My kid's sooooo grounded.

So I have a 5 year old little girl. She's adorable, and normally a really good kid... I know I'm lucky in a lot of ways to have such a (somewhat) behaved child. She's really smart too (I know, all parents say this about their kids), but there are disadvantages to her intelligence. For instance, no more can I say I'm going to "hang out with my friends" because her immediate response is, "So you're going to a bar to drink beer, right?". My brother taught her the difference between his kind of beer (Budweiser), my kind of beer (Miller Lite), and my dad's kind (Bud Light), and trained her at age 3 to go to the fridge to fetch the correct beers according to the person needing one (and now she has it in a koozie and opened by the time she returns). Really, something I shouldn't brag about. Just so we're clear, that was not bragging. Just an example of my kid. Also so we're clear, my family is not a herd of alcoholics. Just so we're clear. Capiche?

Anyway, so my adorable child has a problem with writing on anything and everything. She started kindergarten this year, so obviously they're learning reading, writing, and 'rithmatic. The writing, she's got down. I have found scribbles on everything from the bathroom wall, her blue jeans, backpack, the coffee table, her pajamas, my purse... anything and everything will suffice for a writing surface for her. Good thing we don't have a dog. Now I know kids do this all the time... hence the paint they make so you can easily wash crayon off your walls, but it is getting out.of.hand. A month ago I bought her a brand new comforter, sheets, pillows, everything, because she had drawn a masterpiece (in her eyes) all over the set she previously had on her bed. I sat her down and explained how cool it was to get all new stuff, what a big girl she was, and that this was a special treat. I mean, mommy's had the same damn down comforter since before she was born, so to get a new one in my house is a big deal. Anyway, in that conversation I also threatened her with her life if so much as a drool stain appeared on the sheets. So for the last month, all's good. Then two nights ago I go to put her to bed (which I normally do once her light is off and night light is on, but this time I hadn't killed the lights yet), and I notice HI written on her sheets. HI. Like, oh, hey, here's a little greeting to welcome you to my bed. Upon further inspection, I found two other pen drawings. I lost my shit. Seriously, you know when babies cry and cry and they tell you to just put them down and walk away because you're so upset you may shake them so hard you kill them? Well I had to physically walk away, because spanking her would have ended with me calling CPS on myself. I was that angry. It's like she's testing me to see what will put me over the edge, and that did it pretty much. So, I had to concoct a grounding like she's never had before. My boyfriend's sister came over last night and we removed EVERY toy from her room, except for a couple dolls and all her books. She's also banned from TV and playing outside. I know this may seem a little extreme for a 5 year old, but I'm telling ya, nothing else has worked. In the process of her having to be sequestered in her room, she came out ten (count 'em) TEN times to ask when she was ungrounded. This prompted me to put a calendar in her room with the grounding rules, and if she asks me repeatedly how much longer she's grounded, she has to add a day. We started off at a week, and are now to 9 days. I just hope she's ungrounded by Christmas. Not banking on it though...