do, and he's the first guy that MP has ever known I was dating. Although he annoys me to no end and is emotionally retarded sometimes (I say that in the nicest way possible, ha), he shows he cares in little ways that nobody but me gets to see, and I think that's one of the best things about him. He cares about MP just as much as he cares about me, and watching him with her truly makes me melt.

The weekends
How could I leave that out!? Some people have to WORK on the weekends... but I get those two glorious days that I can spend with all the things I'm grateful for. :)

IM conversation of the day

TM and I work for a company who has interoffice IM capabilities... great if you need to find something out quickly without waiting on an email or actually talking to a person, but bad if you and your best friend work at the same job. We are on it all day long.

Below is part of a conversation we've had today...

**BACKSTORY: We live in Houston, and today the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is opening. There are people who trek here on their horses, in wagons and shit, from all over the state and even lots of other states, to go to the rodeo. We also work in a place referred to as "Gunspoint" because of all the minority crime. There have been multiple shootings since we've worked here, all within a 1/2 mile radius.


Me... the trail riders are going down Greenspoint Dr. right now
TM... cool
Me... the neighborhood peeps here aren't going to know what the hell is goings on
TM... LMFAO
Me... I think they're camping out at Greenspoint mall
Me... hope they brought their trusty rifles, and if they're BBQing they better watch their back
TM... OMG are they crazy?
Me... yeah I know
Me... I see a bunch of trailers over there
TM... I wonder why on earth they picked that spot?
Me... Um, to make it more like the Wild Wild West, with shootouts and bandits and all?
TM... ohhh, right
Me... I'd like to walk over there and ask if 2 weeks on the friggin "Oregon Trail" has made them crazy enough to stop here and set up camp
TM... LOL
Me... And if riding a horse down I-10 is anything like our ancestors had to go through

... Ten minutes later ...

TM... I'm bored
Me... um yeah, uh huh me too
Me... let's go jack with the chuck wagon gang over at the mall
TM... LMFAO
TM... wait, would that mean we'd have to *walk* over there?
Me... well they *rode in a wagon* or *on a horse*
TM... hmm
Me... I'll take walking over misaligning my spine.
TM... I'm just not willing to put my life at risk
Me... this is true
TM... it's hard enough for me to get from the bldg to the garage
TM... AND down a flight of stairs
Me... I'd hate to have on my grave marker "She died surrounded by cowboys and cowgirls in a blaze of gang fight gunfire"

Yep, my friends, just another day at the office...

My first and last fistfight.

TM and I were in a goofy mood Friday afternoon, and were reminiscing about some of our shenanigans over the past few years. This story came up, and she pretty much told me I HAD to blog about it. So here it is.

Halloween is always a holiday I look forward to. We always dress up and go out and have a great time. A couple of years ago, Halloween fell on a Wednesday, so we had already celebrated the previous weekend (because what grown up with a real job can REALLY go out on a work night?). Well, turns out, MP was at her dad's that year, so this grown up with a real job decided not to sit home and be sad about not taking her kiddo trick or treating, and went out. On a work night.

A friend of mine was the one who convinced me, so we got all dressed up in our costumes and went to a bar. We met some of her work buddies out there (one was actually her boss), and found out they were having a costume contest. I should mention how we were dressed, I suppose...

Me: Army girl (costume from the previous year that I had to re-wear because my goddess costume had Jaeger Bomb stains on it from the weekend before)
Friend: Bumblebee
Friend's Boss: Rocker dude with eyeliner, fake tats, etc.
Friend's Coworker #1: A cowboy, complete with stuffed horse that attached to his waist
Friend's Coworker #2: Guy from the movie Office Space: it was awesome, he had attached Post-Its to completely cover his suit, briefcase, shoes, head, EVERYTHING, and had the red stapler as well. It was very original.

So that was our group. When we get to the club and find out about the contest, we all force Office Space guy (OSg) to go enter because his costume was awesome. He complies and goes up to register. Bumblebee friend and I are dancing and drinking, and it's pretty packed, so we go to the edge of the dance floor to watch the contest. There were the standard hooker girls with not much more than a smile on, the buff guys dressed up as firefighters or cops (pretty unoriginal), and a few other randoms, along with OSg. My bumblebee friend had gone to get the rest of our group when OSg came on stage, and the crowd started laughing and clapping. I was trying to get him to win, so I was telling everyone around me to yell for him (because the winner was determined by loudness of the crowd or something). Everyone's being cool and saying sure, we'll yell for him, then I get to this big Mexican bitch. I tap her on the shoulder politely and ask her to yell for OSg and she glares at me, turns around, and pours a beer on my head. Yes, that's correct. She POURED HER BEER ON MY FREAKING HEAD. For what!? Asking her to yell!?

I was completely in shock, and stood there for at least 30 seconds with my mouth open. I turned around to find my bumblebee friend, who was behind me standing with her boss. When I got to her, she was like, "Um, WTF happened to your hair and mascara?", and I told her a big Mexican bitch poured her beer on me. She asked which one, so I turned to look for her, and she happened to be standing exactly where she had been a second ago. I said, "This one", as my arm took on a life of its own and poured my beer on her head. Eye for an eye, bitch. Then it was on.

I should mention the BMB (Big Mexican Bitch) had about 10 inches and 150 lbs on me. This is pertinent information.

BMB turns around, with beer dripping down her face just like it had done mine a few minutes ago, and lunges at me. In a total bitch move, she grabbed me by my hair (at the time, it was pretty long, so there was a lot to grab). I start swinging, as she has me in a death grip, but she's so tall that I can barely connect with her face. So I start trying to connect with her huge gut that is right in front of me. All of a sudden, I see black and yellow flying in my direction. Bumblebee friend saw it go down and decided that two small girls equal one BMB. She literally has to jump up to reach this chick, and proceeds to stick her thumb in her eye, and claw the other side of her face. BMB never even threw a punch, all she did was grab my hair and try to elbow bumblebee friend, but there wasn't time for anymore... because here come the bouncers. Great.

One bouncer grabs me, somehow gets his arms entertwined in mine and lifts me up to where my feet are dangling about 6" off the ground, and starts carrying me out. The whole time, I'm kicking and screaming, "I'm cool, man! I'm cool! Let me go!". I see bumblebee in front of me, getting carried out the same way. We get carried out past her coworkers (nice), and the bartender guy that had been calling me for a week or so, who had the most puzzled look on his face. Like, a this-bitch-is-crazy kind of look.

The bouncers put me and bumblebee against the wall and ask WTF happened. BMB is also outside, still yelling at me in Spanish and pointing her finger at us. In the glow of the streetlights she was way scarier. We knew a lot of the people who worked at the bar, so we told them what happened and they found us to not be a threat, so they let us back in. I was really scared that BMB would be waiting in her El Camino or something when we left later that night, but all was good.

In conclusion, I would like to state for the record that I am not a crazy ghetto bitch. That was the first altercation I had ever been in, and I was 27. I was totally provoked. And she started it.

Also, I'm really glad I wasn't wearing the goddess dress with heels like I wanted to. I was more prepared for combat wearing this:

Summation of last weekend...in pictures

Last Friday TM and I (and our significant others) went to see one of our favorite bands, Cross Canadian Ragweed... here are some pics that might give you insight to our silly lives:

Here we have me and TM. I think this might be the only non-drunk picture we have together!

Here we have me and BF posing for a nice, clean pic... and TM's hand sneaking up and groping me. I mean, her ta tas are three times the size of mine, she could get more out of it by copping a feel of her own chest!! Just sayin'.

Here I am, checking out her hubby's nice ASSets. He's got a ghetto booty, and he says that's the only reason I wanna hang out with him. He might be right. Note the quantities of beer littering our table...

Here are me and TM, not-so-patiently waiting for the opening act singer to shut her piehole and let Ragweed come on stage. We're obviously not into the band that's the opener. (Again, all the beers... GEEZ!)

And here are BF and I, with photographic evidence that I constantly annoy him. He's trying to smile, but looks pained. I was probably drunk singing. Eh, he puts up with me. :)

We all had fun though, except for the memory loss we all seemed to experience after midway through the concert (and obviously after many beers and shots). Thank goodness TM had a camera so we could go back and piece together that night's events...

Dating and the Black Hole Theory

As you must know by now, I'm not a single gal. But for about, oh, 4 years I was. And it was, for lack of a better word, interesting. I developed a theory that Tits McGee can totally corroborate. It's called the Black Hole Theory. Here's the scoop:

I would go out with a seemingly great guy. We would hit it off and seem to have a great time, and it would seem like there would be a second date. Emphasis on the word seem (three times). Date would end, maybe a kiss, maybe not, then he would say he'd call. But that would never happen. Sure, that happens a lot in the dating world, I get it. It's just part of the hazards of dating. But, you see, it happened EVERY TIME. And the guy would seriously disappear off the face of the earth. REALLY. I lived in a very small town, where everyone knows everyone and their business, and these people would literally cease to exist, never to be heard from again.

Before you're quick to think I'm an awful date, I will say that I'm not hideously ugly, boring, or have a terrible body odor. All my guy friends have said this, so I know it's true. :) I'm not narcissistic or arrogant, self-centered, or obsessed with hair, nails, teacup chihuahuas, the color pink, or saying the phrase "that's hot". I've been told I'm a catch (again, by all my guy friends), I like my "me time", therefore I like for him to have his guy time without me, I'll watch sports and drink beer and shots of whiskey, I prefer a sports bar or hole in the wall joint over a wine or martini bar, and I have no problem with getting muddy riding 4-wheelers or going fishing on the river. So what's the problem?

To this day, I have no clue why these guys decided to write me off on the first date. (Actually, some made it to two). It seriously became such a joke that TM would make a comment whenever I gave my number to someone that I better enjoy the one date I was gonna get, if he even called at all. (I was not offended by this at all, it really became a running joke between us for the longest time).

One guy, the morning after our second date, de-friended me (is that a word?) on myspace and changed his profile to private, and his status to say something about "the one that I'm in love with". Um, ok... guess he's not talking about me? And why is he dating other people if he's that close to falling in love?! Oh, shit, maybe I was so awful that I pushed him over the edge to loving some other person!! I wanted to go stalker style and find the girl and tell her that the morning before he decided he loved her he had taken me to the movies then out for drinks and tried to feel me up, but I refrained. I AM an adult, after all. :)

Next victim, same thing. Out for dinner and margaritas and back to my house to watch a movie. This one, I think I got figured out though... he kept trying to paw me during the movie and I wasn't having it. I think he thought he was gonna get some, so when I didn't give it up, guess that was a good reason for him to run for the hills. I never heard from or saw him again.

Last one (there are many more, but this post is getting long): bass player in a local band. Totally hot. Buys me a drink in the bar, gets my number, and I actually kiss him goodnight after making plans to go out the following weekend (I was drunk, not easy). :) Go to work the next day and am telling a friend about him, and she asks his name, I tell her, and her face goes white. I am, of course, very observant and ask WTF the problem is, do you know him? She says, uh, yeah, that's my friend's boyfriend. And they aren't even having problems. (PS - his name was a very common one, like, say, Brian White. There could have been lots of them in my town. Oh but wait - the whole playing bass guitar in the local band thing... right. Not likely there was another one of those.) Needless to say, our date was cancelled, without either one of us calling each other. I heard they broke up. And I haven't seen him since. But I'm sure you figured that out.

I also have quite a few stories about guys I went out with and then they married the next person they dated (I'm like Good Luck Chuck, there were honestly about 8 of those), or the psychos that I've dated and all the batshit crazy stuff they pulled, but thinking about all this makes me appreciate that I finally have a good relationship. For those single ladies out there... I feel your pain. It's hard out there, yo!