This past Friday was my brother's college rugby team's annual Alumni weekend, which I haven't missed in the past 9 or 10 years. It's always a blast, everyone comes back for the weekend and it's a great chance to see everyone who we used to party with every weekend. Re-live the glory days, if you will. Yes, I know I didn't play rugby, but those guys and their wives/girlfriends are some of my best friends, and I look forward to this weekend all year.
I got to Huntsville (the town it's held in) around 4 on Friday afternoon. It's tradition to head to the local bar that is home to the ruggers, and my brother calls it the best bar on the Earth. I have to agree. It's a great place, everyone knows everyone, the owner's super understanding of the crazy rugby players that pay his light bill every month, and the jukebox has got awesome music on it. My brother and his girlfriend Stephanie showed up about 10-15 minutes after I did, and the party was on.
About an hour or so after I got there, I glanced in the parking lot and saw my ex boyfriend Jered walking up. I may have mentioned before that he played rugby with my brother, so I pretty much knew he'd be there, and had prepared myself. Funny thing is, he actually PLAYED on the team, and I didn't of course, but everyone preferred to hang out with me at the bar and took my side on the whole breakup. THAT's pretty damn cool if you ask me. He looked so out of place and uncomfortable, and Steph and I kept giggling about it all night. La-hooo, za-herrr.
I had been avoiding the tool for the entire afternoon and evening, but around 8 or 9 he came up to me, grabbed my arm, and asked if we could talk about things. I was incredibly inebriated by this point so I rolled my eyes and said fine. We walked to the side of the bar and he starts to tell me how he really hates how things turned out with us, he was hoping we could be friends. I told him that we WERE cool when we broke up, I had no problems with being friends one day after I got over the heartbreak stuff, but then he started dating the ugly whorebag ex friend of mine. Yes, I used all of those words. I also called her firecrotch slut, disgusting, and almost anything else I could think of. I also said I'm surprised he would date a girl who slept with married men. He didn't really say much as I was talking shit on his girlfriend, which was surprising. I also said she and him deserved each other because they are both shitty people. He then proceeded to tell me that he loves her. I was with the guy for an entire YEAR and he would always tell me that he didn't love me. That kind of stopped me in my tracks, because I realized he was trying to hurt me, but it didn't work because I am so over it. I said, "well maybe she can deal with your weird sexual fetishes because I sure couldn't, even though I did love you". I think I won that round.
He told me that I'd left some boxes at my old house (his new girlfriend's house, remember) when I moved out, and that he'd brought them with him because he figured he'd see my brother. I told him, let's go get them because I wanted that to be the end of it... closure. We walked to his truck then to my car to put the stuff away, then he walked back over to where my brother and Steph were sitting. And that's when the best thing I've ever seen happened.
I introduced Steph to Jered, she looked him up and down with narrowed eyes, and said, "Oh, yes, you must be Amber's douchebag ex."
I died laughing.
Thank you, Steph, for that. I think that's an introduction for the history books.
He walked off shortly after that, and the party continued. We went back to one of our friends' houses for the after party, and douchebag ex showed up and passed out on the couch. I went downstairs to go to sleep around 4 (I think).
The next morning I woke up, on the floor, with no pillow, with one of my guy friends spooning me with his hand in my jeans pocket. Under a snuggie. WTF. It's probably one of the weirdest things I've woken up to. I was fully clothed though, so all was good.
Then I checked my phone, and there was a text from the ex's girlfriend. It said, "Please grow up".
WHAT.THE.FUCK. I was beyond livid.
I responded "Lose my number, bitch", and ran upstairs to look for Jered. I found him on the couch he passed out on and smacked him in the head to wake him up. I said, "I don't know what the fuck you told your whore girlfriend but obviously she's a psycho. Tell her to NEVER call or text me again". He looked thoroughly confused, and said he'd take care of it, and as we were talking another text came through from her - "Then stop talking about." I told him he could add on to the message to never call me again that she should probably learn grammar and the English language as well.
All I can think of is that he told her that I was talking shit about her, which isn't a lie. I'm sure there was some exaggeration on his part so he could feel important, but that's okay. Some people feel the need to lie to feel better about themselves.
I'll be seeing him again this weekend for one of the rugby guys' weddings. I asked him last weekend if he was going and he said he was, and said he wasn't bringing his girlfriend because he didn't think it was appropriate. Now, why would it be appropriate to date her but not bring her?? I think he was worried I'd start something with her, which I would NEVER do at someone's wedding. I WOULD, however, make damn sure that none of my friends talked to her, which means the only person that she could conversate with would be her boyfriend. I kinda wish she would go just so I could see it. :)
This post ran a lot longer than expected, so I'll fill you in on the ZZ Top concert I went to Saturday night at another time.
**UPDATE: Upon reading this, Steph sent me the following email that I think I should include because it's funny: "You forgot the part when I asked Jered why he wasn’t bringing fire crotch to the wedding and he told me “it just wouldn’t be appropriate” to which I responded “Oh but f*cking her behind Amber’s back for several weeks after Amber specifically asked Laine NOT to go after you was appropriate”?"***
You see why I love her?
Oh yeah, Sassypants is doing well, she's due in a couple of months, and is having another boy. She is beyond ready to pop the kid out, and is extremely miserable. I'm going to get on her to post on her blog, since she's been MIA for MONTHS.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
What does the barber say? Neeeeext!
Below is the story of the dude I was seeing. I'm hella busy at work, but feel like a total asshole because I never post anymore. So here goes...
I've known Chris since junior high, never really hung out with him because he's two years older, but he was always at high school parties and whatnot so our paths crossed often. Later, I'd see him occasionally at bars, but he was dating this girl I knew and they had a crazy psychotic relationship that everyone made fun of (kinda like this-isn't-working-but-if-I-can't-have-you-nobody-will-and-I'll-burn-your-fucking-house-down kind of thing). I'd heard all kinds of stuff that she was straight-jacket-crazy, but we have a bunch of mutual friends so I'd see her out a lot, and she never seemed like that to me. Little did I know.
Over the Christmas holidays, I ended up going over to Chris's house a few times with my brother, who is good friends with Chris's roommate. We got to talking one night, and Chris mentioned he had tickets to go see Lil Wayne (don't judge, you know you'd go too) and said he couldn't find anyone to go with him, would I wanna go? I said hell yeah and gave him my number, and that was the beginning. He texted me that night, and every single day after that until the end. Didn't end up getting to go to the concert because I had to be back in Houston and didn't want to drive back to my hometown in the middle of the week for just one night, but it was ok. After New Year's, I went back home and Chris invited me over to hang out and watch the Cowboys game (I love the Cowboys!). That was the beginning. Long story short, we ended up seeing each other every weekend for two months.
During this time, I knew his psycho ex would freak out if she found out we were seeing each other, so I asked him to keep it quiet for the sake of my car tires and for his testicles. She'd have cut them both if she found out. I was thinking there was no need for her to know since it wasn't anything serious.
**Before you go thinking I broke girl code and refer back to what happened to me a few months ago, I'll clarify that me and his ex weren't friends, didn't hang out, anything like that, so I didn't feel I was crossing a line. I honestly thought long and hard (hee hee) about it, and after talking to several friends, we all came to the conclusion that I was NOT breaking girl code. Just to be clear. :) Anyway, back to the story**
So, after over a month or so of talking every day and seeing each other every weekend, and him getting a little jealous of guys hitting on me while we're out, I decide to have the talk about where this is going. I also decide that we haven't been really discreet about this, so since there are so many mutual friends, crazy ex is bound to find out, and I think she should hear it from him instead of through the gossip mill. I should probably mention that the crazy ex called him all the time, and one time when I posted what bar I was at on facebook, she commented and said, "Chris is there playing pool" and immediately started blowing his phone up asking who was all in the bar. I obviously went there with him, but said, "oh yeah I just saw him... small world". This made me start thinking... she knew he was there, so he must be actually talking to her, instead of ignoring her calls like he told me he was doing. Hmmm.
Few weeks later, Chris is supposed to come to Houston to stay with me for the weekend. Monday night of that week, he called me and said, "Hey, crazy ex found out about you and I seeing each other, if she calls you don't answer". Which she did about 5 minutes later. Now, my thoughts were, it's not my place to get involved in whatever drama they have. Below is the text conversation we had after I didn't answer her call:
Crazy Ex (CE): "I am not trying to be the crazy ex [she even said it!!] but I know you have been talking to Chris. I am hurt. I know you have to be aware of how close Chris and I and how much we love each other. I just want to talk to you about this."
Me: "I'm sorry if you're hurt. Don't know how you heard but wanted it to be from him and not from anyone else. I don't see why we'd need to talk about this though."
CE: "Oh I have been talking to him about this and will more in a bit. I stay with him at least once a month. I was there all last week. [Funny, because I stayed with him that weekend. Another example of her delusions.] I could forward you tons of text messages from today on how much he loves me and misses me and that he wants to marry me still."
Me: "See, this is what I didn't want... drama. I'm going to let you guys hash it out, I really don't want to be involved. I could tell you what he says to me but that's not my place and it's none of your business."
So I let Chris know what's going on and went to bed, sick of dealing with all this. At 2:30 AM I get a text from her that says:
"Sorry so late. Chris and I are okay. We're going to give it another shot. We really do love each other a lot. I asked him if this would upset you but he said no that you were just friends and nothing more".
WHAT!?
The next morning, he called as usual, and I said, so I guess we're done here, right, you're back with crazy ex? And he said, "WTF are you talking about, no way... she called me last night saying she was going to kill herself, shaking a bottle of pills into the phone so I could hear them, and saying I need to call 911. I haven't talked to her since." As we were talking, I checked my facebook and the girl updated her relationship status to "In a Relationship" and said, FINALLY BACK WITH CHRIS! in her updates. I started laughing and told him, and he flipped out. Within two minutes both of the updates were deleted.
Friday comes, and Chris is supposed to come to Houston after work. As we're talking that day, I've got this weird feeling, and I tell him that I'd bet anything she's going to be at his house when he gets off work that day. I just know how crazy she is. I should have mentioned before, she lives in Austin, which is a 5 hour drive from where he lives. But I know how this girl works, and I told him I'd be willing to bet a very large sum of money that she'd be at his house that afternoon. He told me I was absolutely nuts, and there was no way. That evening, around 5 (when he gets off work), I checked facebook and on crazy ex's updates it says "Good 'ol Paulwood!" Paulwood's the name of his subdivision.
I flipped out and texted him, and said, "Have fun with crazy ex. I'm done." He responded that yes, she had been there, but he made her leave. I told him if he didn't make it to my house that evening and put forth some effort, I was done.
He didn't drive to Houston.
Now they're back together.
I'm such an idiot, every word out of his mouth must have been a lie the whole time we were seeing each other, and I was so dumb I believed him. All I can assume is that he expected me to never find out he still talked to her so much, and never expected me to get some balls and end things.
Like a game of football, I got PLAYED, dude.
Oh well... like Jay Z says, on to the next one.
I've known Chris since junior high, never really hung out with him because he's two years older, but he was always at high school parties and whatnot so our paths crossed often. Later, I'd see him occasionally at bars, but he was dating this girl I knew and they had a crazy psychotic relationship that everyone made fun of (kinda like this-isn't-working-but-if-I-can't-have-you-nobody-will-and-I'll-burn-your-fucking-house-down kind of thing). I'd heard all kinds of stuff that she was straight-jacket-crazy, but we have a bunch of mutual friends so I'd see her out a lot, and she never seemed like that to me. Little did I know.
Over the Christmas holidays, I ended up going over to Chris's house a few times with my brother, who is good friends with Chris's roommate. We got to talking one night, and Chris mentioned he had tickets to go see Lil Wayne (don't judge, you know you'd go too) and said he couldn't find anyone to go with him, would I wanna go? I said hell yeah and gave him my number, and that was the beginning. He texted me that night, and every single day after that until the end. Didn't end up getting to go to the concert because I had to be back in Houston and didn't want to drive back to my hometown in the middle of the week for just one night, but it was ok. After New Year's, I went back home and Chris invited me over to hang out and watch the Cowboys game (I love the Cowboys!). That was the beginning. Long story short, we ended up seeing each other every weekend for two months.
During this time, I knew his psycho ex would freak out if she found out we were seeing each other, so I asked him to keep it quiet for the sake of my car tires and for his testicles. She'd have cut them both if she found out. I was thinking there was no need for her to know since it wasn't anything serious.
**Before you go thinking I broke girl code and refer back to what happened to me a few months ago, I'll clarify that me and his ex weren't friends, didn't hang out, anything like that, so I didn't feel I was crossing a line. I honestly thought long and hard (hee hee) about it, and after talking to several friends, we all came to the conclusion that I was NOT breaking girl code. Just to be clear. :) Anyway, back to the story**
So, after over a month or so of talking every day and seeing each other every weekend, and him getting a little jealous of guys hitting on me while we're out, I decide to have the talk about where this is going. I also decide that we haven't been really discreet about this, so since there are so many mutual friends, crazy ex is bound to find out, and I think she should hear it from him instead of through the gossip mill. I should probably mention that the crazy ex called him all the time, and one time when I posted what bar I was at on facebook, she commented and said, "Chris is there playing pool" and immediately started blowing his phone up asking who was all in the bar. I obviously went there with him, but said, "oh yeah I just saw him... small world". This made me start thinking... she knew he was there, so he must be actually talking to her, instead of ignoring her calls like he told me he was doing. Hmmm.
Few weeks later, Chris is supposed to come to Houston to stay with me for the weekend. Monday night of that week, he called me and said, "Hey, crazy ex found out about you and I seeing each other, if she calls you don't answer". Which she did about 5 minutes later. Now, my thoughts were, it's not my place to get involved in whatever drama they have. Below is the text conversation we had after I didn't answer her call:
Crazy Ex (CE): "I am not trying to be the crazy ex [she even said it!!] but I know you have been talking to Chris. I am hurt. I know you have to be aware of how close Chris and I and how much we love each other. I just want to talk to you about this."
Me: "I'm sorry if you're hurt. Don't know how you heard but wanted it to be from him and not from anyone else. I don't see why we'd need to talk about this though."
CE: "Oh I have been talking to him about this and will more in a bit. I stay with him at least once a month. I was there all last week. [Funny, because I stayed with him that weekend. Another example of her delusions.] I could forward you tons of text messages from today on how much he loves me and misses me and that he wants to marry me still."
Me: "See, this is what I didn't want... drama. I'm going to let you guys hash it out, I really don't want to be involved. I could tell you what he says to me but that's not my place and it's none of your business."
So I let Chris know what's going on and went to bed, sick of dealing with all this. At 2:30 AM I get a text from her that says:
"Sorry so late. Chris and I are okay. We're going to give it another shot. We really do love each other a lot. I asked him if this would upset you but he said no that you were just friends and nothing more".
WHAT!?
The next morning, he called as usual, and I said, so I guess we're done here, right, you're back with crazy ex? And he said, "WTF are you talking about, no way... she called me last night saying she was going to kill herself, shaking a bottle of pills into the phone so I could hear them, and saying I need to call 911. I haven't talked to her since." As we were talking, I checked my facebook and the girl updated her relationship status to "In a Relationship" and said, FINALLY BACK WITH CHRIS! in her updates. I started laughing and told him, and he flipped out. Within two minutes both of the updates were deleted.
Friday comes, and Chris is supposed to come to Houston after work. As we're talking that day, I've got this weird feeling, and I tell him that I'd bet anything she's going to be at his house when he gets off work that day. I just know how crazy she is. I should have mentioned before, she lives in Austin, which is a 5 hour drive from where he lives. But I know how this girl works, and I told him I'd be willing to bet a very large sum of money that she'd be at his house that afternoon. He told me I was absolutely nuts, and there was no way. That evening, around 5 (when he gets off work), I checked facebook and on crazy ex's updates it says "Good 'ol Paulwood!" Paulwood's the name of his subdivision.
I flipped out and texted him, and said, "Have fun with crazy ex. I'm done." He responded that yes, she had been there, but he made her leave. I told him if he didn't make it to my house that evening and put forth some effort, I was done.
He didn't drive to Houston.
Now they're back together.
I'm such an idiot, every word out of his mouth must have been a lie the whole time we were seeing each other, and I was so dumb I believed him. All I can assume is that he expected me to never find out he still talked to her so much, and never expected me to get some balls and end things.
Like a game of football, I got PLAYED, dude.
Oh well... like Jay Z says, on to the next one.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Duuuude. I've been gone a while.
I just realized I last posted way back in January. I always have stuff happening to me that I think to myself I need to blog about, but life's been getting in the way a lot lately. I'll give you bullet points, as I seem to do a lot, and hopefully get back atcha in the next few days to give you full recaps.
* Guy I got under in the last post is no longer in my life. Long story that will have to have it's own seperate post because it's a doozy. I'm thisclose to becoming a lesbian or starting my cat collection, either one.
* I just recently (as of this week) transferred jobs at work. This is part of the reason I've been MIA.
* A trip to the bar last weekend that included about 12 shots (no exaggeration), me groping the bartender's store-bought boobies, and dropping it like it's hot on the pole in the middle of the plywood dance floor. I don't get down like that anymore, and I was hurtin' for the whole next morning after. But it was fun. :)
That's all I can think of at this moment. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead. Oh, and Sassy Pants is still alive and kickin' too... still prego and starting to waddle. I know the sex of the baby but I don't know if she wants to share it with yall herself or not so I'm not stealing her glory. BUT she hasn't posted since like October, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'll ask her and get back with you.
Hopefully, I'll be able to wrap this post up within two or three days. Cross your fingers that I'll be able to do so...if I still have anyone out there interested in the goings on of my pathetic life... :)
* Guy I got under in the last post is no longer in my life. Long story that will have to have it's own seperate post because it's a doozy. I'm thisclose to becoming a lesbian or starting my cat collection, either one.
* I just recently (as of this week) transferred jobs at work. This is part of the reason I've been MIA.
* A trip to the bar last weekend that included about 12 shots (no exaggeration), me groping the bartender's store-bought boobies, and dropping it like it's hot on the pole in the middle of the plywood dance floor. I don't get down like that anymore, and I was hurtin' for the whole next morning after. But it was fun. :)
That's all I can think of at this moment. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead. Oh, and Sassy Pants is still alive and kickin' too... still prego and starting to waddle. I know the sex of the baby but I don't know if she wants to share it with yall herself or not so I'm not stealing her glory. BUT she hasn't posted since like October, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'll ask her and get back with you.
Hopefully, I'll be able to wrap this post up within two or three days. Cross your fingers that I'll be able to do so...if I still have anyone out there interested in the goings on of my pathetic life... :)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The best way to get over a guy...
is to get under a new one.
One of my favorite quotes from "Sex and the City". It's ohhh so true. :)
One of my favorite quotes from "Sex and the City". It's ohhh so true. :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The full stories from the last post.
Below are the full (or, maybe condensed a bit) explanations of the event teasers I left you with on Christmas Day. I was drunk when I wrote them, by the way, so it's kinda amusing seeing what I wrote and now having to explain them. I've included the original text so you (I) can remember what I wrote. Here goes:
**Mom got effed up on Christmas Eve. Shocker.
Yeah, I may have mentioned before that my mom has an addiction to prescription painkillers that she won't admit to. She thinks my brother and I are crazy, and she thinks she doesn't have a problem. Anyway. She got all spaced out at my dad's parent's house and ended up eating pecan pie (or jabbing a fork into the full pie tin and missing her mouth on the way to take a bite) in a sleepy daze. I could have slapped the bitch, and would have if my grandmother hadn't have been sitting right there. Or if my brother didn't yank me outside.
**I spent Christmas Eve in a BYOB bar. Pictures will be included.
After said "high mother" incident, my brother and I grabbed a bottle of bourbon and went to a dirty bar that serves beer only (that's why we brought our own bottle) and listened to drunks sing horrible Christmas karaoke and play pool. I think at one point I floated above my body, looked down, and realized how pathetic it was to be sitting on an old spool that was serving as a bar stool, swigging cheap bourbon out of the bottle, with a guy with one eye hitting on me, and my brother off-key-karaokeing ZZ Top with a pool cue as his fake guitar. Then I just realized that's life and tried to make the best of it. And here are the pictures. Excuse the quality, they're from my Blackberry, in a dark bar, with a not so sober hand holding the phone.
The sum of our bar experience: Beer, bourbon, quarters for playing pool, and smokes. KLASSY.
Me standing next to the neon Christmas tree, swigging my cheap bourbon. My bro thought it would win for most pathetic Christmas card.:
My brother holding a Christmas card some 500 pound man gave me. You can see the upscale bar atmosphere in the background.
**Snuggie action.
Nuff said... here's a picture of my dad in the pink snuggie Santa brought me:
**Waffle House.
You should know this story by now. We get yummy Waffle House every Christmas morning. This year I actually got to sit my ass on the couch while my brother had to get out and pick it up. Ha, sucka!
**Drunken Santa present giving involving Twister and a broken lamp.
Since my brother and I had been at a bar on Christmas Eve, we were not sober when we got home, and had to put out MP's gifts from Santa. We got everything set up, got in bed and had almost passed out when MP woke up and said no way she could sleep and ran in the living room before I could stop her. I had to get everyone out of bed so they could see her open her gifts, and we ended up drinking coffee at 1:30AM and watching her play with everything. This included Twister. My brother volunteered to play with her, lost his not-quite-sober-yet balance, and fell into that table up there in the picture next to my dad, and broke the lamp. Here's a pic pre-disaster:
**White Elephant gift exchange almost coming to blows.
I got a margarita machine out of the gift exchange, and everyone wanted it. That simple. But I ended up walking away with it, thank goodness.
**Whiskey, beer, and karaoke.
I think I've told this story already. Damn, I was drunk when I wrote the list.
**Drunk uncle who never drinks slurring words awesomely.
My super straight laced uncle put away an entire bottle of Crown, and entertained me ALL Christmas day. Since I was drunk as well, I can't remember what he said. Dammit. I know he had some great drunk slurry made-up words.
**Family arguing abundantly.
But that's a given, right? Especially when your mom takes non-prescribed narcotics and ruins the 6th Christmas in a row.
**Cheese dip ruining my expensive peacoat.
I was in charge of bringing the crock pot full of cheese dip back from my grandmothers, and that was a bad idea. I was drunk, tripped over the cord, and the crock pot spilled the lava-like Velveeta all over me and my coat. Thankfully, I have finally located all the areas of cheesy gooeyness and removed them. Only took me a week.
So. Merry freaking Christmas. Hope everyone had a wonderful one... and my New Year's Eve trip to New Orleans post will follow soon. :)
Friday, December 25, 2009
SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT...
But not enough time. Here's the bullet points...
**Mom got effed up on Christmas Eve. Shocker.
**I spent Christmas Eve in a BYOB bar. Pictures will be included.
**Snuggie action.
**Waffle House.
**Drunken Santa present giving involving Twister and a broken lamp.
**White Elephant gift exchange almost coming to blows.
**Whiskey, beer, and karaoke.
**Drunk uncle who never drinks slurring words awesomely.
**Family arguing abundantly.
**Cheese dip ruining my expensive peacoat.
I'll leave you with that to think about until I have the time to actually write the post. You'll need to tune in for that one. :)
**Mom got effed up on Christmas Eve. Shocker.
**I spent Christmas Eve in a BYOB bar. Pictures will be included.
**Snuggie action.
**Waffle House.
**Drunken Santa present giving involving Twister and a broken lamp.
**White Elephant gift exchange almost coming to blows.
**Whiskey, beer, and karaoke.
**Drunk uncle who never drinks slurring words awesomely.
**Family arguing abundantly.
**Cheese dip ruining my expensive peacoat.
I'll leave you with that to think about until I have the time to actually write the post. You'll need to tune in for that one. :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Overflowing with frickin' Christmas cheer. Or not.
I know I'm not the only one stressed out around the holidays. It's a given that EVERYONE'S stress level spikes around this time. That's why it's so hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit and enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, etc., because I've constantly got a knot in my stomach about money, gifts, travel, etc. I've actually done better this year though, I got my Christmas tree the Monday after Thanksgiving (more to come on that), and taken MP to look at lights, and watched all the claymation Christmas specials, etc. like a good mommy should. Since I haven't posted stories in a while, I figured today would be a good day to do that (since I'm at work, nobody's here, and I have less to do than I normally do). Here goes.
I went to get my Christmas tree early this year, since I like having it in my house for the whole month of December. I always get a real tree... I know it's more work than an artificial one, but I love the way my house smells. It just smells like Christmas. Anyway, I went to a garden center here in Houston, and was worried bc I've never had to do the whole tree thing alone before, and I was wondering how I was going to manage getting the tree on/in my car (I drive a SUV), and in my house. I asked the guy at the center if he could help put it on my car, and of course he didn't speak English. Ask three more people, and none of them speak English either. NOBODY in the damn place spoke English. I literally threw my hands up in the air and stomped out of the place, I was so pissed. THIS IS AMERICA. Have someone in your store that can speak the native language, mmkay!? So I go to Kroger, and they have trees there! I was so excited. I know everyone speaks English there. I get a little guy to help me get the 7' tree to my car, and on the way out of the store, I slip and fall right on my ass. I was only on the ground for a millisecond because I jumped right back up, but MP yelled, "MOMMY ARE YOU OKAY! YOU JUST FELL!!", drawing attention to me. There was a lady coming out of the store behind me and she had this look on her face... I looked at her and said, "It's okay, you can laugh. If I walked out of a store behind you and you fell, I'd totally laugh after I knew you were okay". So she did. I would have done the same. Anyway, we get the tree IN my car (yeah that was fun), and I get home and realize I have absolutely nobody to help me do this. So I roll my sleeves up, change shoes, and proceed to drag this enormous tree up my walkway and into my house. A half hour later, I had it in the stand (somewhat) securely, and ready for MP and I to decorate. It may or may not be leaning towards the wall a bit, but hey, I did it all by myself.
MP's class holiday party was last week. The room mom was going to be out of town, so she emailed me and asked if I could handle coordinating the day of stuff, and I hesitantly said I would. Now, here's my deal. I am a single mom that works full time. There are plenty of moms in the class that don't work that she could have asked. I don't mind helping out at all, but my idea of helping out is bringing a couple bags of chips and showing up in time to help my kiddo decorate her ornament. Instead, since I felt bad saying no, I took the day off work so I could make sure to be at the school early and prepared, and I could also try to knock out my shopping in the morning. When I get to the classroom, two other moms are there and bitching about what a crappy room mom the other lady is, and how everything is stupid, and how they could have done a much better job. WTF. I hate people like this. (Sidenote - I know I'm Negative Nancy a lot, but the way these women were bitching, you'd think the children's Christmas craft was making Nazi swastikas out of cotton balls or something. They were just bitching to bitch.) I shut my mouth and worked on getting the ornament stuff sorted out and organized, all while they're bitching and moaning about the room mom who's not there to defend herself. They also don't bother talking to me. Now, I know some of my blog friends are stay at home moms, but from what I gather, you are not THIS TYPE of SAHM. These bitches wear Juicy Couture track suits, have perfectly manicured nails, fresh highlights with perfectly cut hair, and spend all day shopping with their husband's money. Ok, fine. But the worst part is these ladies look down on me like I'm trash because I'm a single mom, work full time, send my daughter to school with messy hair and unmatched socks sometimes (MP likes to dress herself, and I don't always notice if one sock is pink and one is white, sue me), and don't wear designer clothes. I CANNOT STAND BITCHES LIKE THIS. I did the bare minimum to get through the class party then took MP home early. I will continue to go to school functions because it makes MP's day, but I will never, NEVER offer to set up or coordinate another one. Let those bitches fight about it, I'm o-u-t.
So I also have a story about babydaddy, but since this post's gone a little long, I'll save that one. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to write while I'm in my hometown trying to avoid my crazy ass family. If you need a reminder of what I have to go through on the holidays, see here.
Hope everyone has a great Christmas/Hanukah/whatever you celebrate!
I went to get my Christmas tree early this year, since I like having it in my house for the whole month of December. I always get a real tree... I know it's more work than an artificial one, but I love the way my house smells. It just smells like Christmas. Anyway, I went to a garden center here in Houston, and was worried bc I've never had to do the whole tree thing alone before, and I was wondering how I was going to manage getting the tree on/in my car (I drive a SUV), and in my house. I asked the guy at the center if he could help put it on my car, and of course he didn't speak English. Ask three more people, and none of them speak English either. NOBODY in the damn place spoke English. I literally threw my hands up in the air and stomped out of the place, I was so pissed. THIS IS AMERICA. Have someone in your store that can speak the native language, mmkay!? So I go to Kroger, and they have trees there! I was so excited. I know everyone speaks English there. I get a little guy to help me get the 7' tree to my car, and on the way out of the store, I slip and fall right on my ass. I was only on the ground for a millisecond because I jumped right back up, but MP yelled, "MOMMY ARE YOU OKAY! YOU JUST FELL!!", drawing attention to me. There was a lady coming out of the store behind me and she had this look on her face... I looked at her and said, "It's okay, you can laugh. If I walked out of a store behind you and you fell, I'd totally laugh after I knew you were okay". So she did. I would have done the same. Anyway, we get the tree IN my car (yeah that was fun), and I get home and realize I have absolutely nobody to help me do this. So I roll my sleeves up, change shoes, and proceed to drag this enormous tree up my walkway and into my house. A half hour later, I had it in the stand (somewhat) securely, and ready for MP and I to decorate. It may or may not be leaning towards the wall a bit, but hey, I did it all by myself.
MP's class holiday party was last week. The room mom was going to be out of town, so she emailed me and asked if I could handle coordinating the day of stuff, and I hesitantly said I would. Now, here's my deal. I am a single mom that works full time. There are plenty of moms in the class that don't work that she could have asked. I don't mind helping out at all, but my idea of helping out is bringing a couple bags of chips and showing up in time to help my kiddo decorate her ornament. Instead, since I felt bad saying no, I took the day off work so I could make sure to be at the school early and prepared, and I could also try to knock out my shopping in the morning. When I get to the classroom, two other moms are there and bitching about what a crappy room mom the other lady is, and how everything is stupid, and how they could have done a much better job. WTF. I hate people like this. (Sidenote - I know I'm Negative Nancy a lot, but the way these women were bitching, you'd think the children's Christmas craft was making Nazi swastikas out of cotton balls or something. They were just bitching to bitch.) I shut my mouth and worked on getting the ornament stuff sorted out and organized, all while they're bitching and moaning about the room mom who's not there to defend herself. They also don't bother talking to me. Now, I know some of my blog friends are stay at home moms, but from what I gather, you are not THIS TYPE of SAHM. These bitches wear Juicy Couture track suits, have perfectly manicured nails, fresh highlights with perfectly cut hair, and spend all day shopping with their husband's money. Ok, fine. But the worst part is these ladies look down on me like I'm trash because I'm a single mom, work full time, send my daughter to school with messy hair and unmatched socks sometimes (MP likes to dress herself, and I don't always notice if one sock is pink and one is white, sue me), and don't wear designer clothes. I CANNOT STAND BITCHES LIKE THIS. I did the bare minimum to get through the class party then took MP home early. I will continue to go to school functions because it makes MP's day, but I will never, NEVER offer to set up or coordinate another one. Let those bitches fight about it, I'm o-u-t.
So I also have a story about babydaddy, but since this post's gone a little long, I'll save that one. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to write while I'm in my hometown trying to avoid my crazy ass family. If you need a reminder of what I have to go through on the holidays, see here.
Hope everyone has a great Christmas/Hanukah/whatever you celebrate!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Quote of the day
"I can't believe you made me turn off Mmm Bop to listen to New Kids on the Block!"
From my brother, tonight.
He came in town to hang out with me, since MP's grounded (AGAIN. She just can't keep her yap shut in class. Her words, not mine.) and our plans to go to Sassy's house had to get cancelled.
We were playing our favorite drinking game, which is switching between the music channels on cable to see who could name the artist first without looking at the screen. Bonus points if you can name both artist and song. We were switching between 80's and 90's channels, and Hanson was on first (which he got right off the bat...embarrassing for a 27 year old hetero dude), so I switched to 80's and got the first words of NKOTB because they're my favorite, and he said the above sentence. I made him listen to the rest of "Didn't I Blow Your Mind (This Time)", and he got angry.
Guess Hanson's less gay?? DOUBT IT.
I love my brother.
From my brother, tonight.
He came in town to hang out with me, since MP's grounded (AGAIN. She just can't keep her yap shut in class. Her words, not mine.) and our plans to go to Sassy's house had to get cancelled.
We were playing our favorite drinking game, which is switching between the music channels on cable to see who could name the artist first without looking at the screen. Bonus points if you can name both artist and song. We were switching between 80's and 90's channels, and Hanson was on first (which he got right off the bat...embarrassing for a 27 year old hetero dude), so I switched to 80's and got the first words of NKOTB because they're my favorite, and he said the above sentence. I made him listen to the rest of "Didn't I Blow Your Mind (This Time)", and he got angry.
Guess Hanson's less gay?? DOUBT IT.
I love my brother.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Holy Snowballs Batman!
It's actually snowing here.
In Houston, Texas.
I've seen snow about 4 times in my entire life, and only once did it collect on the ground and stay for more than an hour. This one's supposed to be a pretty big snowstorm, like with actual inches collected on the ground. I am like a little kid right now, I want to play in the snow because I never have!! I know some of my Northern friends will find this absolutely crazy, but it's true. It's such a big deal here that everyone's been freaking out about it for a week now. Today I left work around 11 to drive home and log on from there, so I wouldn't have to drive in rush hour traffic with the snow/rain/ice, and once I got here and logged on there was a company-wide email sent out saying that everyone was being sent home. Scooore! I'm on my way to light a fire in the fireplace, lay on the couch, look at my pretty Christmas tree, and catch up on some DVR'd shows I never have time to watch. Maybe some wine too... don't judge, I know it's only 1PM, but it's totally appropriate for the circumstances. Who am I kidding, I'd probably still drink if it was sunny and 75 degrees...
I wish it would snow every Friday!
In Houston, Texas.
I've seen snow about 4 times in my entire life, and only once did it collect on the ground and stay for more than an hour. This one's supposed to be a pretty big snowstorm, like with actual inches collected on the ground. I am like a little kid right now, I want to play in the snow because I never have!! I know some of my Northern friends will find this absolutely crazy, but it's true. It's such a big deal here that everyone's been freaking out about it for a week now. Today I left work around 11 to drive home and log on from there, so I wouldn't have to drive in rush hour traffic with the snow/rain/ice, and once I got here and logged on there was a company-wide email sent out saying that everyone was being sent home. Scooore! I'm on my way to light a fire in the fireplace, lay on the couch, look at my pretty Christmas tree, and catch up on some DVR'd shows I never have time to watch. Maybe some wine too... don't judge, I know it's only 1PM, but it's totally appropriate for the circumstances. Who am I kidding, I'd probably still drink if it was sunny and 75 degrees...
I wish it would snow every Friday!
Monday, November 23, 2009
The bitch is back.
So. This one's gonna be another bitter Betty bitching post, so if you're looking for funny I can't help you out. I had a whole post planned out that I was gonna do this week, but then Friday happened.
If you are sick of me whining about the ex, I completely understand and won't be offended if you skip this post and come back later when I'm in a funny mood.
So. Friday. My friend Sarah and I met my brother and his date at my favorite bar. I was happy because I hadn't gotten out in a while, and my cousin had called me that day to see if she could get MP for the weekend. Anyway, we were having a good time, listening to the band and stuff, and then I see exBF's sister walk in. I waved at her and she came over to give me a hug, and I chatted with her for a sec until I realized her brother and a friend of mine were with her. This wasn't weird, as the girl is the person who owned the house I moved out of this summer, and her and exBF's sister live down the street from each other and know each other. I gave her a hug too, and said hello, but she was acting weird. I asked exBF's sister if they were on a date or something, and she said of course not, no way. Cool. Still awkward that he's at this bar, but I can deal with it.
Later we leave and go to another bar and then back to my house to hang out and drink. I mention how weird it was to see Jered (exBF's name, guess he doesn't need to be anonymous anymore. Want his SSN?) at that bar, since he kinda knows that's my turf and I go there a lot. Then my brother says, "Oh yeah, when I saw him a few weeks ago he asked how you were, and told me he was seeing her."
Picture now, my jaw dropping on the floor.
Silence for 10 seconds, then I manage to squeak out, "WHAT???"
He can clearly tell that his size 14 foot is snugly inserted in his mouth and says "Well I just thought you should know!"
Now, I would have lost my shit even if I was sober, but I had been drinking and took about 5 shots after I saw Jered at the bar (to numb the pain), and this was definitely not a good time to tell me. I ran into my bedroom and started bawling, and I know my brother felt like a POS.
Anyway. Next day. I text Jered, first time since we broke up, and ask him if he is seriously dating her. He says he is, for about a week now. Then he called me, but that conversation was pretty much him defending the whore and saying how uncomfortable she was and how it's weird for him to be sleeping in the same house that he used to go see me at. I said, well, at least you know where the bathroom's at so you can wipe your dick off after you bang her in my old bedroom. Juvenile, I know. But I am extremely snarky and rude when I've been crossed.
So there's more. The girl (her name is now Firecrotch Slut, or FS for short) had asked me since the first day I knew her if I had any single guy friends to hook her up with. I saw her two months ago at a bar, and she said how desperate she was to find a boyfriend, and would I go troll the bar with her? I half-jokingly said, "I will, but please just don't ever go after Jered" where she responded, "Oh hell no, we're friends! Girls don't do that to each other, and I don't like him anyway".
FS had a relationship with a married man for a year and a half. I shouldn't be surprised that she will go against girl code and date someone I truly loved, because if a person will sleep with a married man and have no regrets about the morality of that, she'll fuck over a friend as well.
This morning I posted "guess I shouldn't be surprised when a person who I considered a friend is dating my ex... she dated a married man, clearly boundaries don't exist." as my facebook status. (I told you, snarky, mean, catty when I'm pissed. You can throw in juvenile and high-school-malicious too I guess. At least I realize it.) Within ten minutes I get a text from Jered asking me to take down that status update, and to leave her out of this, it's between he and I.
He's got to be ten kinds of crazy to think that I'm taking that status down. I think it's funny. I'm not doing it to get sympathy comments, I'm doing it to be a bitch, plain and simple. I'm thinking about updating it to something like "Jered's apparently uncomfortable with me posting true facts about his new girlfriend, so here's the status change update that he requested". But I'm not gonna. I'm just gonna leave the other one up for now.
I know I've rambled, and there's still more to the story, but it does feel good to get it out and vent a little bit. I'm going to leave you with a picture of her and I when she was my "friend". You may understand my confusion as to why he'd date her after you see what she looks like.
If you are sick of me whining about the ex, I completely understand and won't be offended if you skip this post and come back later when I'm in a funny mood.
So. Friday. My friend Sarah and I met my brother and his date at my favorite bar. I was happy because I hadn't gotten out in a while, and my cousin had called me that day to see if she could get MP for the weekend. Anyway, we were having a good time, listening to the band and stuff, and then I see exBF's sister walk in. I waved at her and she came over to give me a hug, and I chatted with her for a sec until I realized her brother and a friend of mine were with her. This wasn't weird, as the girl is the person who owned the house I moved out of this summer, and her and exBF's sister live down the street from each other and know each other. I gave her a hug too, and said hello, but she was acting weird. I asked exBF's sister if they were on a date or something, and she said of course not, no way. Cool. Still awkward that he's at this bar, but I can deal with it.
Later we leave and go to another bar and then back to my house to hang out and drink. I mention how weird it was to see Jered (exBF's name, guess he doesn't need to be anonymous anymore. Want his SSN?) at that bar, since he kinda knows that's my turf and I go there a lot. Then my brother says, "Oh yeah, when I saw him a few weeks ago he asked how you were, and told me he was seeing her."
Picture now, my jaw dropping on the floor.
Silence for 10 seconds, then I manage to squeak out, "WHAT???"
He can clearly tell that his size 14 foot is snugly inserted in his mouth and says "Well I just thought you should know!"
Now, I would have lost my shit even if I was sober, but I had been drinking and took about 5 shots after I saw Jered at the bar (to numb the pain), and this was definitely not a good time to tell me. I ran into my bedroom and started bawling, and I know my brother felt like a POS.
Anyway. Next day. I text Jered, first time since we broke up, and ask him if he is seriously dating her. He says he is, for about a week now. Then he called me, but that conversation was pretty much him defending the whore and saying how uncomfortable she was and how it's weird for him to be sleeping in the same house that he used to go see me at. I said, well, at least you know where the bathroom's at so you can wipe your dick off after you bang her in my old bedroom. Juvenile, I know. But I am extremely snarky and rude when I've been crossed.
So there's more. The girl (her name is now Firecrotch Slut, or FS for short) had asked me since the first day I knew her if I had any single guy friends to hook her up with. I saw her two months ago at a bar, and she said how desperate she was to find a boyfriend, and would I go troll the bar with her? I half-jokingly said, "I will, but please just don't ever go after Jered" where she responded, "Oh hell no, we're friends! Girls don't do that to each other, and I don't like him anyway".
FS had a relationship with a married man for a year and a half. I shouldn't be surprised that she will go against girl code and date someone I truly loved, because if a person will sleep with a married man and have no regrets about the morality of that, she'll fuck over a friend as well.
This morning I posted "guess I shouldn't be surprised when a person who I considered a friend is dating my ex... she dated a married man, clearly boundaries don't exist." as my facebook status. (I told you, snarky, mean, catty when I'm pissed. You can throw in juvenile and high-school-malicious too I guess. At least I realize it.) Within ten minutes I get a text from Jered asking me to take down that status update, and to leave her out of this, it's between he and I.
He's got to be ten kinds of crazy to think that I'm taking that status down. I think it's funny. I'm not doing it to get sympathy comments, I'm doing it to be a bitch, plain and simple. I'm thinking about updating it to something like "Jered's apparently uncomfortable with me posting true facts about his new girlfriend, so here's the status change update that he requested". But I'm not gonna. I'm just gonna leave the other one up for now.
I know I've rambled, and there's still more to the story, but it does feel good to get it out and vent a little bit. I'm going to leave you with a picture of her and I when she was my "friend". You may understand my confusion as to why he'd date her after you see what she looks like.
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